I Should Have Just Died

It is the truth that must be revealed (anyway).

If you procrastinate and postpone, time will shut his mouth again. Seidrick’s lips trembled.

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

A smiling face that resembled the sunlight— He wanted to protect that smile and face, but today, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Like Clemore in Alyssa’s novel, she couldn’t even trust her lifelong friend…

Seidrick took a deep breath.

His heart was pounding.

“I’m not… Sid, Lisa.”

“Then?”

Alyssa stretches out her hand towards Seidrick as if he was strange. Alyssa held his arm and tilted her head. The innocence had to be ruined by Seidrick with his own hands. It was so painful that his mouth wouldn’t open.

“……I am……”

“I am?”

“I am… your husband.”

“Hmm?”

“I am the head of Cambridge here, and your husband… Seidrick Cambridge.”

Alyssa’s lips were trembling. She didn’t seem to believe the authenticity of what she had heard. The purple eyes, which had grown so large that they couldn’t get any bigger, were fluttering in the light.

“I……”

“Don’t tell me. Wait. Just a moment….”

Alyssa raised her hand to stop Seidrick. She doesn’t understand what he’s talking about. Her head was dizzy. Husband?

Sid, the husband she’s never seen before?

Alyssa’s lips parted like a flower bud.

Seidrick Cambridge…?

It’s not that she didn’t hear what he had to say. She doesn’t want it; she just wants to pretend she didn’t listen to it. However, the distance between Seidrick and Alyssa was so close, and his low voice was unmistakable.

It is not that there were no circumstances to doubt Sid’s existence.

The whereabouts of Sid, the gardener, were unclear, and he was absent similarly to Seidrick, whom she could only meet when he returned to the mansion.

That day, it was raining.

The wonder at that time when they faced each other through the rain, why now… Alyssa swallowed hot saliva. Yes. The two were the same person.

She must have thought she had seen that face somewhere.

However, her time with Sid was so sweet that she didn’t want to doubt it. The moment she doubts it, everything will be shattered.

It felt like she was standing tall on the ground as fragile as glass.

The time she spent with Sid was happy and precious, but she was always anxious. If he really was just a gardener, it’s Sid, not Alyssa, who will get kicked out when their relationship is found out. She did not want him to suffer such injustice.

Alyssa enjoys many things as a privileged class, and in return, has pushed many people into injustice. Isn’t the biggest victim Kendrick Cambridge? She didn’t want to do that anymore.

So she didn’t go into detail about Sid.

Obviously, if Alyssa wanted, she could somehow find out about Sid the gardener, but she just pretends she doesn’t know.

Alyssa was careful, lest she mentioned his name carelessly and harmed him.

For Alyssa, Sid the gardener was her only friend, support, and the person she wanted to protect.

‘Can’t do that to me….’

Alyssa took a step back.

Her kindness and favor were always betrayed. People made the things Alyssa did wholeheartedly trivial ones.

So this time, it was no different.

The three years of being deceived are upsetting, unfair, and sad.

‘Not even a day or two.’

Thump, thump

But she doesn’t know why her heart is beating so anxiously like this. Why……

“Don’t cry, Alyssa.”

She doesn’t know why she was crying.

Alyssa sat down on the floor, crying. Her legs became weak, and she could no longer stand.

“Alyssa!”

“Huu…”

Her cry broke out. Beneath her crumbling feet was a monster named Despair, with its mouth open, waiting for Alyssa to fall.

Alyssa slowly fell under it.

“It’s all my fault. I……”

Seidrick followed Alyssa and sat down. Seidrick, who was on his knees, stretched out his hand to her and withdrew it again. With a face that doesn’t know what to do. As Alyssa fell, so did Seidrick.

He hoped she didn’t know until the end. No, it’s contradictory, but at the same time, he wanted her to notice quickly.

Three years.

It was long and short at the same time.

It wasn’t that Seidrick was hiding it with all his might, and it was a sloppy camouflage. Still, Alyssa never once doubted him. She believed all of Sid the gardener’s flustered rumblings. She was so desperate and lonely.

Knowing that Alyssa’s heart was that bad, she might not have been able to say more.

