Memoirs of the Returnee-Novel

Confessing was easy. All I had to do was convey my condition to her.

“My remaining days are not long.”

It’s a rather melancholic thing to confess with my own lips, but it's an unavoidable truth.

Carrying out my revenge won’t extend my life. The ‘natural death' that everyone takes for granted is an impossible ending for me.

It’s merely the purpose of my life.

To concentrate my predetermined life on Libra, to bring ruin to the one who madethis way.

“The tI have left is too short to share with someone.”

Those with a terminal illness must always have a goal.

Without it, they can’t go on living.

“What does that mean…?”

Johanna asked with a trembling voice. Her eyes were vacant, and her heartbeat intruded faintly.

I was puzzled. It was curious.

Could such an expression really exist on her?

“l've been afraid to reveal my condition, so I’ve kept it hidden from everyone until now.”

I bowed my head. Still not losing my composure. I bit my lip as if in sorrow.

“l’m sorry.”

I said I was sorry that my illness was a burden to her.

Johanna didn’t respond. Sand swirled around her like the wind. Her magic was speaking for her heart.

“…So you’re saying you don't want to be by my side that much.”

Johanna forced a smile on her lips. She seemed to try to turn it into humor with a jest.

I replied softly.

“lt was my selfish ness.”

Johanna’s shoulders trembled.

“Perhaps, from the first tI saw Lady Johan na.”

I continued in a gentle voice, barely audible.

“…I might have had feelings for you since then.”

Deceiving myself is easy.

As much as I deceive myself, I put sincerity into my words.

“When I was ordered by Lady Johanna to play poker. When I saw Lady Johanna from the audience seats. Even when I was fleeing with Lady Johanna, I found myself unwittingly exh i la rated.”

Lady Johanna would surely read my true emotions.

“I wanted to give you something beneficial.”

She would fully sense the complex emotions of regret, sorrow, and affection that clung to me.

“But in the end, I realized.”

I lifted my head to look at her. The desert sand swirled dryly behind her, but the eyes that looked back atwere moist like dew.

“That all my actions for Lady Johanna… would one day leave scars on you”

Love eventually turns into pain. It becomes an unimaginable thorn.

Because the farewell is not far off.

“I should not be by Lady Johanna’s side.”

Johanna had already lost her words.

“From the beginning, I shouldn’t have cso close.”

It didn’t even seem like she was breathing.

“lt was mere greed that ledto this point. Despite knowing it was wrong, I wanted to be by your side.”

I let out a deep sigh and clenched my fists tightly.

“Therefore, from now on, I wish to distance myself. For your sake, Johanna.”

“……”

Suddenly, a tear streamed down her cheek. It was a thin line, barely like a tear at all, but my heart pounded fiercely.

It was quite a surprising… reaction.

Without realizing it, I reached out my fingers to wipe away her tear. Only then did Johanna seem to becaware of her own tears.

“Lady Johan na.”

I called her ncalmly. Johanna tilted her gaze to look into my eyes.

“Will you helpto die in peace?”

It was the last line I had pondered over for a long time.

Johanna quietly closed her eyes. Her breathing wavered.

“……”

When she opened her eyes again, she handeda card.

“Zia is here.”

I accepted it. It had the coordinates for Zia written on it.

Johanna said no more. Instead, she turned to leave before me.

Thud— Thud—

As she walked away, trampling over the sand dunes, I bid her farewell.

“Farewell…… be well.”

Zia fiddled with her wrist, marked by the remnants of handcuffs. Freed from the play, she sat in the passenger seat of the SUV.

“Did the job… go well…?”

She glanced briefly at the driver’s seat.

“Yes.”

Shion Ascal answered with reassuring confidence. Zia also let out a sigh of relief.

“Phew…”

“Was it… difficult for you?”

“No… it was fine.”

Vrooom—

The SUV tore through the sand dunes. Zia sank into the seat.

“What did… she say?”

“She didn’t say anything.”

No words at all.

Zia still didn’t know what was going on between Shion and Johanna. And truthfully, she didn’t want to know.

She was aware of the strategy to exploit Johanna’s emotions, but it somehow left a bad taste in her mouth.

“Would you like to listen to the radio?”

Shion asked. Zia nodded slightly.

