Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu

Volume 4, Chapter 26 [Impaction]

――He never should have asked.

Feeling a cold sweat rolling from his forehead to his jaw, Subaru once again recognized the extent of his own stupidity.

A distant-sounding ring was reverberating inside his skull, and his thumping heart groaned in pain.

[Roswaal: After hearing all of this, you are starting to regret it…… ar~~en’t you?]

Watching Subaru sink into silence, on the bed, Roswaal tilted his head.

Being asked this question by the clown playing with his long blue hair, Subaru couldn’t immediately come up with a reply. All he could do was to breathe quietly to calm himself down, and,

[Subaru: I was just, surprised, that’s all. How should I say it…… Emilia is, a bit older than I thought]

[Roswaal: Oya, didn’t you know? Emilia-sama, being Half-Elf, is a member of a race blessed with long life, though it would not be as long as the Elves. As for the Elves, you could say that unless they are killed, they would pretty much ne~~ver die]

Going along with Subaru’s evasive reply, Roswaal gave a similarly half-hearted explanation.

The characteristics of the Elves as Roswaal described them did seem to match the subculture-understanding of Elves in the original world. Subaru wasn’t sure how much the “Half” part came into, but, at least on the point of Emilia’s true age, assuming Roswaal’s words could be believed――

[Subaru: There’s at least a 60-year gap …… Even with my older-sister-complex, I’m a bit lacking in experience points when it comes to that kind of a age gap in a potential conquest target]

[Roswaal: This is unrelated, but……. from the way you said that, it sound as if you’ve had contact with other long-lifed races besides Emilia-sama befo~~re?]

[Subaru: Well, immortals and vampires are pretty common character tropes in GAL-GAMES, you know. Loli-Granny Lewes-san’s a type as well…… such are the sins of past life]

Although, Non-Humans and Loli-Granny-types weren’t really a part of Subaru’s undertakings. Subaru’s STRIKE-ZONE was usually situated around older sisters and senpais at school.

That’s why, when he learned that there was actually a 60-year age gap, he more or less had some thoughts about it,

[Subaru: But since she’s cute, I’m OK with it. NO-PROBLEM. Emilia-tan is still the brightest star in my heart!]

Besides, since long-living races live for a long time, they probably grow at a slower rate, and so they probably mentally mature at a different rate as well. He’s seen that pretty often in these kind of character setups.

Kind of like how dog age is different from human age, 20 years old in human age is probably like 200 years old in Elf years. Then――

[Subaru: If I think of it that way, 90 years old Emilia-tan is still young, just a little girl…… no, from the Elves’ point of view, she’s might actually be a Loli. Oyoy, if such a sexy beautiful girl is only a Loli…… that’s a whole new genre isn’t it!]

[Roswaal: Even though indulging in various kind of fantastical delu~~sions is a good thing, the reality is ha~~rsher than you imagined. With the passage of time, people will grow. Even the minds of Elves would not mature any slower a~~t all]

[Subaru: You… I’m desperately trying to convince myself Emilia-tan is a little girl here, why do you have to immediately disprove me……]

Even though it was just wishful thinking, it was still annoying to have his last hope pulverized right off the bat. Under Subaru’s resentful leer, with [Besides], Roswaal continued,

[Roswaal: E~~~ven I can’t just stand by while watching you cover your o~~wn eyes and pretend nothing ha~~ppened. Ri~~ght, Subaru-kun?]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Roswaal: Having heard from me what you sho~~uldn’t have heard, do you regret it so much?]

[Subaru: ……You, really are an annoying guy]

Despite Subaru trying to gloss it over, just as he was about to bury it away, Roswaal just had to dig it all up again. After tossing back this limp retort, Subaru cursed at himself one more time.

That heavy cross borne upon Emilia’s delicate shoulders―― he had dishonestly heard it from someone other than herself.

[Subaru: ……In the Trial I saw my past. I’m sure Emilia saw hers too. In that case, the past she saw must have been……]

[Roswaal: If it is the past one least wishes to look back upon…… then the one Emilia-sama saw was no doubt the day when the Great Elior Forest fro~ze]

Roswaal confirmed Subaru’s fears.

