I'm Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

“Fuck! How did you get in?” I turned to look at the main door: the door was still intact and there were no signs of explosives.

Peng TouSi took out a piece of foil from his suit, it was folded into the same thickness as a cigarette and he shook in front of me.

“Lin, your home’s door lock is a shoddy ‘cylinder lock’ that can be opened with this foil — I learned it on a Chinese video site.”

After that, Peng TouSi showed a modest smile as if to say “it’s not much, it’s a simple skill”.

Modest my ass! No one complimented you! You just picked the lock! An American citizen like you coming to a small city in China and sneaking around like a thief, Lincoln and Washington would cry if they found out!

While we were talking, Ai Mi walked out of the big bedroom. She was dressed neatly and had re-combed her two ponytails.

Seeing that bodyguards filled half the room, she was not the least bit surprised, as if she had already expected this result.

“Since you’re here, pack my bags!” Ai Mi ordered Peng TouSi. “I have to head to the studio first thing in the morning, so I have to eat on the car. How annoying!”

Peng TouSi repeated it to his men in English, then the expressionless men in black with sunglasses started to get busy.

Ai Mi’s clothes was tossed everywhere in the room. Every time the bodyguards picked up a piece of clothing, they carefully wrapped it up with a sterile plastic bag and put it in a big black suitcase. With their serious expression, if you didn’t know what was going on, you would think the suitcase contains weapons of mass destruction.

Ai Mi stood behind the dinner table and crossed her arms in anger, and she didn’t look at me.

I realized that these bodyguards were walking around with black leather shoes, but their footsteps were not proportional to their height and weight. They couldn’t even be heard without listening carefully.

Peng TouSi noticed the doubts on my face and vehemently explained it to me:

“We sprayed a layer of silencing foam on the soles of the shoes. It’s a technique from the US military and is very effective in stealth operations.”

He said as he lifted one foot to show me a layer of white glue with a strange patterns stuck to the sole of his shoe.

So you use this stuff to sneak in silently? The US high-tech specialty of stealth and traditional Chinese lock picking with foil, it seems like you guys put in a lot of money and effort for these operations!

But what was the point? If you didn’t want to wake us up, you could have just waited until we woke up!

Was he trying to demonstrate his skills? Since 004 and 005 failed their monitoring mission, you occupied my house quietly in order to show off your skills, and show that you can ‘take care’ of us at anytime.

Stop screwing around! I am not Saddam! The only weapons of mass destruction you can find here are Ai Mi’s underwear! Also, Ai Mi tossed those around herself, and I was too embarrassed to help her pick it up!

“Lin, Miss Ai Mi caused you a lot of trouble. We will compensate you, please don’t worry.”

Peng TouSi solemnly vowed to me.

That’s not necessary, although Ai Mi completely acted as if she owned the place and helped herself to food and drinks, although she left a lot of chip crumbs in the seams of the sofa, at most it was only as disruptive as a brat, she did not cause any substantial damages.

Although the silencer foam made me uncomfortable, it’s good that it can be used as a substitute for slippers. Otherwise, if a dozen bodyguards walk around inside, I would have a tough time cleaning the floor later.

I have always had difficulty remembering the faces of westerners. Sometimes I feel that they look identical and I can’t tell who is who. After carefully watching for a while, I found that 004 and 005 were not an exception. I was able to confirm their identity based on their bitter expressions and how they walked with their legs clamped together.

I can’t tell who is 004 and who is 005, I’ll just randomly assign their code names.

004 said something to Peng TouSi in English, then 005 went to the big bedroom for a while, suddenly he came out flustered while holding the milk carton that Ai Mi was drinking.

He shouted with a head full of sweat: “Elm — Elm——!!”

I only poured half a cup of boiled water from the thermos when he suddenly shouted and I almost spat the water out of my mouth.

Is this Chinese? It sounds extremely strange, and it is not at the same level as Peng TouSi, it sounds more like a wild deer’s cry.

But since 004 and 005 were sent to monitor my nightlife with Ai Mi, at least one of them should know Chinese? 005 pointed to the empty milk box shouting “Elm”, what does it mean! Is there evidence on the milk carton that shows what I did something with Ai Mi last night? But I am innocent!

I widened my eyes and looked closely at the carton in 005’s hand. I found out that on the carton was a picture of a large almond and the tip was covered with chocolate. Below was two lines in gold letters: almond chocolate milk, quality almonds from the United States.

He almost scared me to death, it turned out he was trying to say “almonds”! What’s the big deal with flavored milk? Mixtures like strawberry milk, peanut milk, and apple milk are commonplace. Don’t you have them in America?

Seeing the box of almond milk in 005’s hand, Peng TouSi’s face changed and he said: “Oh no!”

Ai Mi saw the bodyguards making a racket and she impatiently turned her head towards them. As soon as she saw the milk box in 005’s hand, she immediately showed a bad expression of held her stomach with her hand.

“No wonder... I’ve been feeling uncomfortable since morning...”

Before Ai Mi finished her sentence, she bent down with her eyes closed and started to vomit.

There were no solid particles, it was all white milk that came out of her stomach.

She coughed while vomiting. She had a painful expression and tears were coming out.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “We never keep expired food in the refrigerator. How...”

Peng TouSi said with a bitter expression: “Miss Ai Mi’Er is allergic to almonds. Although it’s fine for a while after she drinks almond milk, she will vomit it out after 5 or 6 hours.”

“Bleeeeeehhhhhh—”

It was another large mouthful. Milky white milk poured out from Ai Mi’s mouth and splashed all over the floor.

In the gap between vomiting, she raised her face slightly with white liquid hanging from the corner of her mouth. She stared with hatred at the empty box of almond milk, and me, who put that dangerous sustenance in the refrigerator.