“Yeah.”

He turned on the radio, and soon a soft melody began to play.

Yesterday—

The song by Benjamin started with the tranquil verse “Yesterday.” It was a voice Zia recognized.

She closed her eyes and quietly savored the music.

“…This is a nice song.”

“Yes. It’s very popular these days.”

Shion replied with a voice tinged with a smile.

Benjamin, who had once received a tarot reading from him, ultimately chose ‘Yesterday’ as his title track, discarded the plagiarized song, and thanks to that, was continuing to enjoy an unprecedented hit.

“…What will happen to her now?”

Zia suddenly asked. Shion was silent for a moment, as if pondering.

“l'm not sure exactly.”

He soon answered, staring out at the desert.

“I hope that she can lead a normal life.”

In the director’s office of Spring Water Hospital.

Yu Hains sat in his chair, gazing out at the world. The persistent rain soaked the dark earth below.

He suddenly felt a loneliness pressing in at his side.

Still, the fact of being alone felt strange.

A reality without her feels awkward.

But the pain is less.

The torment is the same.

The searing agony that once burned his flesh and pierced his heart is gone, but now there’s a gaping hole in the corner of his heart, an emptiness as if something big is missing.

He has becsomewhat accustomed to this feeling.

That’s why he is both worried and curious.

What happened to the two of them?

Loving a patient is difficult. Loving someone with a terminal illness is even harder.

It’s truly painful for both the terminally ill and their partner.

Because the separation is predetermined.

A farewell that is scheduled and cannot be shared is too cruel and sad…

Knock-knock—

Late at night, after all the consultations had ended, a knock sounded.

Yu Hains already knew which patient had come.

“Cin.”

The door opened.

Beyond it stood a person.

At first, Yu Hains couldn't recognize her. She was drenched from the rain.

“…Lady Johanna.”

Her always elegant attire drooped like wet laundry, and her perfect long hair was limp like seaweed.

Johanna approached, scattering droplets of water, and sat down in a chair.

Yu Hains understood what had happened to her.

“I confessed.”

A confession. It must have been quite difficult for Johanna.

Yu Hains, out of professional habit, picked up a chart.

“He also made a confession. About his condition.”

But there was no need to check anything on the chart. There was no reason to record the patient’s history.

He had already treated a similar person… Yu Hains himself, in the past.

“Did you feel like this?”

Johanna asked. Yu Hains silently looked into her eyes.

“lsn’t there a way? A way to save him.”

Somehow, she seemed to overlap with his former self.

The former self who refused to accept reality, who didn’t believe in the limits of technology, who underestimated the malignancy of the disease, and who frantically searched for a solution like a madman.

But mere denial of reality helps nothing.

“ln 15 years, we might be able to devise a method. But Shion Ascal’s lifespan is not long.”

Yu Hains had calculated the remaining life expectancy while examining him, while progressing with magical healing.

“The most optimistic expected lifespan is 9 years and 4 months.”

In an instant, Johanna’s body trembled. Her breath, unlike her usual composure, let out a groan.

“Even though his tmay extend little by little, anything beyond that is impossible with current medical technology.”

For a man just entering his twenties, it’s an endlessly short amount of time.

Johanna chuckled hollowly, as if laughing at a joke.

“He’U barely make it past thirty. If he gets injured, that twill decrease even more.”

“Yes, that’s likely.”

Johanna lifted her head. Staring blankly at the ceiling, she muttered,

“What a strange guy.”

Streams of water, indistinguishable between rain and tears, flowed down her forehead.

“That guy, he apologized for his own death to me.”

Yu Hains’s heart also shook greatly. Because it was a phrase he had heard before.

“That’s right.”

Then, Johanna looked down at Yu Hains. Yu Hains shook his head gently with a faint smile.

“lt seems that’s just how love is.”

“You’ve already experienced it all, I see.”

Johanna slumped, as if all energy had drained from her.

“Because he loves me, he can’t ccloser; because he loves me, he can’t be with me…”

She repeated the words Shion had said to her. The image of him from that day was still vivid in her mind.

It felt like she had done something wrong.

Should she have stayed by his side? Should she have been there for him, regardless of everything?

…But.

“Now I understand what he meant.”

