I'm Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

My dad said to me as I pushed him out the door:

“Xiao Lin, stay safe. you know where the money and bank cards are kept. Make sure you don’t go hungry and eat whatever you want. I also asked Director Cao to watch out for you...”

Why would you ask him! He would only ask me to film AVs! Do you want me to become an AV star then become a spokesperson for the adult goods we sell?

I did not care anymore and pushed my dad out the door. The neighbors who passed by thought some calamity happened at home.

An auntie said to her friend: “Have you seen the news? In a household where the mother passed away, a boy learned from the Japs and dressed as a trap. One day, his dad realized his son looked extremely similar to his dead wife when he was cross dressing. He couldn’t hold back and raped his son...”

Her friend clicked her tongue and sighed: “What a tragedy! But what’s going on with the Ye household? Why is he chasing his father out? Did something similar happen?”

After the auntie and her friend looked at my appearance for one second, they came to a conclusion: His dad has really heavy tastes!

I ignored their idle gossip and watched my dad’s taxi get further and further away. Then I immediately began to check the fridge, check the online message, check my backpack for tomorrow, charge my phone, and prepare for living alone in the upcoming month.

Even though it might feel like he was running away, but the most important thing to me was my dad being able to pull himself together.

For the most part, I consider myself an atheist. However, every time I see my father return home dead drunk and cry silently in his study, I cannot stop myself but silently say my prayers to god:

—— I wish I can have a mother who loves my father. As long as she can love my useless father, it would be fine even if she does not love me.

Even though I am an atheist, but regardless if it is Guanyin, Buddha, God, Allah, Superman, or Batman... I would believe in whoever makes my dream comes true.

It was Monday, a Monday where the sun shone brightly. A Monday where students do not want to go to school and office workers want to commit suicide. But to me, it was a brand new day. I might not be able to see my dad many times in the following month, but at least I know we would both be fighting our battles.

The thought made my blood boil.

Xiao Qin was not able to buy the same model phone as mine. It was a flip phone with a shell-like exterior. Other than having a bit fashionable and cute appearance, it had pitiful functionality, it could not even surf the web.

Her sole contact in her address book was me. Also, she used a weird and incoherent sentence as my name, something like ‘Ye Lin classmate is filled with love and’.

This way, when I call her, her screen will display: ” Ye Lin classmate is filled with love and calling you”, ” Ye Lin classmate is filled with love and sent you a text”. Even if I block her, it would display “Ye Lin classmate is filled with love and blocked you”, is that her intention?

Damn it, hurry and change it to something normal! How is it any different than any of those losers who daydreams about their goddess? For example, when Xiao Ding from the pet hospital plays Romance of the Three Kingdoms IX, he would name his subordinates as females he used to be secretly in love with. Are there any innate differences between yours and his actions?

“Hey, what’s your phone number? You should remember now, right?”

Regardless of what caused me to ask, I have to remember Xiao Qin’s phone number. A famous strategist once said: You must understand your enemies better than you understand your friends.

She could have clearly given me a call so I could look at the caller ID, but she took an extra step and handed a cartoon note with her phone number written on it. At the same time, she said to me with a big smile:

“Last time, Ye Lin classmate wrote his number on a piece of paper, so I also have to write my number on a piece of paper to maintain synchronicity!”

Synchronous my ass! I wrote it on a random piece of draft paper I tore off! It was written terribly on a terribly ugly piece of paper, if Wang XiZhi saw it, he would jump into a lake to commit suicide! If you were this serious about the matter, in what way did you synchronize with me! You wrote beautiful words on a cat-shaped post-it note, it was completely filled with the malicious intent of trying to act cute!

“If it doesn’t bother you, I hope you can take this cat home and keep it...”

Cat? Where is there a cat? It is only a cat-shaped post-it note, why would you pretend it is an organic living being? Do you think I would act like you and keep everything you give me as a family heirloom?

If that was the case, my descendants would comment while checking the remnants of my belongings:

“These items show that our great-great-grandfather Ye Lin was an extremely boring person, and I feel embarrassed as his descendant. Why don’t we find the lake where Wang XiZhi committed suicide and jump in too!”

In order to prevent my descendants from committing suicide, after I entered Xiao Qin’s phone number, I immediately tossed the note on the ground and stepped on it.

“Only an idiot would keep this crap!”