Why are you staring at me? How should I know that Americans are so delicate, they have peanut allergy, pollen allergy, almond allergy, and are you blind! 005 who only knows half-assed Chinese could even see that it is almond milk. As for someone like you who has a high level Chinese and proficient in various online slangs, drank something without even looking at what it is?

What were you thinking about when you took the milk from the fridge!

“Cough, cough, cough... Damn manservant! You forced me to drink a stomach full of this stuff!”

Do not use the word “forced”! After only staying in China for a month, have you already learned sentences like “forced suicide”? Stop joking around! It was because you were being stupid and drank it yourself, it had nothing to do with me!

Seeing Ai Mi spit out a large pool of milk, the bodyguards were stunned and looked at each other in dismay. Peng TouSi asked: “It should be all milk, right?”

No shit! What else would it be if it wasn’t milk?

After a bit more of vomiting, Ai Mi gasped and stood up straight. 004 handed her a decorated napkin and Ai Mi used it to wipe off the remaining milk on her lips. It was almost as if she was going to collapse from dehydration and she had to lean against the bodyguard behind her in order to stand properly.

Peng TouSi said a few words in English to his men. The bodyguards then surrounded Ai Mi, opened the main door and walked down the stairs. They bumped into a breakfast goods vendor businessman who was also going down the stairs. When he saw so many men in black walk out in a line, he scratched his head and said to himself, “Whose getting married? What an extravagant show!”

It’s reasonable that the breakfast vendor thought that it was a marriage. When I looked out of the window, I saw 7 or 8 cars parked in the streets. Not including Ai Mi’s Batmobile, the rest of the black cars were also luxurious. Although there were not many pedestrians early in the morning, everyone who passed by would turn to look at them.

When Ai Mi was taken away, she did not even say goodbye and she was sulking the whole time.

I suddenly had a strange thought: How come Xiao Qin did not appear?

Even if the effect of the silencer foam is excellent and Xiao Qin was not able to pick up the sounds, even a deaf person should have heard our conversation and the sound of Ai Mi vomiting.

Based on Xiao Qin’s character, would she hide in the room and not come out? All of the bodyguards are basically over 30 years old, so they do not meet the conditions for triggering her “androphobia”. Since she used the “ball buster” on 004 and 005, she has already identified the other party as an enemy. Now, her enemies burst into the home, but there’s no reaction from her, this is too abnormal!

The only ones left in the living room other than me, was Peng TouSi and the unfortunate 004 and 005. Peng TouSi came over to me and whispered: “This was the only time she could eat chips, don’t give her any more in the future.”

I nodded absentmindedly while looking around for traces of Xiao Qin. At this time, Peng TouSi took the mop that was in the corner and personally cleaned up the mess that Ai Mi left on the floor.

With a normal line of thinking, Xiao Qin should still be in my bedroom, but based on my previous experience: You can’t guess Xiao Qin’s actions with a normal line of thinking.

I suddenly saw a silhouette flash by the window that I was looking out earlier.

You... You climbed out the window again? You thought that there are too many enemies, so you gave up the plan of attacking from the door, now you want to catch them off guard? You don’t have to do that many unnecessary actions! What if you fall and get injured?

004 and 005’s backs were facing the window, so they didn’t realize anything unusual. However, Peng TouSi who had a different angle wrinkled his brows.

“Is it Miss Xiao Qin? Right? I’ve ordered my men to not lay their hands on Miss Xiao Qin, since she’s madam Ren’s child and it would be bad if we ruined our relationship.”

With a bang, the kitchen window was opened from the outside. A black cat fell to the ground with her hips in the air. She was bare footed, wearing a large gray shirt and blue sports pants. Under her long bangs, her eyes burned with anger.

“You bad guys!! — How dare you invade our love nest!!”

Before her voice reached us, she had rushed straight out like it was a 100-meter sprint. She clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white and she bobbed back and forth.

As if they had a prior consultation, 004 and 005 moved in front of Peng TouSi simultaneously. One extended their left hand, and the other extended their right hand, and it looked like they had high synchronization rates.

005 spoke in shoddy Chinese: “Stuppu! We won’t faito yuu!”

Why would Xiao Qin care? When she ran halfway, she suddenly lowered her body and prepared her left fist. It seemed to be aimed at their crotch.

004 and 005 subconsciously clamped their legs and their face showed an expression of lingering fear.

Unexpectedly, Xiao Qin changed his her attack midway. She spun her body and kicked the upper abdomen of 004.

It seems like the hit wasn’t that strong and 004 easily blocked it with his abdominal muscles. It gave the illusion that Xiao Qin was easy to deal with, so he laughed loudly, started to step forward, and opened his arms wide to catch Xiao Qin.

However, his hands did not even touch the ends of Xiao Qin’s hair. Xiao Qin leaned backwards to form a bridge, and her back was extremely close to the ground and she was able to evade 004’s hug. Their current position was like she was lying on top of the train tracks, letting the train rush over her.

Xiao Qin sent out a fierce kick while her back was still against the floor and it hit the nail on the head. 004 immediately let out a blood curdling scream and fell on the floor while foaming at his mouth.

005 was shocked and he subconsciously reached for the weapon on his waist, but he might have remembered Peng TouSi’s warning halfway, so he stopped for a moment. Xiao Qin flipped herself up from the floor, aimed at 005’s crotch, and with a clean sweep of her leg, 005 was sent to sleep together with 004.

Only now did Xiao Qin let out a breath, which signified the end of her ball bursting routine.

Then she raised her head and looked straight at Peng TouSi’s calm, serene eyes, and she bit her lips nervously.