Pay With Your Heart

Chapter 290: Selfish Or Selfless

Dan-Han has not been able to tear his gaze from his mother’s face all night till now. He couldn’t believe he had missed all the signs of her being sick. He should have paid more attention to her. When she had claimed she was okay, he should have strapped her to the seat of his car and drove her to the hospital himself. What kind of son was he?

He prides himself in being the monarch of the Lee family,y but he has failed to look over his mother. Here she was dying, and he could only hold her hand. He felt sharp tightening pain in his chest which made it difficult for him to breathe. His throat was burning so hard he could barely hold it in.

Why had they treated him like this? Why had they kept such a thing from him? He could already tell this was all his mother’s idea, but they were his friends, and one was his woman. How could they hurt him like this much?!

He hasn’t been that much of a good son to her, especially after the incident that happened years ago, but he wasn’t expecting to lose her like this. His hand over hers involuntarily tightened.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered as he placed his head on her palm. Funny how he had always denied her from touching his head. She might be intrusive, and he had scolded her a lot of times for it, but the truth was he loved her that way. Wasn’t that how all mothers behaved? And now he was going to lose his?

Dan-Han was self wallowing in guilt when he felt something soft stroke his hair. He abruptly jerked up to see her smiling at him.

“M..mom.” His voice broke, and a tear slipped down his cheek. God, she looked so pale and lifeless. Her once vibrant face was dull and colourless.

.....

“I’ll get the doctors.” He said as he jerked up to his feet, but she grabbed his hand.

“There is no need for that.” She shook her head, making Dan-Han frown. What did she mean by there was no need?

“Come here.” She patted the side of the bed, gesturing for him to sit. Dan-Han stared at her as he reluctantly sat by her bedside.

“My son.” Her weak and hoarse voice called as she reached for his cheek, a proud look gleaming in her eyes as she stared at him. “You’ve grown into a fine man, Dan-Han, and I couldn’t be more happy and proud.” She smiled.

“Where’s your father?” She asked when she noticed his absence.

Dan-Han looked at the connecting door of the room, “He’s in bad shape. He’s sleeping.” He said, making her sigh. She could already tell how bad her husband must be feeling at the moment.

Her eyes gazed at the door before settling back on Dan-Han; she held his hand, “I’m sorry.” She apologised and paused before continuing...

“I know you must be angry and sad, and I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have made such a decision, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you or your father.”

“Why? We had every right to know.” Dan-Han was yet to understand her reason for leaving her family in the dark while she suffered alone, burdening other people to lie and look after her.

Tears glistened in her eyes as she looked at him, “Because I didn’t want you to see me like this. I didn’t want to take your opportunities at a normal happy life. I didn’t want the both of you to be hopeful and fight and still lose a war you were never bound to win.”

“But that wasn’t your call to make. I’ll fight for your life because you’re my mother, and you’re father’s wife.” His eyes burned red as he looked at her. She wasn’t making sense to him.

“Dan-Han, I knew I was going to die from the first day I heard my prognosis, and no matter how much you and your father tried....I’ll still pass on.”

“But-”

“Dan-Han, fighting makes losing unacceptable. This was a battle I was never destined to win, but I’m happy I spent the last years seeing you happy. And these last months has been the most fulfilling for me when you fell in love and looked more alive than you’ve ever been. I could never bring myself to take that away from you. A child’s happiness is all a mother yearns for, even with a death burden on her shoulders.”

“What about father?” He asked. Even if she didn’t want to tell him, why didn’t she tell his father? Her husband! Marriage was for better and for worse, in sickness and health. Did she forget her vows?!

What sort of logic did his mother have?

Mrs Lee didn’t know what to say, and her lips could only quiver. Would it be wrong if she said she didn’t want to die? She wanted to spend more time with her family, watch Dan-Han walk down the aisle, see her grandchildren, bath them, clothe and spoil them, have them call her grandma. A sad chuckle escaped her lips as tears streamed down her eyes.

“I’m sorry for being selfish, son.” Was all she could say. Dan-Han lips trembled as he held her hand tightly.

But was she being selfish or selfless? It couldn’t have been easy fighting and struggling alone while she made everyone else happy. It was her nature to put everyone else above herself, but could she for once put herself first and let all the people she had taken care of all her life take care of her in return? Dan-Han wished she could be at least selfish for once.

“Don’t die... please.” He croaked. “I know I might not have been a good son, but mother, let me fight for you. Let us fight for you. I’ll do anything to save you, please.” He desperately pleaded, oblivious to the tears rolling down his eyes.

Mrs Lee sighed as she cupped the side of his face with her hand, wiping his tears away. “Do not stay angry at Eun-sun or Jae-Hyun. They did it for me. I made them promise.”

Dan-Han’s vein twitched when he remembered how those he loved had treated him like a fool.

“Dan-Han, mother will always love you.” She said with a weak and wavering smile. Dan-Han frowned at her words. He didn’t like the sound of her words.

“I’ll call the doctor.” He said as he stood up to his feet, but before she could stop him, he had hurried out of the room.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered with more tears streaming down her face and a slight smile arching her lips.

Dan-Han had only rushed back to the room when he heard the sounds of violently beeping monitors. His eyes dashed towards his mother, who had her eyes closed. His foot suddenly became heavy as his heart tensely drummed. ????????????r????????????. ????o????

The faint sound of people in white buzzing around the room, pushing carts and trying to resuscitate his mother blocked his senses. He was too lost he didn’t see his father running into the room and towards his stiffly lying wife.

“Yeona!” Father Lee called as he violently pulled her hand.

Dan-Han was yet to understand what was going on when someone approached him with a bow and said, “I’m sorry, President Lee.”

Sorry? For what?

His tearful eyes dashed towards her tear-stained face. Wasn’t she been too cruel? He had...he had just pleaded with her.

She didn’t even say goodbye?! How cruel could she be?