Martial King's Retired Life

Volume 11 Chapter 53 Smug. Frenzy.

I stretched out my limbs. Life hadn’t been kind to me recently. Imagine being cooped up indoors, analysing how to convincingly play the role of a nigh-crazy Fengpengnia patient. Yes, it took me ages to come up with my emotionless-glaring edgelord character, but it was excruciatingly hard to stay in role. Never again was I accepting such a challenging role - it’s unhealthy.

Gewu went through every expression ever written in a novel. I would believe you if you told me he got married eighteen times and cucked eighteen times. Who could blame him? Having admitted to all of his crimes and the illegitimacy of his post, even his followers in the distance wanted to spit in his face.

I was the only one Gewu had eyes for. That sounds… gross. Let me reword that: His eyes were on me. He had a case of silent chatterbox. The man was probably so mad that he couldn’t breathe.

“Y-y-you fool-”

“Yeah, bro, I fooled you. All the cast, backdrop and scripts came together to fool you. How does it feel to enjoy the spotlight all to yourself?”

Gewu saw the four monarchs wearing smugness on their lips. “I! I! You! You! Possible!”

“You mean ‘impossible’, yeah?” I gave Ol’ Ge a friendly smile. “I was never in trouble in the first place. Those snakes, dragons, dragonsnakes and whatever don’t do squat to me. I just happened to see you musing over my condition on one of the days I came back to fetch some money, so I went along with you.”

“Scouts!”

“Well, yeah, they did see me lose it because I went crazy for them. How else do you expect me to fool you?”

“Impossible!”

“You mean, ‘possible’, yeah? You’d be right if logic applies, but, man, you can’t apply logic to Six Evils. Like, the Fengpeng I ate alive has the biggest army. After you eat, you take a dump, yeah? The Fengpeng gives birth after eating. Like, where’s the logic there?”

“But you! But you!” Gewu pointed to the corpse on the ground.

“Oh, the great guya on the ground? My bad. I almost forgot about him. Help the man up. Give Brother Lai some extra chicken drumsticks for his dedication.”

In only a few steps time, Lai Jingzhen had reverted from his corpse form to his real form.

“I’d like to take this opportunity to commend everyone on set today. First, Brother Lai deserves recognition for taking on the role of a punching bag and exploding when asked to. The next person I’d like to thank is… Please come forward.” The commoner who had his arm ripped off came forth and removed her mask for me to continue, “Our adorable Wawa. Come introduce yourself.”

“I’ll introduce you to the King of hell! You done?! Squash him already!”

I pretended not to hear Wawa in my ears, picked up a stick and went over to Hong Jiu. “But today’s best actor award goes to my junior - Hong Jiu!”

Hong Jiu took the stick and dabbed his eyes with the back of his hands. “Thank you for the love. I’d like to take the opportunity to thank my family, my director and my brother, all of whom is the same person, Ming ‘Leader’ Feizhen. Without him giving the opportunity, I would not be where I am now. Henceforward, I shall carry this honour with me on my travels to promote love and justice. Love you all. Thank you!”

“Nonsense!” Wisdom certainly did come with age. Gewu was back to his usual self, save for his tomato face. “… You already connected with the imperial court? Impossible… When did you…?”

“When I arrived at the bottom of the mountain. You don’t think I came down ahead of you to engage in idle chatter with our four envoys, did you?”

“Impossible… Impossible… Why would the four monarchs listen to you?”

“I must give you credit for reading people well. The four of them weren’t interested when I suggested we team up to lynch you; they even rolled their eyes at me.”

While they didn’t like Gegewu, they refused to go against Shaman Faith’s Great Spirit Shaman. Comparatively speaking, I was less trustworthy than him since they had met him before.

“Then…”

“Confucius said, ‘Counter rigidness with money.’” I sauntered over to Gergewu and quietly said, “I gave them a letter Western Region’s Dayue state’s King personally wrote, agreeing to do business with them. What do you think is going to happen when money moves them?”

Really, the root of it all was Gegewu. In order to pre-empt any threats to him, he obstructed states trying to develop. What he did is akin to stopping people from growing instead of continuing to grow himself so that people couldn’t keep up; it harms the competition but doesn’t reap you any gain. In order to secure the opportunity to do business with the insanely wealthy merchants of Western Regions, they sided with me without needing a minute. My request for five hundred soldiers instantly became a thousand, too. The fewer people privy to the stuff behind the scenes, the better, which was why we kept it from the envoys.

Gegewu watched me, seemingly waiting for something. As it never came, he grumbled, “You… You consumed dragon blood.”

“Did I now?” I took out a red pill from my shirt and waved it in Gegewu’s face. I smacked it into my mouth, then opened my hand, showing him the pill. “I glued it to my hand using spider silk. You actually think I’m stupid enough to think I can trust your pill? While I’m at it, you realise this isn’t dragon blood, yeah?”

“… Say what?”

“This is jiao blood. I see you’ve also obtained the crimson jiao. Given dragons make a move once every few centuries, considering the three incidents at Nieyao, you have three to four dragons, don’t you?”

“Are you crazy?! You’re Shaman Monarch, yet you’re asking someone to destroy your own faith?!”

“I’m Shaman Monarch now? Am I? I’m the Central Plain’s martial world’s Liu Shan Men’s faithful, ninth rank civil servant whose principles are not malleable to poverty, humbleness, threats, force or pork shoulders braised in soy sauce. See that dashing tough gentleman and that maiden who takes up the ocean over there? They are my superiors and her foster father. I only joined your faith to obtain intel. When did I ever sign up to your faith?! All that blood you drink must be loosening rusting screws in your head!”

Emperor Yuansheng looked pleased, very pleased.

Gegewu had no retort. Hell, not even if I would have one against such a perfect guy inside and out.

“You… You…”

“Save your breath. You think anything you say will get to me when you’re about to die?”

“You ugly freak!”

Watch your mouth!

Gegewu really was a sly bugger. Whilst we were conversing, he shifted his position to jump onto the white python’s head after disparaging me. Although Le Kuangnu died, the beast had the intelligence to know there was someone who took over, so it never made a move. As soon as Gegewu climbed on, it started wriggling.

Blue and red energies from Abels and Luo Ming, respectively, stiffed the white python, neutralising its attempt to crush some people.

“Don’t fight. Let’s go!” Gegewu, knowing he would inexorably lose, commanded.

Instead of charging through the dust to give chase, Abels and Luo Ming tuned around to me, who was pretending to take in the scenery. My reason for letting Gegewu escape boiled down to me not wanting to kill in front of Emperor Yuansheng.

Once I was sure Gegewu was gone, I yelled to Emperor Yuansheng, “I set up lots of traps up ahead. I shall go capture him now. I promise to bring him back, dead or alive.” As I took off running, I yelled, “Second, come with me.”

“On it!”

“Constable Ming, be careful!”

“Yes, Your Majesty! Wait for my good news!”

Never knew His Majesty cared about me so much. I appreciate you.

“Dugu, follow after Ming Feizhen to see what his true skills are like. Go now.”

Hold up. I didn’t get that script.