After walking through Kendrick’s shadow, Alyssa was clearly visible.

She always stayed where she was. Unchanged…

It’s Seidrick who scraped and hurt Alyssa.

Alyssa silently shed tears.

“Alyssa… please…”

No feelings can be read from her anymore. Seidrick’s hand touched Alyssa’s shoulder and then fell. He jumped up and then sat back down. However, he didn’t know how to appease Alyssa.

How should he apologize?

He’d rather she curse. If not, he wished she would have spit out accusations and screamed. But Alyssa didn’t do anything and was festering inside her heart.

Crouching as hard as an egg.

“Don’t cry……”

Please, Alyssa.

Alyssa exhaled slowly.

Her head was numb, and tears continued to flow. She doesn’t even know what she’s thinking. She just wanted to disappear from here. No, she wanted to disappear from this world. Sid was a tree firmly rooted in Alyssa’s heart.

It might have been better if it had been trampled on like this when it was just a sprout in the first place. But he grew and grew his trunk like a tree, destroying the whole world that supported Alyssa.

She can’t breathe.

Worse than the three years of being deceived, Sid is no more. If so, who has Alyssa been worried about, thinking about, and liking? Lost in her mind, she couldn’t figure out where to turn now.

She lost Sid.

And.

She lost her one and only love.

No matter how much they are the same person, Seidrick Cambridge and Sid the gardener were different.

So Alyssa couldn’t stand it any longer.

Alyssa willingly threw herself into the darkness devouring her.

When she opens her eyes, she wishes this hell would end. She’d rather be dead.

Alyssa closed her eyes.

* * *

At one point, Alyssa collapses, the startled Seidrick picks her up. He ran and ran, carrying her body that was stiff and unable to breathe properly. Seidrick breathed out.

Because they were in a pretty deep garden, the long road felt like a penance road. It was like an eternity.

Even when this road was over, it seemed that Alyssa would not be able to return, and it appeared that she would face a disastrous end.

Don’t do that.

Seidrick doesn’t want anything. Just…

‘I want you to be happy.’

Not to say as the one who ruined Alyssa’s little happiness, but he wants her to be happy.

And really, if Alyssa happens to forgive him if she turns around just once…

If it happens like a miracle…

But it was the greatest selfishness that Seidrick could dream of.

It was the arrogant Seidrick’s misunderstanding that there would be another chance. He realized it when he saw Alyssa, who was crying without making a sound, what he had just broken.

At that time, he couldn’t see it. Now he could see what he couldn’t do, what he couldn’t support. How desperately Alyssa came to Sid the gardener.

For Alyssa, that took great courage. All the time Seidrick didn’t take care of Alyssa and ran for Cambridge; she was barely holding on to herself. Unlike Seidrick, who had abandoned Alyssa countless times and then recaptured her, she held onto him desperately the whole time.

“……gasp, gasp…”

The mansion was getting closer. The brightly lit mansion felt like a savior. Seidrick struggled, one step at a time.

Alyssa’s skinny wrists pierced her eyes.

“…what did I do….”

Seidrick clapped his lips.

After Kendrick was separated from the two, everything became clear. Seidrick was destroying Alyssa.

The castle built up with lies in the first place is nothing but vanity that will soon collapse. He did not know the truth until now. The sense of loss he had learned from losing his father and losing Kendrick filled Seidrick with familiarity. He can’t tell whose tears wetted his toes.

The sky did not cry, but the earth kept getting wet.

Seidrick took a breath.

Please……

Seidrick took a strenuous and heavy step.

* * *

There was one thing that Seidrick had overlooked.

For the past three years, everything has collapsed, and he lived again, and he has endured it with all his might.

He overlooked himself.

Kendrick disappeared, and he supported and held on to this huge house. Bringing Kendrick back was like breaking Seidrick’s ban.

The things he had forgotten were overflowing as if water flooded from a collapsed dam was hitting him.

Seidrick, who was running carrying Alyssa, stumbled.

“Your Excellency!”

“Madam!!!”

“What in the world is this! Call the doctor!”

“Alyssa!!! Oh my God!!!”

Ophelia’s cries soaked the mansion. Another tear was added to Cambridge, where the tears never dried up.