I'm A Spider, So What? (WN)

Oni 16 – Justice?

「That is precisely the reason why I must avoid piling up a mountain of corpses for no reason.」

The pope’s words still reverberate in my ears. That old man, abiding by his own unshakable will, has continued to kill the very people he should protect by his own hands. So that the many will live the few will be killed. He has the will and power to implement that, without even hesitating for an instant.

To murder is wrong. Doubts like “how?” and “why?” have no point. The reason why to murder people is wrong, is not something that can be explained by theory. What must not be done must not be done. That’s all there is to it. Not because of some theory, but the reason why people are people is precisely because they avoid such actions.

However, then, what if you had to do what must not be done because you had people you wanted to protect? What if despite knowing that it must not be done, that there was no other available option?

What the pope is doing, are actions to transform the way the world should be for his own convenience. However, it is not being pursued for his own personal benefit, but out of genuine concern for the world. For the sake of the world, denying himself, even while sacrificing many, he is saving even more people.

Are such actions, an act of justice? Or are they, an act of evil?

Trying to save someone is surely an act of justice. To kill someone is surely an act of evil. In the case when it’s both of them, then how on earth do you determine the correct interpretation?

I don’t know. Is that something right, or is that something wrong?

However, there is one thing that I do understand. That for that pope, even if you try to tell him to his face that it is wrong, I’m sure he will still not waver from his path. While having that gentle expression on his face, that old man harbours in his eyes a conviction that borders on insanity. No matter what happens, I can declare that he will not stop. If he does happen to stop, I’m sure it would be as he himself said, only when the world is saved, or otherwise when his body and soul fall into ruin.

Is the path the pope has chosen right, or is it wrong? For the sake of argument, even if he made a mistake, I’m sure he would use that as a source of motivation to stand up once again. Until his body and soul fall into ruin.

He’s terrifying. That belief that goes to extremes, is not something expressed in status values or skills, an absurd power. If we fought directly I would surely win. However, that victory would totally meaningless. Even if he dies he will rise up once again. Again and yet again. There is nobody with a more unyielding heart.

What about me then? In that sense, I’m terribly weak. To the extent that I briefly wished for death, being unable to tolerate the crimes I committed myself. In spite of that, once I was saved I didn’t want to die, that’s just how wretched my feelings are, and how weak I am.

My status values and skills, are probably high even at a global level. Although I have been made to realise that there is always someone better than you, even still I’m well above the average. Despite the power that I hold, my heart is far too weak. I’m unbalanced.

I have got to get stronger as well. Unlike that pope, I cannot reach the level of his madness, nor do I think I can even aim for it. Even still, I will take responsibility for the path I have taken to get here, and I must take actions to make the most of it. That is, the line I will draw for myself. For the weak-hearted me, that is the excuse I will use to forgive myself.

My status has already fully recovered. It is time that I stopped idling in this mansion. I must take action. From now on, I must also find out, just how the world should be.

I will talk to Shiro-san. To ask Shiro-san where she is heading to. To ask what methods she will use to reach there.

If that overlaps with my own path, then I will gladly cooperate with Shiro-san. If it’s not, then… I shall pray that it’s not.

At the time when I had made that resolution, even though it was mealtime, it was unusual for Shiro-san to have not returned. Instead, like a shadow of her true self, Sophia-san was sitting here having barely touched her food.

I think she is probably also wondering about many different things from meeting with the pope. What’s on her mind is likely so mixed up that I couldn’t even guess.

She was originally born in a country that followed the Goddess Religion, and I heard that her hometown was destroyed by the Divine Word Religion. I had also experienced my goblin village being destroyed by humans, so I can well understand her feelings. That fury, strong enough that you could forget yourself in anger and hatred.

In my case I achieved revenge by my own hands. However, Sophia-san cannot do that. It’s not that she can’t even try, but more like that she won’t. Because, she realised just how determined the pope was in that conference. Nevertheless, having seen his unstoppable belief, I’m sure even Sophia-san would realise that it would have been totally meaningless to kill the pope in that place.

Is revenge an act of justice? I don’t know that. However, because I have experienced it myself, what I do understand is that without achieving revenge it is not possible to move on.

To this day, Sophia-san has lived without being able to achieve revenge. Isn’t it precisely because of that, that she has easily crossed over the line that people should not cross, and run down the path of injustice? The flames of revenge that remain in her heart, might have warped Sophia-san’s personality. I’ve come to think that way.

And now, if she tries to confront him as a target for revenge, she knows that she won’t be able to achieve revenge no matter what. Normally she would be able to gain satisfaction from sending him to his death. However, that pope is an exception. Even if he’s killed, there’s no meaning in it. If you want to achieve revenge against him, it will be necessary to break his spirit. I’m sure that Sophia-san also realises, just how difficult that would be.

While still barely having touched her food, Sophia-san stands up.

「How about you eat a bit more?」

I called out to her totally without thinking. Totally, out, I think. Because in Sophia-san’s eyes, I saw an unconcealable irritation.