I'm Really a Superstar

Backstage, Zhang Ye told Yao Jiancai that he wanted to rest his eyes momentarily to sort out his thoughts. Instead, he was quietly opening up his game ring to access the Merchant Shop where he bought two Memory Search Capsules. After eating them, he closed his eyes and began sorting out some of Guo Degang's crosstalk segments in his memory.

Frontstage, the dress rehearsal began.

The music drifted all the way to the backstage and the gala hosts' voices followed soon after.

"Happy New Year, everyone!"

"I am Wu Sha."

"I am Da Meng!"

"And I am Dong Shanshan."

"Here's us wishing you a prosperous New Year!"

...

Online.

Other than Central TV's Spring Festival Gala, the other provincial channels' Spring Festival Galas were also garnering much attention. Some provincial channels' Spring Festival Galas were more topical than Central TV's Spring Festival Gala, and had an even more luxurious lineup too.

For example, Mango TV.

"Wow, Mango TV managed to invite Huo Dongfang!"

"Sect Leader Huo is almighty!"

"I heard they spent quite a sum of money on that! How generous!"

"I heard that Central TV's Spring Festival Gala originally wanted to invite him, but who could have expected that Sect Leader Huo would go over to Mango TV instead. Look at the show list, they even managed to get Teacher Big River to come out of his mountain seclusion too!"

"Doing a count, there are three A-list and seven B-list celebrities so far!"

For example, Liaoning Television.

"Aiyo, it's so dazzling that I'm going blind!"

"Is Liaoning TV going all out this year as well?"

"They even invited a Heavenly King? Hasn't this Heavenly King already stopped attending galas since a long time ago?"

"Right, he has been developing his career in Hong Kong all this time. This is going to be the first time that he'll appear on a Spring Festival Gala in the Mainland!"

"Holy shit, the Heavenly King's fans are already getting very excited!"

For example, Beijing Television.

"Beijing TV's Spring Festival Gala has begun their rehearsals!"

"Damn, why are Zhang Ye's and Yao Jiancai's names on the show list?"

"What? Are you serious?"

"Why would I lie to you? Go and see for yourself!"

"Ah, it's really true! This pair of seasoned partners were invited to appear on Beijing TV's Spring Festival Gala?"

"Hahahaha, I knew that Zhang Ye wouldn't sit idle this year! Even though Central TV's Spring Festival Gala did not invite him, there are still other television stations who will invite him!"

"Isn't Zhang Ye a staff member of Central TV?"

"His contract is flexible, so it shouldn't be an issue!"

"Since Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai are teaming up, they will be definitely be doing a crosstalk routine!"

"I'm really anticipating it!"

"Fuck, I'm definitely going to watch Beijing TV's Spring Festival Gala this year!"

"Beijing TV is really awesome for bringing out a weapon of mass destruction like Zhang Ye. It will definitely be very lively at the provincial stations' Spring Festival Galas this year. What an intense and close battle for views!"

"That not necessarily going to be the case. Zhang Ye might be a top B-list celebrity but his popularity is still not comparable to an A-lister."

"Although his popularity cannot be compared to theirs, but the awesome thing about Zhang Ye is his shows. No matter how popular a Heavenly King or Queen and some A-list celebrities are, the most they can do when they're on a Spring Festival Gala is just sing some songs or dance. There's nothing special about those performances since they only depend on their popularity to attract the audience's attention. However, it's different for Zhang Ye since he performs in the most popular segment of the language shows. Who wouldn't want to listen to crosstalks or watch a skit during Chinese New Year? Therefore, on such a special occasion like the Spring Festival Gala, Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai could definitely beat out three or four A-list celebrities. Even the Heavenly Kings and Queens are not their match. This was determined by the environment and atmosphere of the event. The stage of a Spring Festival Gala will forever be ruled by the language shows!"

"Beijing TV has beautiful execution!"

"It's been such a long time since we've heard Old Zhang and Old Yao's crosstalk routines! I'm definitely going to watch it!"

"I wonder what kind of crosstalk the two of them will perform for this year's rehearsal. Is there any great person who is at the rehearsal venue? Can someone do an audio recording of it for us?! Begging for a recording!"

"Ditto!"

"It'll be great if we can listen to it early."

At this moment, a Weibo user suddenly posted: "Shh, I'm at the venue now and the dress rehearsal has already started. The third show is being rehearsed now and it's not too long until Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai's crosstalk. If there's an opportunity, I'll secretly record a part of it and post it. Keep it a secret and don't go spreading this around yet."

"Wow!"

"Thank you so much!"

"My hero, please accept my worship!"

"Be careful not to get found out!"

...

Meanwhile, when the news of Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai performing a crosstalk for Beijing Television's Spring Festival Gala was exposed, voices of doubt from the crosstalk world were growing! Then, some of the disciples of the crosstalk world's leading figure, Tang Dazhang, and members of the Crosstalk Society started calling for a boycott. After last year's crosstalk and skit competition organized by Central TV, the denouncements and criticism by the crosstalk world against Zhang Ye had never stopped. It seemed like they were never going to give up doing so.

One of Tang Dazhang's disciples: "Beijing TV has stooped to a new low!"

Tang Dazhang's junior brother: "It's definitely foolish to invite Zhang Ye to perform crosstalk!"

