A Lifetime With You by Athrhteera

Chapter 86

Alena

A month had passed ever since | returned hand a lot had happened as well.

Mama cto visit whenever she could, keepingcompany because Matteo was back to his usual routine. He

went to work every morning and cback late at night. Whenever he chome, he looked a bit stressed out

but he kept convincingeverything was fine.

Despite the convincing, | knew nothing was fine. Matteo still had trouble finding out about the man behind the

kidnapping and that was probably the main reason behind his worries. He never wanted to talk much about work

withbecause he didn't wantto worry but he never really kept it a secret, too.

| knew | needed to respect his boundaries. He was already stressed out during the whole day thinking about

work, he didn't have to worry about it when he chome. So, | tried my best to ensure he slept well at night-I

prepared good food for dinner and ran him a bath. It didn't just end at a warm bath. We always ended up making

love almost every night. It didn't bothermuch every t| woke up feeling a little bit sore because | enjoyed

every moment we had together. Our passionate moments were just as fun as any other boring moments we had

during our nights at home.

Matteo also made sure | was healing well. To our luck, everything was going according to plan-that was what the

doctor and the physiotherapist said.

That wasn't the only good news.

| could return back to work next week and | was thrilled. To be honest, staying at hand wasting my time

away was great but | had gotten bored at the sroutine. | loved working and | wouldn't even mind if someone

calleda 'workaholic' because | enjoyed it. | missed waking up in the morning to go to work or even receive

calls whenever | had a night shift.

It was probably odd for speople but truth be told, | wasn't the slike others.

A lot had happened during my maternity leave and it was best to leave the memories behind.

As for today, | was halone for the next couple of hours. Mama calledearlier and she said she was going

to stop by later but until then, I was by myself. | had woken up early this morning to prepare Matteo's breakfast

before he left work and the rest was spent spoiling myself.

| took a warm bath, enjoyed a movie and ate lunch. They were simple but | considered those activities as spoiling

myself because | didn't have to worry about anything else, only my own satisfaction.

| walked down the hallway, wanting to go downstairs but my feet were frozen when | stood in front of Marco's

nursery. | turned to look at the slightly ajar door and my heart started to beat fast-1 never stepped inside ever

since | lost Marco.

Matteo was the one who said it was better to leave it for a little while. The two of us needed to heal and until we

were better, we didn't have to step inside the nursery. It was only a reminder of what we had lost, our beautiful

baby boy. However, we could avoid ourselves from entering the room but we could never run away from the

truth

Follow on NovᴇlEnglish.nᴇt

The solid truth.

The truth.

Our beautiful boy was gone.

He wasn't going to cback. He was gone forever.

| stayed still at my spot for five minutes, hesitating on whether | should enter or not. My hand reached out to the

door

Wed, Nov 6

08:08

Chapter 86

88%1

before | pushed it open, revealing Marco's nursery. | slowly took a step inside and stood in the middle, trying to

process it.

| walked towards the lamp on the nightstand beside his crib before turning it on.

was

Once the light was turned on, | could see the nursery better. Everything still in the sspot as they were

before the miscarriage, nothing was moved or changed. It was decorated nicely by our interior designer and it

was completed during the last few weeks before | gave birth.

My lips curved up into a smile as | saw polaroid pictures of Matteo and I.

Ever since we found out about my pregnancy, we had decided to take a picture every month to watch the

growing process of my baby bump. We never skipped because we wanted to notice the difference when Marco

was delivered but apparently, our last picture wasn't as we expected.

We weren't holding our breathing baby boy. We were holding our stillborn baby.

| sat on the sofa bed near the window as | looked at a few soft toys. One was from Alexei, one was from Mama

and Papa while the other one was from Luca. They had bought it from Jellycat, all the way from London. I could

still remember how excited they were.

| didn't understand if | was doing fine while | tried to process the loss of Marco. However, | hadn't shed a tear

ever since | stepped inside this room. Regardless of how much | missed my baby boy, | had finally accepted the

fact that he was gone. Was | still grieving? | didn't think | could stop.

| just had to stop being sad over something | had no control with.

| picked up the soft toys before hugging them.

