My Pick Up Artist System

Ben left Miyuki's room and was walking back through the hallway to his own. She needed to return to work and he also had classes soon, so there wasn't a lot of time to say goodbye since she still had to clean herself up. There wasn't even time for her to freak out over the creampie, or for him to make up a random excuse…

For some reason, Ben felt that was a pity.

...

Yet, due to time constraints, he had to cut the scene from his life's theatrical release. 'Maybe in the director's cut...'

In the end, he could do nothing but leave her to handle the splooge maintenance…

However, the occasion was still worth celebrating, which was why Ben composed a customized version of Samurai Champloo's opener: "Battlecry" by Nujabes.

"Yeah, sharp like an edge of a samurai sword

The tongue blade cut through face and bone

Though my mind's at peace, these hos out of order

Missing the inner heat, p.u.s.s.y gets colder

Oh yes, I have to find the hole

No less, avoid birth, stalkers, and backfire

The s.e.m.e.n compose a magnum…opus

My modus operandi is nostalgia

Meat packed tight like hidden battleship

My plot armor, neon sign for all hos

The ultimate reward is honor, not whores

At odds with the times tryna' become a lord

A skeet-lancer

A battlecry of a pawg make the c.u.m fly and a tear dry

Wonder why a lone wolf don't run with a clan

Only trust your own d.i.c.k, and be one with the ham

Some days, some nights

Some jizz, some cry

In the way of the samurai

So tight, some bleed

C.u.m up drippin' down

The sounds of a battlecry

Some days, some nights

Some jizz, some cry

In the name of the samurai

So tight, some bleed

C.u.m up drippin' down

The sounds of a battlecry…battlecry."

…

Ben smiled in satisfaction as he reached his door and opened it after a very, very slow walk...

However, what he didn't notice was there was an audience member for this impromptu performance. At the other end of the hallway, not far from Miyuki's door, stood a person cloaked in a black hoodie...

What was strangest about this person, was after watching Ben leave, they approached the bulletin board near Miyuki's door, nudged it off the wall, and removed a tiny black object from the top corner. It had been stuck there with some kind of adhesive.

Observing this small device in their hand, the mysterious person glanced back in Ben's direction, and smirked. It was a hidden camera…

***

Ben felt on top of the world, as if thrusting down into its molten core…

Sitting on his bed, he grinned, because he knew there were a ton of new goodies waiting for him. He earned achievements not only from Miyuki, but also from the prior week of studying. After checking Fariq wasn't in the bathroom, he opened his system screen and went through them.

The first thing of note was that his monthly challenge was close to completion.

[Monthly Challenge: Four-Score and Two Inches Ago - seduce four women within one month]

[Reward: Stat Point(Random) x1]

[Punishment: P.e.n.i.s shortened by 2 inches]

[Completion status: 3/4]

There were over two weeks remaining to complete this, so he was moving at a good pace, but the problem was he'd need to find a new girl as the fourth. As of now, he'd slept with all the girls he dated from the previous month; there were no more low-hanging tits...

That meant it might not be as easy…but he'd give it a shot to give it a shot…

The other thing Ben noticed was Squirtle Hydro Pump didn't go up in exp.

Exp:[60/100]

He'd used it once before on Miyuki, so this meant he couldn't grind its exp on the same girl. 'That greedy bastard Squirtle.'

...

Still, it wasn't that big a deal, so Ben moved on, browsing his stats.

[Looks: 6 - Joe Squirt]

He shrugged. 'Joe Dirt was David Spade's best movie. Not a problem for me.'

[Charisma: 7 - A strong boost to your stats. It's too bad 100 x 0 is still 0]

Ben rubbed his tongue over his bottom lip a while... "You know what? My stats aren't 0, so how about you go back to system math class?"

[Social Status: 3(2+1) - Untouchable]

He slammed his fist into his bed! "I'm touchable! Miyuki touched me plenty!"

...

[Seduction skills: 6(5+1) - Still Joe Squirt]

'I'm telling you…I like the movie, plus he got the beauty in the end and even became famous, warming America's hearts with his i.n.c.e.s.t jokes...'

This stat went up by 1 to a 6 because Ben used the hot dog flavored water before meeting Miyuki. Since she didn't complain about it, he gained confidence in the sausage spray...