Carrying on from this train of thought, Subaru came to realize just what horror he had been forcing Emilia to go through.

There is much to gain from finding closure, and overcoming one’s past――but…

[Subaru: Then, all that time, I’ve been making her face the past where she froze everyone in ice……?]

Between Emilia and Subaru, the magnitude of the guilt attached to their forsaken pasts were worlds apart.

Of course, it was difficult for Subaru to come to terms with the fact that he was cut off from his parents by an entire world between them. And he would not forgive himself if he cheapened that experience, or saw it as anything less than it was.

But on the other hand, what about Emilia’s problem?

Whereas Subaru was loved by his parents, received a push on his back, and was forgiven, would the past that Emilia had to face grant her this affirmation, and forgive her for her mistake?

Would she receive this, and move on from her past?

[Subaru: Emilia freezing the forest…… and the Elven village inside, is all of this certain? It sounds as if there’s no room for debate, but something feels off……]

[Roswaal: It’s true that we can’t be sure what really ha~ppened. Bu~~t, this was told to me directly by Emilia-sama herself. It was Emilia-sama herself who confessed to be the one who sealed the forest in ice. That much, shouldn’t leave room for any further contention?]

[Subaru: So if you aren’t sure what really happened, it could just be a misunderstanding…… To begin with, Emilia-tan isn’t the kind of person who could do such a thing……]

[Roswaal: No no~, you misundersta~~nd, that won’t do~, Subaru-kun]

While Subaru was trying to search for some excuse, Roswaal held him back with three drawn-out calls. Having been cut off this way, Subaru shot him a sharp and perilous glare. But Roswaal only waved his hand, pretending not to notice it,

[Roswaal: The fact of what actually happened, is no~~t the issue here. The real issue is the fact that Emilia-sama is firmly convinced of the idea, “I am the one who froze the forest”]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Roswaal: To Emilia-sama, this is the truth of what happened. Consequently, the Trial which Emilia-sama must face is also based upon this version of the truth. ――In tha~~~t case, just what do you think we should do?]

[Subaru: You……. what are you even thinking?]

Asking this question as if they were playing some lighthearted game, it was impossible to fathom what was going through Roswaal’s mind. As if he couldn’t take it anymore, Subaru wrenched out these words.

Just how… how could this man keep smiling in a situation like this?

[Subaru: I don’t expect you to sympathize with Emilia’s past, or feel for her or anything of the sort, but…… if you know full well the weight of that burden, and know what pain must be going through her heart, then what the hell are you doing having so much fun while she is sent in to challenge the impossible Trials?]

[Roswaal: Fu~~~mu]

[Subaru: What is wrong with you!? You…… don’t you want Emilia to be King? You are the one who is going to make her King, aren’t you? I know what you are trying to do. You think letting Emilia liberate the Sanctuary will win her the support of both Arlam village and the Sanctuary…… that I understand……]

But,

[Subaru: On the other hand, when it comes down to the critical moment you’re just leaving Emilia to her own devices. If she cannot liberate the Sanctuary, then the whole game falls apart…… how can you just sit around as if there’s nothing to worry about when the situation has come to this deadlock!]

[Roswaal: …………]

[Subaru: I’ve said it before. I won’t rest until I’ve made Emilia King. And I intend to make that true…… As for you, do you really intend to make her King?]

[Roswaal: ――Without a doubt]

Roaring, his shoulders trembling, Subaru asked Roswaal this heartfelt question. But, at the end of his last question, Roswaal’s answer came down like a bucket of cold water on his seething face.

In front of his eyes, Roswaal didn’t move an inch―― with steady eyes, his gaze was fixed dead upon Subaru. Then, he,

[Roswaal: Do I intend to make her the King? Certainly, I do. ――Other than myself, there is no one else who would wish more for her to be King. Not even Emilia-sama herself, or a man like you, can match my desire for this, or the reason for my conviction]

[Subaru: Ros……waal?]

[Roswaal: That you would hound me like this, and doubt my motivations, is truly laughable. Absolutely, laughable. ――Are we still not there yet, after all?]

