Beware Of Chicken-Novel

Bi De alighted before a tiny coop that was nestled against the wall of Verdant Hill. It was an old, slightly run down looking affair, with a thin fence around it with a little yard for storing animals. There were several signs placed facing the fence that bordered the lot with another, similarly run down looking place. They loudly proclaimed that “Shu” fornicated with donkeys and was ugly and bald.

The lot directly beside it mirrored this with its own signs, stating that the woman who lived next to him was a witch who conspired with demonic goats, and similarly had had carnal relations with every man and horse in Verdant Hill.

Bi De considered these for a moment, before deciding it wasn’t his problem. He was here for a different reason.

Before the front door lay a goat. The beast placidly chewed its cud, staring at the empty air.

Bi De coughed, trying to get its attention.

After several seconds, and the goat doing nothing, he tried again.

“Excuse me.” he asked. There was another pause, but slowly, the goat turned a lazy eye to him, and chewed a few more times.

“Is the Mistress of the house in?” he asked politely.

The goat considered him, and cocked her head to the side at his voice. She swallowed the cud in her mouth, and lifted her hind leg lazily.

There was the sound of a head hitting something, a pot falling, and then a screech of outrage.

“Lan Fan, You Dare?!”

A familiar old woman burst from the shack, brandishing a broom. One of her eyes was milky white the other was wide and wild, rolling like it had a mind of its own. Her hair was disheveled and her robes unkempt. She looked like she had been jolted awake. A cat with only three legs followed after her, his eyes narrow with wroth.

The goat regurgitated her cud, and started chewing it again, looking distinctly unimpressed by the pair of angry residents. As the woman shook her broom and took in a breath to begin an undoubtedly crass tirade, Bi De interrupted.

“Grandmother. Do you have a moment?” He asked, his crystal vibrating.

The woman glared at her goat before she turned a gimlet eye to the rooster on her fence. She huffed, and turned around, stomping back inside. The three legged cat snorted and reentered the house after giving Bi De a once over.

She had left the door open, however, and Bi De took that as an invitation to enter the small, cramped shack. It was as he remembered it. Carvings of animals were hung everywhere, knicknacks, stones, and other assorted objects were strewn all about filling the space. There was a bed with an abundance of blankets on it, and the old three-legged cat had claimed it.

To his surprise when he entered he saw the old woman had actually started making tea, instead of just giving him hot water like last time.

“So? Was the map useful?” she demanded without looking back at him. “You certainly took your time with it, boy.”

Bi De blinked at the sudden question. “Yes. It was indeed useful to me, Grandmother. It led to a discovery of great significance. For that I thank you.”

The old woman grunted as she pulled out two tea mugs. She glanced at them both. One was in good condition, but the other had several chips out of its top.

She placed that one in front of Bi De, and took the better one for herself.

Bi De paused at the emphasis on “questions”, but forged ahead anyway.

“You are correct, Grandmother. I do have a question, if I may ask it.”

She paused, and turned to him. The mismatched orbs, one blind, the other hale and piercing, stared straight through him as the room seemed to darken. Her eyes narrowed, as she digested his questions. Then, she spoke.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time. Why, what did you find there, anyway?”

“You did not already know?” Bi De was taken aback by her curiosity..

The women sorted. “What? Were you expecting me to have all the answers? Was I supposed to be some grand puppet master? Too bad! I have no clue what’s going on either! Never do. Kahhahahahaha!” The woman descended into cackles, her eye rolling madly.

She laughed so hard she had to hold onto the table for support,

Her laughter slowly subsided, and she sighed. Into the awkward silence the rooster asked.

“But… then may I ask how you came across this map?”

Bi De paused at the blunt answer. The old woman chuckled at the confusion on his face. “What do you know of divination, boy?”

“As in… foreseeing the future? My Great Master said that such a thing is normally unreliable.That trying to change fate could set it in stone.”

She glared at the wall of her house, in the direction of the other shack, before shaking her head.

Bi De heard a hiss. The old tomcat on the bed was positively glaring at the old woman.

At that, she glanced at the cat on her bed, her eye flicking to the missing limb, and she scratched idly at her stomach. It was the same place Loud Boy kept touching, the spot over his Dantian, the source of his cultivation. “So! I did what your Master did. Left it all behind! Everything! Found the weakest, most out of the way province. Heh. Did you think he was the first to have that idea, eh?”

Her eyes sparked with mirth.

“It does seem to be a more common desire than one would think.” Bi De mused, stroking his wattles. “Though Grandmother, why choose this particular place?”

“Ha?! What's wrong with my house, you pile of feathers?”

Bi De froze at the aggression. “I am merely considered for your wellbeing, Grandmother. It can't be very warm, and cutting the firewood…”

Her laughter tailed off, and she took a sip of tea.

The old woman took another drink.

“So I made a deal. It would shut up, and I’d send a worthy successor on their way.”

Bi De stared, concerned, at the cackling woman.