It was Munro Scottie Dog, Bashful Luxe Bunny Nimbus and Carissa Persian Cat.

They could be Marco's friends.

"Honey?"

| turned to look at the door, seeing Mama standing there with a worried look on her face. | blinked a few times

before smiling at her, ensuring her it was fine to step inside. As she slowly walked in, she immediately went to

grab my hands. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" She asked, looking at me.

I nodded, "I'm fine, Mama."

"What are you doing here all by yourself?"

| sensed the worry and concern in her voice. | knew she didn't wantto relapse and | had thought about the

risk before | walked in-I didn't want to hurt or break myself apart. It tooka solid five minutes to consider if |

should've entered or not.

my

"Nothing. I just wanted to see Marco's stuff,"

Mama rubbed onto my arm, soothing me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, Mama. Don't worry, I'm fine."

"It would only be right.to worry, Alena. | rang the doorbell a few times and you didn't answer. | thought

something had happened to you," she replied.

| smiled at her before | placed the soft toys in the crib.

08:08 Wed, Nov 6 L

Chapter 86

88%

As | walked back to the sofa bed to take a sit, Mama followed. | was still looking around the room, remembering

back the memories of when Marco and | chose the decorations. We were excited for our bundle of joy, we even

slept here a few nights during my second trimester. As for Mama, she continued to look at me.

"It was really my fault, wasn't it?" | asked, looking at her.

"Sweetheart... don't blyourself,"

"If | took care of myself better, none of this would've happened. | should've paid more attention to myself, to my

mental health. | should've known the risks," | continued to speak as she rubbed my back, trying her best to

soothe me.

"Nobody could've known, Alena. If anybody had known it was going to happen, we would've avoided it. We

would've did things differently. There must be a reason why this happened. | don't know the reason but I'm sure,

Follow on Novᴇl-Onlinᴇ.cᴏm

it didn't happen without a reason." She responded before she pulledin for a hug.

"I know... | just, | can't believe it."

"Don't ever blyourself, honey. Nobody said it was your fault for what happened,"

"Maybe, you guys are just too scared to say it to my face."

"Why would we be?"

"Because it's a sensitive topic."

Mama frowned, shaking her head. "You're overthinking."

| sighed, "I'm fine. I'm just imagining my life right now if Marco was here,"

"It would've been really different."

I smiled as | imagined Marco in this room with Matteo. We were trying to put him to sleep as he sang him a

lullaby or we were struggling to change his diaper because we didn't have the experience. My imaginations were

running wild and | hated those were just dreams. | also had imagined Marco in Papa's arms, being held close.

Honestly, | had imagined Marco being in everyone's arms. He was probably going to be spoilt and everyone was

going to love him. | also imagined him to have his first steps and getting ready for his first day of kindergarten.

The memories were bound to be endless. We weren't given the chance to experience that.

Marco wasn't given the opportunity to live.

"Alena..."

I turned to look at Mama.

"Marco is in a better place. He's waiting for you and Matteo when the tcomes. Ithink that's a really beautiful

thing," she added, her eyes were beginning to get teary.

"What if we don't go to heaven?"

The question had caught both of us off guard as we chuckled. It wasn't supposed to be funny but it was better

than to stay serious. "I mean, we've done bad things in our lives. What if when | die, | won't be able to see him?"

"You're not a bad person, Alena. You've done good things in your life. You're also a doctor who had sayed many

lives, a noble thing that does not go unnoticed. You'll be able to see Marco when it's time. He'll always wait for

his Mama," she replied. 08:08 Wed, Nov 6

Chapter 86

My heart felt at ease at the thought as | smiled.

It was nice to hope, even though | never believed.

08:08 Wed, Nov 6

87%

Chapter 87