Harem In The Intergalactic Apocalypse

I was walking through a dense forest; the trees were so tall that they blocked out the sky. The ground was covered in a soft layer of moss.

I had been sitting on a couch before this, but that was all I remembered. I felt like I was being watched. I turned around and saw a pair of glowing eyes staring at me from the darkness.

I froze. I didn't know what to do since I was missing one of my arms and the other had two hands. The eyes started to move closer to me. I started to back away.

I turned and started to run but was forced to watch my feet run away without me. Then I was running along a tall cliff made out of rock candy. It looked good, so I stopped and licked it.

I didn't know where I was going. I felt like I was being chased. I looked back and saw the eyes following me.

I got up and started running down the beach, but when I remembered I had to pee, I ran faster. I came to a clearing and saw a castle in the distance. I ran towards it because the likelihood of there being cheaper seats was very good.

I looked back, and the eyes were gone, which was good since I was naked. Having people watch me was awkward.

I reached the old-looking castle and went inside. There was a terrible storm outside, but now I was in a long corridor. I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw a man coming toward me. He was wearing a black cloak and carrying a staff.

He stopped in front of me. The man looked at me with his piercing blue eyes. Then he raised his staff and pointed it at me.

I felt a surge of energy go through my body, and I was lifted off the ground and thrown backward. I hit the wall and slid to the ground but felt no pain.

I looked up, and the man was gone, but I hadn't really liked the flavor of ice cream that he had offered anyways. I got up and started to explore the castle. I came to a door that said, "Right Angles Only!" and opened it.

I went inside and saw a man sitting in a chair. He was wearing a red robe. He had a long white beard. He was smoking a pipe. He looked at me and smiled. "Come in, my son. I have been expecting you."

"You know me? I asked, and the man's face swirled and then pulled back together.

"Of course, I know you! You are Daniel! You were sent by the Slurpee, right?" The man asked as sailboats started to form from the smoke of his pipe.

"Slurpee?" I asked in confusion as I tried to think, but my brain kept bringing me back to the man's face that had started to twist.

"Come inside! Everything will make sense!" The man said and went back inside. I tried to follow, but when I entered, I was standing in a long dark cave, and I was holding a torch.

"Where am I?" I asked as I looked around. I saw the man in the red robe standing in front of me.

"You are in the dream world. You have been chosen to receive the gift of the slippers." The man said as he held out a pair of golden slippers to me.

"What are these?" I asked as I took them from him.

"These will give you the power to travel between worlds. You can go anywhere you want and do anything you want." The man said as he started to fade away.

"Wait! What about the eyes in the forest?" I asked, but he was gone. I went to put on the slippers, but I was already in the water, so there was no need for them.

"Daniel, what are you doing in the water?" Someone asked, and I turned around to see a massive man standing on a dock before me. He was so tall that his head was covered by clouds.

"I don't know," I said, and that was the truth.

"You are supposed to be saving the princess from the porcelain god! Toiletis!" The tall man boomed, and I nodded, standing up from the sand I was sitting in.

"Sure, I guess," I said, not really sure what was going on, but this was probably what I was supposed to be doing, but where had the big guy gone?

I looked around the desert, but there was nothing but dunes and trees that looked like swirling lollipops. Nothing really stood out as being strange, but then I remembered that I had left my oven on!

"Son of a bitch!" I snapped, wiping my ass quickly and getting off the bus bench. I started to run home, but then I heard someone calling my name, and turned to see that Snoop Dogg was in the back alley.

"Daniel, my man. You are tripping some serious balls right now. You need to come and sit down, homie," Snoop Dogg said, but then a big hand reached down from above, grabbed snoop in a pinch of the fingers, and then lifted him up.

I watched as the rapper was dropped into a long paper with many other people, and then it was rolled up.

"You want to try a hit?" A purple tiger asked me as we sat on a couch in his shitty basement apartment, and I shrugged.

I took the joint and then remembered that I was supposed to write down a list of things. I turned to the bottle of ketchup that was standing over me and took the offered pen. When I turned back, I started to scratch my name on the moon's surface with the big stick I had just been handed.

"What is that supposed to be?" Davey Havoc asked me.

"It is a mortgage to Days of the Phoenix," I said, and he nodded as I finished dripping blood from a rock on red paper.

"You really know what you are doing!" Sheryl Crow told me, and I nodded as I rode a unicorn that was wearing skates.

Alanis Morissette was standing with her, but I never knew that they were a couple. I was starting to feel pretty lucky. They were just about to call my name to come onto the stage.

"Yeah, you really deserve one, Daniel," Kermit the Frog said as I stood up and got ready to walk to the end of the plank. I had really messed up this time.

Once I made it to the end of the plank, there was another, and then they just kept going, so I kept walking. There was no point in looking back since moving forward was all I could do.

"Daniel!"

I looked around but wasn't sure where the sounds had come from. All I knew was that this boat was not going to paddle itself down this gravel road.

"Daniel!"

There was that sound again! Did they not know that I was hunting chess boards right now? I looked back at my target, and the checkerboard was taking a bite out of some human-shaped grass.

"Papi!"

*Smack!*

My eyes snapped open, and I shook my head hard as reality started to slam back in on me. The girls were standing over me, but they were all grinning.

"What happened? Where the hell was I just now?!" I asked in confusion as I tried to remember what had just happened.

"You smoked some space weed, and I told you not to take such a big hit! This is your fault, Papi," Sofia said with her arms crossed.

"Did I do anything wrong?" I asked, and Melody giggled.

"No, but I really wish we had the power so we could have recorded it! You were saying some pretty strange things!" Melody giggled, and I groaned.

That was messed up but kind of fun. I had been so out of it that all the crazy shit that had just happened and I had seen looked normal. That space weed was not for recreational use, or maybe it was, but in much smaller doses.

"Am I the only one that got messed up this bad? I asked as I slowly sat up, and both Melody and Victoria rolled their eyes.

"Both Henry and my dad, Frank, are on the ground rolling around. I think they are both going to be like that for a while. They saw you and decided that they should be able to keep up now that they have young bodies. At least no one is drinking, and you were all stuck like turtles on your backs," Victoria said with a smile, and I rubbed my head.

"Well, that was more than enough for me for a while. How was your time?" I asked, and Victoria laughed.

"You think that I would try that after watching you all? I am just glad that you are fine. Some of the stuff you were talking about didn't make sense, but strangely, Calishora kept everyone calm and said you would be alright. I would have asked you about it, but Sofia said that she is going to explain everything later when we have our meeting," Victoria said, and Sofia and Melody nodded.

"You might as well relax with the boys for now, but stay out of that space weed! Drink some alcohol, so you are ready when we come back to go home, got it?" Sofia said, giving me a look, and I nodded with a grin.