[Knowledge: (+1)6 - later years undergrad student level]

Ben sighed. While it was a good thing this rose, it was only by one point. Yet, he couldn't ask for much more because the low level stat gain multiplier wasn't too powerful to begin with. The mid level multiplier he used on charisma only raised that to a 7, so he couldn't expect anything amazing from a low level one which was 10 times weaker.

Still, a 6 was already good. Not only was it was fast progress for one week of effort, but the stat summary stated he was way ahead of the other students, since he was still a freshman.

[Manliness: 6 - Balls on your chin, everyone wins]

…

"Is that even a f*cking stat summary?!?

What does that even mean?!? Seems like an outright insult!"

...

Ben took deep breaths to calm down for a while, before continuing.

[Communication: 5 - There are so many words in the English language, so why do you only know how to curse and make s.e.x.u.a.l parody songs?]

Ben gazed out his window at the bright world outside. "I blame Trump…"

[Personal talent: 3 - How is this still so low?]

He facepalmed…

Sometimes the truth was the worst insult of all…

Equipped Title: Poison Dragon

Unequipped Titles: C*ckpuncher

The theme was steady gains. One point didn't sound like much but it was only over one week and there were almost six months remaining to finish his death challenge. Besides, his reason for buying the low level stat growth multiplier wasn't so much to improve his stats, as it was to get his school life back on track. Now that he'd accomplished that, Ben could focus on other things.

In addition, the boost in knowledge was only the beginning of his gains. There were many more to review, such as his achievements, which he looked at next.

'"There is no magic to achievement. It is really about hard work, choices, and persistence…"' Ben recalled a quote he'd seen from Michelle Obama about achievements.

'Good quote. I guess I'll dedicate this nut to her. Thanks, Obama!'

…

Ben felt good about his contribution there. First, he gender-swapped the meme—a win for women everywhere.

…

Second, he maintained his reputation for unbiased reporting by providing appropriate coverage of both parties...

He didn't want to be called fake news…

With all the bases covered, Ben started going through the achievements.

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Gullet Inspector(uncommon) - Stick your fingers down a girl's throat during s.e.x]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

He nodded. "She gets my seal of approval... Everything checked out…"

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Corporal Funishment(uncommon) - Spank a woman with a book and have her enjoy it]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

'Before everything became so politically correct, this is how our ancestors learned…'

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Inverted Throatbotomy(uncommon) - Facef.u.c.k an upside-down woman]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

'The key to originality is inverting common tropes…'

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Spewton's Law of Gravity(uncommon) - Give a woman a s.p.e.r.m facial while she's upside-down]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

'I never bought Newton's story about the apple. Now we know what really happened.'

...

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: V.i.r.g.i.n Surgeon(repeatable, rare) - Take the v.i.r.g.i.nity of a new woman]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 1000]

'My parents always wanted me to be a surgeon... I don't know about my mother but this is exactly what my dad meant.'

...

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Cultivating the Dao of Plow(repeatable, rare) - Have s.e.x with a new woman to completion]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 1000]

Ben was a wild cultivator…a soulless sellsword…a wanking wanderer…

He didn't have the unlimited clan resources of heaven's chosen who were born with silver spoons and thick stepsisters.

…

So it was a cause for celebration every time he made a minor gain in his c.u.mtivation…

'It's important to celebrate the little things. That's why I popped c.u.mfetti on her face."

…

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Jollywop(uncommon) - While having s.e.x with a woman, slap her in the face by her request]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

'Mollywop, Pollywop, and now Jollywop… System, I appreciate your thematic consistency…'

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Choke and Poke(uncommon) - While having s.e.x with a woman, choke her by her request]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

Ben saw potential here...maybe a hidden skill tree. 'I should try choke-slamming her into a river...'

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Tijuana Kickstand(fine) - While having d.o.g.g.ystyle s.e.x with a woman, post your foot on her head, keeping it firmly pressed down, like a kickstand]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 500]

Ben nodded. 'Kickstands are very necessary. It's the reason I didn't fall over.'

...

With these 3700 points and the 6700 he saved earlier, Ben now held 10400 points. It was the most points he'd ever owned! Enough to buy two low level stat gain multipliers or high level mystery boxes!

On top of that, he still had a new Japanese flag to spin Willy the wheel of fortune, and a booty chest!

Thinking about everything on the menu coming up, Ben grinned as he realized true happiness....

"I knew it: Men die for money, birds die for food, and I die for points!"

Money. Food. Points.

For Ben, that was the circle of wife…