I Should Have Just Died

The more it was repeated, the deeper the heart became. The added heart gradually increased its weight and weighed on Seidrick.

Now he knows.

That’s how much Seidrick felt.

It was so profound that he could not even dare to describe it in light words. As if submerged in deep water, he is drawn deeper and deeper. Seidrick was locked in by Alyssa and couldn’t get out of it.

Seidrick took a deep breath.

It was as if he held his breath and jumped out of the water.

“……I love you.”

The confession he dared to confess made Seidrick cry. Thick tears flowed down Seidrick’s face.

“……Ah… I didn’t mean to do this….”

Seidrick beat himself up and wiped away the tears like a child. His shoulders shrugged. Alyssa’s heart, seeing it, also collapsed.

“I didn’t mean to do this. I didn’t mean to burden you. I’m just… I’m just. I’m just talking to you…”

Seidrick’s breath broke. Inside were hot tears. It was mixed with Seidrick’s feelings.

“I want to tell you. I want to convey that my heart is not light… I know it’s going to be a burden on you…”

Seidrick rubbed his face.

No matter what he does, the tears won’t stop now like the love that soaked his heart. Alyssa’s still purple eyes flashed blue. Seidrick reached out towards Alyssa, then rolled it back and clasped it.

She’s like someone he wouldn’t be able to reach.

“…Al… Alyssa, I never meant to burden you.”

Seidrick shook his head hard.

“I just said I love you is just… it just popped out. You could pretend you didn’t hear it if you wanted to.”

Seidrick didn’t know what he was talking about; it was gibberish. He does not know what he should do. His head felt like it was going to explode.

He looked as if he had fallen into a trap.

A trap named love.

Seidrick took a deep breath.

Alyssa asked quietly.

“How can I pretend I didn’t hear it? If I don’t think that’s what it means, then is it not the truth?”

That was quite a mischievous question.

It was undoubtedly inappropriate to say in front of someone who was crying like a child. Seidrick’s pupils dilated. The stagnant tears overflowed like waves. How the hell did he endure it? He cried as if to drain all the moisture from his body.

‘So mean.’

It was strangely relieving to see that.

Alyssa is relieved that she is not alone and is relieved once again that she has someone to hold her back. Alyssa was not alone in this harsh world. It wasn’t that Seidrick had been heartless for the long time he had deceived Alyssa.

It seemed that her mind, which had raged a little bit, had been relieved.

Her heart was answered.

Alyssa, who had lost her justice and beliefs and loved Seidrick, was not abandoned. She had reached out to Seidrick.

“I don’t think so! Alyssa, I…”

Seidrick groaned. It was a look that she would never have seen before. She remembers the countless hours she spent with Seidrick Drick. Seidrick who smiled mischievously, Seidrick who smiled like the sun, and the lovely Seidrick.

In Alyssa’s memory, Seidrick remained smiling.

“I am serious. My love is the truth; I deceived you… Until now, only my heart was sincere. I truly love you.”

Seidrick’s voice trembled. Alyssa grabbed Seidrick’s hand that was wandering through the air.

“That’s a relief.”

Alyssa whispered slowly.

She was delighted. Seidrick has been fond of Alyssa for the past three years—his emotions were sincere. Seidrick was always looking at Alyssa with a smile on his face. There was definitely love in it.

“…I am really glad.”

Not all the time they spent was a lie.

Alyssa tightened her hand that was holding Seidrick.

Transparent tears kept dripping down Seidrick’s cheeks, who was sitting in silence. His heart, which burst out involuntarily, flowed without stopping. Alyssa smiled awkwardly.

“……thank you.”

Still, she doesn’t think she’ll ever remember the memories of this place very badly.

Seidrick bit his lip.

Nothing has changed.

He felt that.

Alyssa’s determination will not change.

Seidrick’s heart broke.

She will leave

Seidrick’s heart sank.

After he returns, Alyssa…

Bang-

It was a dark change.

***

The next day, strangely, unknown people gathered in front of Cambridge. The employees, who had passed by at first, reported it to Seidrick and Alyssa.

It was because of the words of the one who seemed to be the leader of the people who kept gathering.

‘Please let me see the two. I have something to tell Princess Alyssa.’