There was rage in his quiet words, and it was the first time Subaru ever sensed this from Roswaal.

But, halfway through, the heat vanished from his impassioned words, until, at last, it fell to a whisper and scattered like mist. In the end, with a final profound musing, he brought his speech to a close, and,

[Roswaal: Subaru-kun. Unfo~~tunately, this will be all for tonight. I a~~m still recovering from my wo~unds. At least, I hope you’d grant me a little re~st]

[Subaru: We’re…… no, nevermind]

Subaru reached out his hand, trying to hold Roswaal back from one-sidedly ending the conversation, but he realized it would be futile, and drew it back again.

Ending their talk in a lighthearted tone, Roswaal plainly refused any further discussion. Since he had already been rejected this way, even though the person was still lying in the bed right in front of him, it was already too late to ask anything more.

Shaking his head, holding back his disappointment, Subaru turned his back to the bed.

He had already said what he came here to say. Whether or not the situation of the villagers of Arlam would change for the better is still unknown, but Lewes will probably not refuse Roswaal’s request.

If that much can be done, then the stagnating circumstances will at least move forward. Even though, for Subaru, there were still many more hurdles to come.

[Roswaal: ――Subaru-kun]

Just as he was about to leave the room, Roswaal’s call stopped him. Halting his legs, and looking back, he saw that Roswaal had already laid his head down on the pillow, and was not looking at him.

[Roswaal: The Qualification… you’ve received it?]

[Subaru: Ah. Yeah, haven’t I mentioned it yet? Yeah. I took the Trial too. Actually, if going inside is like getting baptized with that stuff, then maybe you could……]

[Roswaal: ――No~ no, that will not be possible. I’m afraid the Tomb will not accept me. The fact that I carry these scars of rejection should make that clear enough]

Having glossed over the part about the Qualification, and recalling their conversation from the previous world, Subaru raised his brows in astonishment. In the previous world, when he told Roswaal that he had challenged the Trials, he could remember Roswaal’s expression turning terribly dark.

But this time, there was only a tinge of loneliness that didn’t seem noteworthy at all.

[Roswaal: ……Choose what is best, Subaru-kun]

[Subaru: What?]

[Roswaal: In this place, you are the one person who could move most freely. You are completely unbound by the Sanctuary. Nor are you constrained by any obligation to the Royal Selection]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Roswaal: Go on being guided by your desires, go on struggling, until you hold everything within your hands. To agonize, and to be lost, and only then can you obtain it…… Even if it would not satisfy you, even if you could not understand it, see it through to the end]

Roswaal said this without showing his face. Without the usual clownish intonations, Subaru was stunned by these uncharacteristically cynical remarks, and could only stand there stupidly on the spot.

Until, after a little while had passed, he suddenly realized that Roswaal had been saying those words to himself.

[Subaru: Hey…… that’s, not like you at all. What’s wrong, Ros-chi?]

[Roswaal: Sometimes I want to try something different, tha~~t’s all. ――I suppose, it seems I didn’t ma~ke it]

There was no way he could understand that open-ended sentence. But, just as he was about to ask, Roswaal waved his hand on the bed, urging Subaru to leave.

Seeing this, standing in front of Roswaal, who had turned away from him, Subaru let out a long, drawn out sigh through his nostrils,

[Subaru: Good night]

And, leaving this behind, he stepped out of the room.

[Ram: ……You didn’t impose any burdens on Roswaal-sama, I hope?]

The first thing that greeted Subaru as he came out of the bedroom were these words of interrogation and Ram’s sharpened stare.

The pink-haired girl was about half a head shorter than Subaru, but on matters that concerned Roswaal, her intimidating presence would make her body appear twice as big as it actually is. In any case, Subaru started shriveling under the immense pressure.

[Subaru: We just calmly talked about some stuff, that’s all. There were no collar-grabs or wrestling throws or anything, don’t worry]

[Ram: What an optimistic Barusu. Setting foot inside the Tomb, only to be rejected, do you realize how cruel that was to Roswaal-sama…… You don’t even understand that much, and have the audacity to be a smartass about it?]