An old artist of the crosstalk world: "Zhang Ye's crosstalk is not innovative at all. It's a degeneration of the art of crosstalk. Why would anyone actually invite him? This year's Spring Festival Gala will surely have to depend on Old Tang's crosstalk routine. Old Tang consulted with me on his routine. I've briefly seen it as well. It's really quite good, so everyone can look forward to it."

The netizens immediately started criticizing in response.

"No matter what Zhang Ye does, you'll always sing a different tune anyway."

"A 60-person crosstalk routine? Forgive me if I'm not looking forward to it!"

One of Tang Dazhang's disciples who was slated to perform in the 60-person crosstalk routine for this year's Spring Festival Gala posted: "Teacher's crosstalk this year will be a really boisterous one. It's also a subversive creation of his. There will even be a collaboration with Jingyun Dagu actresses during the performance. Good or bad, you will know after watching it."[1.]

...

Beijing Television.

It was almost time.

A staffer pushed open the door and said, "Teacher Yao, Teacher Zhang, it almost your turn."

"OK." Yao Jiancai stood up and walked out of the waiting room with Zhang Ye. On the way to the stage, Old Yao handed his cell phone to Zhang Ye to show him the criticism on Weibo. "There's really no end to it between the crosstalk world and you."

Zhang Ye said in a speechless manner, "There's even a Jingyun Dagu performance in Tang Dazhang's crosstalk?"

Yao Jiancai said, "It’s even going to with female actresses."

"Alright then." Zhang Ye laughed helplessly. "I guess they've won."

While waiting for their turn behind the stage, the two of them continued practicing their lines. Actually, they were just doing simple practice as Zhang Ye would rarely follow his lines during a crosstalk routine. Sometimes, when he thought of a joke, he would just directly throw it out to Yao Jiancai. As Yao Jiancai was very experienced and had a strong foundation, he would always manage to follow through each time. The two of them matched very well with each other and were truly the seasoned partners they were.

Up front.

On the main stage, it was busy as a large-scale acrobatics performance went on.

Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai were going to perform on a different stage that was smaller. As the next act was theirs, two microphones stands were already set up onstage.

Dong Shanshan was also standing by to announce the next act.

Nowadays, many of the Spring Festival Gala events employed two performance stages, a main stage and a secondary stage. As they were all broadcast live, many of the performances required larger props in greater quantities, and with just the brief moment of small talk by the hosts, there wasn't enough time to change the stage setup for the next performance. Therefore, using two stages was definitely more suitable in such cases.

There were quite a few people seated in the audience. Compared with those empty seats, the number of people seated here was definitely not as much. But there were still over a hundred people who came, like those from the approval board, the executives and staff of Beijing Television, and some of the more popular celebrities who had finished their dress rehearsals. They were all seated in the audience to watch the next dress rehearsals.

In the audience, Zhang Ye could see his ex-colleagues like Hu Fei, Xiao Lu, Dafei, Hou Ge, and Hou Di. He also noticed some familiar faces like Executive Director Chang Xiaoliang and a friendly and kind old lady—the current station head of Beijing Television who Zhang Ye had crossed paths with when they worked on the "Quit Smoking" PSA from back then.

Suddenly, the music stopped.

The acrobatics performance on the main stage ended!

The cameras focused over on Dong Shanshan as she started chatting with the male host beside her.

The male host said, "The acrobatics performance just now was really exciting."

Dong Shanshan replied, "That's right, I was shuddering in fear as I watched them. I was really worried for them as they performed their stunts."

The male host remarked, "Haha, they're all professionals, so they definitely won't have any trouble."

Dong Shanshan smiled. "However, our next two performers always seem to get into trouble."

The male host paused for a moment, then said, "If you have to put it that way, I won't refute it."

The station head and staff in the audience were all laughing.

The station head smiled and said, "Who wrote that into the script?"

A deputy station head smiled as he shook his head.

Chang Xiaoliang answered, "They decided on the script themselves. I only scanned through it once."

Xiao Lu whispered to the person beside her, "It's Teacher Zhang's turn!"

Dafei said excitedly, "I've been waiting for this all morning!"

Hou Ge was waving his cell phone around as he laughed and commented, "Look, those crosstalk world people are scolding Teacher Zhang again."

Hou Di said, "I wonder what kind of segment Teacher Zhang will perform this year."

"Today's just a rehearsal to work out the show's lineup duration. To keep the actual performance a secret, we've told them that they can say whatever they want when they go on stage. What they'll be joking about will just be a 'fake performance,'" Hu Fei explained.

Xiao Lu said in surprise, "Then wouldn't it be boring to watch?"

Dafei also lost his excitement and said, "Damn, why is it not the real performance used for the Spring Festival Gala?"

Hu Fei laughed. "If you want something interesting to watch, you have to wait until the actual day of the Spring Festival Gala."

No one had noticed that someone in the audience had secretly placed their hand into their pocket, pressing some buttons blindly to activate the audio recorder. The person did not care whether it was going to be a real or fake performance. As long as it was Zhang Ye's crosstalk, it would definitely be a mistake to not record it.

TL Note:

[1. Jingyun Dagu: storytelling in Beijing dialect with drum accompaniment]