In the end, Seidrick and Alyssa, who had been strangely depressed, went out in front of Cambridge. Alyssa saw them and frowned.

There was no way of not knowing what their identities were. They were the faces that she passed countless times in the royal family, the royal knights who did whatever the royal orders were. Alyssa clapped her lips.

“Edmit.”

“Yes, Your Highness the Princess.”

Knight Commander Edmit kneeled. Those who had gathered in front of Cambridge after he knelt on the floor.

“What is the knight commander doing here?”

“Not anymore. I have resigned, Princess.”

“…Then I don’t know why. Why did you come here?”

“I came here because I have something to tell you, Princess.”

Edmit raised his head. It was to tell about the absurd orders from the royal family.

Alyssa nodded her head.

When he resigns from the Royal Knights and comes to visit her, there must be a reason and determination.

“…Prince Kruno has ordered the annihilation of the village of Heidel.”

Alyssa stumbled. Seidrick turned a cool gaze encouraging her.

What kind of nonsensical command is that? The Royal Knights were a group that protected the reputation and safety of the royal family.

But suddenly, the massacre of civilians.

Does that have anything to do with the royal family?

“Explain it properly.”

Alyssa mumbled in a weak voice.

“…He said that the village of Heidel was related to the Revolutionary Corps. He ordered to annihilate the residents and take some of them as hostages.”

“Haa……”

Alyssa touched her forehead.

It’s not about how that’s going to get better; it’s about how it can get worse. Was there an alternative ending? Alyssa couldn’t control the behavior of the royal family, who knew no limits, and was ruined. She seemed to understand why a large number of the Royal Knights, who valued honor, had left.

And Kruno’s intentions,

He, who can only do atrocities, is probably thinking of taking the villagers of Heidel village as hostages to bring out the revolutionaries. If the Revolutionary corps is genuinely a group for civilians, they will go out to save them! Alyssa smiled in vain.

“…so, did you come here?”

“I couldn’t possibly carry out such an order.”

“I’m glad you were able to make that kind of judgment, though.”

Alyssa sighed coldly.

Alyssa and Edmit had been at odds countless times when Alyssa was staying in the royal family. Alyssa struggled to stop the absurd orders from the royal family, and Edmit ignored Alyssa’s words.

Same thing with Cambridge.

Alyssa had given orders to the Royal Knights at the time of Kendrick’s incident. Turn Kendrick aside. Go now, stop him, and bring him back to the kingdom safely.

The king’s order is absolute, but there’s no need to listen to the coercion.

She yelled out with exasperation.

Edmit did not give in to Alyssa’s anger and momentum, who seemed weak. Standing still, Edmit shook his head.

‘… The king’s name is not something that can be resisted. We listen only to the king’s orders.’

She can’t believe he came to see Alyssa.

It must have been that the behavior of the royal family had reached its climax.

“…I will not make excuses for the past. But, Your Highness the Princess. Do you intend to leave the royal family’s error as it is?”

Alyssa is the most upright and righteous person in Edmit opinion. To the extent that she disobeyed the king’s command and was so adept at educating Edmit. In the end, Alyssa’s earnest orders were not fulfilled.

“Now, what do you want me to do? And should you be here? Did the royal family allow you?”

Alyssa smirked.

It was a voice full of the evil feelings of the past. The first appearance of Alyssa that Seidrick had seen was startling. Alyssa brushed Seidrick’s hand away and stood up straight. Her skinny body stood out through the sunlight.

How hard the delicate figure looks.

Edmit bowed his head.

“I will no longer be loyal to the royal family. Because we have chosen a new monarch.”

Alyssa stroked her head with a pale face.

It’s not that Alyssa hasn’t read the implications of their words. They came in a group like this and knelt before Alyssa.

“I……”

“Become the new monarch, Your Highness the Princess.”

Alyssa let out a sigh.

“I have no intention of doing that!”

“There is no other way for us, Princess.”

Alyssa stepped back. Her purple eyes blazed with resentment.

“Why are you doing this to me? Please leave me alone!”

It sounded like a childish word, but no words expressed Alyssa’s heart as much as that.

“Go to hell!”

It was the first time. To say such harsh words out loud.

Alyssa was also pushed to the limit.

“Leave me alone!”

It was an exasperated scream.