“Boohoo ~~~~(gt;_lt;)~~~~, Ye Lin classmate killed the cat!”

Xiao Qin made it look like she was crying while wiping her tears because I stepped on the cat-shaped note, but it was nothing serious and she was only making noise.

My relations with others did not visibly improve after becoming the PE committee member. That is why everyone in the class still believes I have a daily task of bullying Xiao Qin. Even the class leader, who was teaching Loud Mouth math, was startled.

“Ye Lin classmate killed the cat”, that exaggerated statement caused the class leader’s entire body to tremble. In a split second, she had an expression as if I deserve punishment worse than death. She only breathed a long sigh of relief after she found out Xiao Qin was referring to a cat-shaped note.

Fuck! Do you think killing a cat deserves the death penalty? Justice Devil, your laws are too strict! Only super cat-cons like the Egyptians would take your life to compensate for a cat’s life! Do you want to move backward in history?! Since you cannot even get near cats or dogs, so you cannot become friends with anyone who would kill them, right?

But if you cannot be friends, you can still be siblings! Your younger brother plays a huge role in the illegal dog kidnapping ring! You would probably vomit up blood if you found out!

In order to not get blamed by the class leader for littering, I picked up the note under my foot and stuck it into my history textbook.

I will keep it in the Egypt section since they like cats.

I was not sure if it was to continue her ‘I am pure and simple plan’, but Xiao Qin took out a bunch of dog-shaped and cat-shaped notes. She wrote her phone number on it and was planning on distributing it with Loud Mouth, the class leader, and others.

The class leader blushed after she saw the post-it notes and she began to stammer for the first time ever:

“Uhm, Xiao Qin, can you give me a dog-shaped note?”

When faced with a choice, she chose the dog without hesitation! The Egyptians are crying! Compared to cats who could only act cute (they don’t even catch mice anymore), as expected, you still like loyal dogs who can watch the house and sniff out narcotics.

In order to appear as a pure and simple girl in front of the class leader, not only did Xiao Qin satisfy the class leader’s request, she even gave half the stack of dog-shaped and cat-shaped notes to the class leader.

“It’s all souvenirs my mom got from martial arts discussion forums. If you like them I still have more at home!”

After unexpectedly obtaining a lot of cats and dogs (even if it is only notes), the usually calm class leader was actually stupefied and forgot how to display her gratitude.

I was not sure if the class leader remembered the times where Loud Mouth kissed her, so she learned from Loud Mouth, hugged onto Xiao Qin and gave her a kiss on the cheeks.

“Xiao Qin, you’re the best!”

Class leader, is your kiss only worth a few post-it notes? I let you feel a real dog twice previously (thanks to Obama’s selfless sacrifice), how come you did not show the same display of gratitude towards me!

Also, Xiao Qin was clearly scared by you! She only acted nice to you to pretend to be a simple girl! She has not calculated her next steps yet if you suddenly give her a kiss!

The class leader also felt her actions were a bit inappropriate once she calmed down. But since they were both girls, she did not violate the 100 rules of contact between boys and girls, so it was fine.

Instead, she felt awkward because I saw her kiss Xiao Qin.

Hmph, I am the one who should feel awkward! How would you feel if I ran near you and kissed Niu ShiLi on the cheeks!

“Class leader, you’re too greedy! You want to obtain both me and Ye Lin classmate?”

Xiao Qin made a dissatisfied complaint, “Ye Lin classmate, my face was kissed by the class leader, you won’t hate me, right?”

“.....”

“I feel like my body was tarnished after being kissed by someone other than my boyfriend. My heart hurts...”

“.....”

“If I think about it, I have to let Ye Lin classmate kiss me on the same spot to disinfect it! Please bestow your holy saliva upon me!”

Xiao Qin invited me with sincerity and she pointed towards her red cheek, “Kiss here, kiss here!”

Kiss my ass! Then it would not only be kissing you, it would also be an indirect kiss with the class leader! I recall that most people use plastic bottles as a tool for an indirect kiss, when has my life become so extravagant that I can use a live girl as a tool for an indirect kiss!

But for an instant, I actually wanted to give her a kiss, would that not be like kissing two girls simultaneously? Damn, I am scum.

I was not sure if it had anything to do with my wicked thoughts, but the class leader and I were both called up to write classical poems from memory in old man Zhang’s language class.