Johanna was in pain. It felt as if her heart had been ripped out, and reality didn’t seem real.

It was as if she was dreaming.

Moreover, she wished it were a dream.

It was a feeling she was experiencing for the first tin her life.

Yes, it was ‘sorrow.’

“The closer we get, and the more I love him, the greater the disaster that will clater.”

Johanna already doubted herself.

If Shion Ascal were to cough up blood and die, if he were to wither away weakly and emaciated in his sickbed.

She didn’t believe she could bear to watch that happen with her own eyes.

“Write any amount you want.”

Johanna extended a check to Yu Hains.

“lf there’s even a single way.”

Yu Hains looked at the check.

The family seal of Libra and Johanna’s signature were already on it. But the amount was left blank, a white space.

“ITI support you indefinitely.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Yu Hains asked her that. Johanna, with an exhausted face, asked back,

“What?”

“The effort itself will be painful.”

“…”

It was advice from someone who had experienced it first-hand.

It was certainly worth taking to heart,

“He saved my life twice. I can endure the pain of trying.”

Johanna’s heart was set.

In the high society club where tranquil jazz and classical music flowed, the singer ‘Benjamin’ was conversing with the bigwigs of the political and business world.

“Really?”

“Yes. I was surprised too. The song that the fortune teller toldto remove was a plagiarized one, and the one they suggested as the title was ‘Yesterday,’ you know?”

“…Could it be just a coincidence?”

The lady sitting across Benjamin at the stable was the daughter of the Roundtable family, a Senator.

Benjamin maintained a natural expression as he shook his head.

“You might think that, but they even got the reason spot on.”

“The reason?”

“Yes. The original title I had in mind was a piece called ‘Brahms.’ But when they picked that one, they toldto drop it, saying it was imbued with someone else’s souL”

“Someone else's soul?”

“Yes. Usually, composers and artists pour their own souls into their work.”

Only then did the lady show a genuinely surprised expression.

“That’s fascinating… It can't be magic, though.”

“Of course not. There’s no such thing as magic that predicts the future.”

The lady with the goddess-like hair touched her lips with her hand, looking intrigued.

“S0, ‘Yesterday’ was also chosen by them?”

“Yes. Initially, I hadn’t planned to use it as the cover, but since they were right about ‘Brahms’ being plagiarized, I thought they might be right about this one too, so I chose it as the cover.”

Benjamin took a sip of his whiskey and smiled broadly.

“And the rest is history.”

“…That’s right. ‘Yesterday’ is a historic song.”

“Hahaha.”

“That being said.”

The lady leaned in closer to him. Benjamin’s face turned slightly red.

“Could I… perhaps have my fortune told too?”

“Fortune telling? I mean, do you have any concerns lately?”

Benjamin asked. She seemed like someone who had lived without a single worry.

The lady with the goddess-like hair gave a somewhat sad smile.

“Yes. I do have one.”

“Ah…”

“lt’s about my boyfriend.”

At that moment, Benjamin’s heart cooled sharply.

Ah, what? She had a boyfriend?

“…I see.”

Benjamin quickly shifted to a more businesslike demeanor. The lady with the goddess-like hair cautiously reached out her hand to his shoulder.

“lf it’s possible”

“Hold on.”

He shrugged off her hand with a snap.

“I got this from a friend of mine. I can’t just go around giving out their contact without asking. I’ll check with them first.”

“Ah… Okay.”

Benjamin sent a DM on social media.

Ah, but this friend is too nice, they might just connect her right away.

He narrowed his eyes and glared at the lady with the goddess-like hair.

“Also, you can't ask for too much. And don’t be too forward, like how you’re treatingright now.”

“I, I haven't been disrespectful to you, Mr. Benjamin”

“Never mind that. This fortune teller is very sensitive. Even if they don’t take a fee, make sure to bring a gift… What are you doing?”

“…Huh?”

“Aren’t you going to write down the precautions and what you need to bring?”

“Oh, yes, of course.”

The lady fumbled in her pocket and quickly pulled out a notebook.

Wow, but this woman's notebook is a luxury brand too. Why on earth would you embed jewels in a notebook?

A hopeless person is indeed a hopeless person

“Tsk tsk… Write this down.”

Benjamin clicked his tongue and began listing the items she needed to prepare.