Hellbound Heart

That look in his eyes was enough for Elle to understand that it was not a lie. The divorce was as real as it can get.

A lonely but bitter tear fell from the corner of her eyes despite her efforts not to cry. And Sebastian moved to lick it away. She could feel his breath shaking and hear his heartbeats thumping impossibly fast and hard.

"You... tried to make me leave you... forever..." Elle continued. Her emotions could no longer be controlled. "You... you..."

"I was... trying to save you, Iza..." he finally spoke. His voice wavering. "I decided to... let you go... before... before something worse happens to you. It's the only way that I know to keep you safe."

Elle could only smile bitterly at him, shaking her head slowly. Wordlessly telling him that she did not understand him.

"You're in grave danger because of me, Izabelle. I am the reason why you're suffering, hurting... I am a blasted, damaged being." his gentle fingers that were brushing over her skin trembled. "If you... if you continue on and stay with a damaged man like me... one day, you will end up broken too."

He cupped her face and pressed his forehead against hers. "F**k..." he uttered so weakly but desperately. "I am terrified that one day you will end up as damaged as I am... beyond repair like I am... I will do anything and everything to stop that from happening! Even if... even if I have to kill myself again by letting you go."

When the trembling of his hands worsened, she cupped his face in turn and stared deeply into his wavering, vulnerable, breath-taking grey eyes. "No, Sebastian." she told him firmly. "You're never a hopeless case. Cause look at you... you're now able to... to kiss me. Yes, you're brutally damaged. But you've never been beyond repair. You are actually healing!"

"It's all thanks to you. You're my miracle, my cure, my salvation... and yet..." he buried his head in the crook of her neck. "I even failed to stop myself from hurting you with my own f**king hands."

"You weren't yourself..."

"No matter what state I was in ... I should never have hurt you. Never, Iza! But it still happened. No matter the excuse, it has happened and nothing can ever change that as a fact."

Elle could not stop it when another fat tear fell from her reddened eyes. She could feel the extent of his self-loathing at the moment. He hated himself for hurting her that night. And she could feel it in her bones that he would never forgive himself for it. "It will not happen again, Sebastian." She could only say, gently hugging his head and pulling on it to let him rest on her bosom as she buried her fingers in his silken damp hair. Something in her was telling her that nothing could ever make Sebastian forgive himself, and it terrified her.

"I have already told you before, Iza... that I don't even trust myself." his voice came out a little muffled from having his face pressed onto her chest. But even so, Elle could hear the hopelessness and self-reproach.

"I trust you, Sebastian â€"" She had to say it. Even if he did not believe it himself.

"God, Izabelle..." he stared at her, smiling heartbreakingly at her. "What if I told you that I was... I was... I was a mad... literally a mindless creature for seven hundred years? I spent most of my existence in the darkness, in my little mad world... Now tell me, can you still put your trust in someone like that?"

"Yes." Elle replied without even missing a beat, causing Sebastian to freeze. He looked dumbstruck at how confident Elle had sounded and how quickly she had responded. As though his question was not even something that needed to be considered at all.

Elle cupped his face and gently answered as though she could almost hear the doubts in his mind. "This is not blind trust, Sebastian. It's not just because I'm in love with you. I still trust you despite all your past. Do you know why? Because despite everything that had happened to you..." she pressed her palm over his chest before looking into his eyes. "This heart of yours didn't die. It's still alive and capable of feeling, of loving. You don't know how amazing... how strong you are, Sebastian. You don't know how incredible this heart of yours is. To still be... to still be able to beat like this after all those... all the damages you had and still are suffering even up till now."

Her tears flowed hard as she told him these words. She did not bother to hold back her tears any longer. Being reminded of Alicia's story only brought more heartache to her and she could even imagine the bitter tang of loneliness and helplessness Sebastian had to endure. The abuse he suffered and that impossibly long time of suffering... Elle could not even imagine how she would even begin to go about surviving it. But Sebastian did it. Though he was now like this â€" still full of wounds and could not even bear to trust in himself â€" he was still a survivor. No one else might have survived such a horrible event and still remain sane, but he managed to.

"You are the strongest man I've ever known, Sebastian. Please believe that. You can do anything... I know you can. You just have to give yourself another chance. If you can't believe in yourself yet, then let me be the one who will put my trust in you. Because I'm not going to leave. You cannot push me away anymore, Sebastian. Because I'm never going to let go of you. You fear that I might break if I stay... but my love..." she smiled through her tears and pressed her lips over his. "As long as I don't give up, I believe I can survive anything too. In the case that I do end up breaking, that's okay too. Because I know that there will always be hope... we can always heal and put ourselves together again... and besides... broken people are still beautiful..." Her smile became so tender, so full of hope as she stared at his breathtaking eyes, his gorgeous face. "... If not the most beautiful."

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