“....yes. I know.”

Bi De snorted at the simple answer.

So, was it mere chance? Or.. was it truly fate? Bi De didn’t know and he doubted he would get a real answer out of the woman.

“I see. Thank you for your trust, Grandmother.”

“Be that as it may. A boon can wind up a disservice, and a disservice a boon, can it not?”

Bi De smiled at the old woman. He did have a long while before he would be returning home…

“I still do have some time, Grandmother. Would you like to hear of my journey, and what was in the crystal? Or is it pointless, to tell a tale to one who can see the past, if she wishes?”

“Why do you think I made the tea, come sit! I know some parts. But good stories are still enjoyable, even if you know what’s going to happen. All that’s left is to see if you’re good at telling tales. My favourite is Tao the Traveler! And to think people think he’s full of hot air! Kahahahaha!”

She grinned challengingly at him.

Bi De steeled himself. He would do his best to rise to the occasion.

“It started like another tale. One we both know very well…” he began.

And so Bi De told his tale to the old, and eccentric woman. She listened intently, chuckling, heckling, or interjecting whenever she wished, the old tom cat laying on her lap. Lan Fan, the goat had ventured inside as well, placidly chewing her cud as always.

“Indeed. Though… I must admit that there are still many questions. The Mist Wall for one. One would think there would be some memory of it… but the Healing Sage said that in all the texts she has read in the archives, none of the histories mention its existence.”

The old woman scratched at her chin. “That's the way with this kind of thing. All you get is bits and pieces that some idiot deems important. Pha!”

The rooster shrugged his wings. “I suppose. Thank you for the tea, Grandmother. I should go.”

“Mm. Thank you for the tale and the company, young man. But don’t come over too often. I hate guests. You—”

“Grandmother? Bi De asked, concerned. Her face had lost all expression, she stared into space as if nothing else existed. Both the cat and the goat looked at her in alarm.

Then, all of a sudden, the crone took a deep breath. Her eye rolled wildy in its socket, and she started to breathe heavily. Sweat beaded on her forehead.

“Grandmother—” he started towards her, when her hand suddenly shot up, and pointed at him.

As abruptly as it began, it ended. Reality snapped back into place. The old woman’s hand dropped and an expression returned to her face. She panted heavily, her face locked in a frown.

She spat to the side.

Bi De, shaken by the sudden vision, steadied himself before speaking to the old seer. “Grandmother?”

Bi De bowed his head. “Yes. I could ask the Healing Sage, if you require assistance…?”

“It’s fine, boy. Now! Out, out! Shoo! Or I’ll be having chicken soup for dinner!” The old woman scolded, making wild gestures with her hands, getting more energetic with each passing moment.

Bi De smiled, and bowed to her.. When his departure was interrupted again, this time by a knock on the door.

The crone’s entire body twitched, and a massive grin stole across her features.

“Oho? It's time.” she muttered. She quickly stood and straightened out her dress, before she stomped over to the door and wrenched it open, gazing at a man on the other side. He was old and bald, with thin limbs and liver spots. He had one hand behind his back, and his face was locked into a frown.

It was the same man that the Crone had gotten Bi De to scare, all those months ago.

“Oh! If it isn't Bald Shu, darkening my doorstep!” she sneered, surreptitiously reaching for a rather old and soft-looking root vegetable beside her door.

“Hag. Today was the final straw. I’m going to have to do something that I’ve been thinking of doing for a long while.” the man announced, his voice surprisingly strong compared to his appearance.

The crone’s lips twisted into a grin.

The man set his shoulders, and drew himself up to his full height… which was the exact same size as the old woman in front of him.

“You wretched woman! You live on your own! With no sons or daughters to take care of you! No wonder you act this way! So! Take this as a declaration of my intent!”

The crone’s jaw dropped open. She stared, utterly dumbfounded at the kneeling man… but there was no disguising the flush that crept up her cheeks.

“You—you?!” she stammered, as her hands rose, almost unbidden, to take the flowers.

“Hmph! I’ll meet you tomorrow, woman! And make a respectable lady out of you yet!”

With that, the man stood, and turned on his heel, marching back towards his house.

The old woman staggered back into her house, her face aflame.

“Wha? How… he wasn’t supposed to—” the woman stammered, before her face went completely red. “You old bastard! Me, needing to be taken care of?! Needing to be respectable?! Tell that to yourself!” she shrieked.

The mushy tuber in her hand sailed out the open door toward the marching man and missed completely. It looked like the old woman had tried to lead the shot… and the man hadn't gone in the direction she had predicted.

The man frowned at her. “You dare?” he asked, crouching down, and collecting snow in his hands.

The old woman cursed, and immediately stepped out into the snow to do the same.

Bi De watched, dumbfounded, as two elders began a childish scuffle.

Bi De watched for a moment longer.

“They complement each other quite well, do they not?” he asked the old tomcat.

The cat had a smirk that looked entirely too familiar… before he was once again, just an old cat.