Ram didn’t conceal her displeasure as she blasted back at Subaru for his response. Seeing her priorities clearly laid out, Subaru couldn’t help but smile wryly, and,

[Subaru: Well he was gonna go to sleep, so I kinda got kicked out…… I already said what I had to say, so it’s fine]

[Ram: Is it. ……At least, if Roswaal-sama makes the request, I think Lewes-sama will probably accept. But as for Garf…… I don’t know how he will react]

[Subaru: If he’s gonna grumble, then we’ll have to rely on your seduction skills. You just have to strike a cute pose and…… you know how to do that, right?]

[Ram: Isn’t Ram cute already?]

[Subaru: No I mean, well, if it’s just the outer appearance then it’s pretty cute……]

After all, aside from the hair color, she looked exactly like Rem. Very very cute. The only problem was that the cuteness and Ram’s fresh-personality kind of managed to cancel each other out.

[Subaru: But to go after you, Garfel sure has some bizarre tastes. No, or, maybe it’s just hard to tell from the appearance…… kind of like the puffer fish, you kn-OWOWOW!]

[Ram: I am pretty sure that wasn’t a compliment, so this is how I am responding, Barusu]

Stomping on Subaru’s toes with her heel to her heart’s content while watching tears jerking out of his eyes, Ram huffed through her nose. Then, she stood in front of the door to Roswaal’s bedroom, and,

[Ram: Ram will change Roswaal-sama’s bandages, and then rest for the night. I suppose Barusu will sleep in the Cathedral like yesterday? Even a Barusu should be able to remember a simple location, I assume?]

[Subaru: My sense of direction’s surprisingly good, you know. Besides, it’s the biggest building here. Although having no street lights is kind of a pain]

The Sanctuary was an undeveloped area that relied on starlight to light the way at night. But still, on clear nights, the light descending from a star-filled sky was often enough to keep the darkness at bay. Unfortunately, it’s cloudy today.

Looking out the window, aside from the sprinkles of glimmering lights from the village houses, all the rest was completely dark.

He felt just a little, tiny unease about the road back home.

[Subaru: Getting lost and wandering into the forest and getting a random encounter with a BEAST and then going into BADEND―― probably won’t happen, right? It’s ok, it’s ok]

[Ram: The possibility of that happening was very low to begin with, but after you said that out loud it seems to have slightly increased. Alright. Barusu, the Cathedral is directly to the right hand side after you leave the building]

[Subaru: O~k got it! So it’s the chopstick-hand side, right? Although there doesn’t seem to be a chopstick-culture in this world]

Since the dining culture here mainly consists of silverwares like knives and forks and spoons, Subaru’s remark just now obviously made no sense to Ram. Anyways, thinking about whether he should try shaving down some trees and start mass producing chopsticks here if he ever gets the chance,

[Subaru: Anyways, I’ll head back to the Cathedral…… since it’s still uncertain whether they can return to the village, just so we don’t get their hopes up, maybe it’d be best if we don’t mention that we’re negotiating for their release yet?]

[Ram: Agreed. If we hold the talks tomorrow…… it would still be at least the day after tomorrow before they could leave. In the meantime, how to deal with Echidona’s Tomb is what we need to think about]

[Subaru: ――――]

Inadvertently, just as he was about to say some last words on his way out of the house, Subaru suddenly froze in place. The abrupt halt sent a surprised look onto Ram’s face, but Subaru, who had turned around to look at her, seemed even more confused than she was. Then,

[Subaru: ……what did you say just now?]

He asked in a raspy voice. Hearing Subaru’s question, Ram, still not any less surprised, tried to remember what she just said, and,

[Ram: The Tomb is what we need to think about?]

[Subaru: No, before that]

[Ram: Isn’t Ram cute already?]

[Subaru: Went back too far! ……You said Echidona’s Tomb, right?]

Feeling stupid after missing the right answer twice in a row, Subaru gave up and answered the question himself. Seeing Ram nodding reluctantly, Subaru pressed his hand against his forehead. ――With terrifying speed, the memories flooded back into his consciousness.

“Echidona”

It was the name of the Witch of Greed, that white-haired girl in funerary dress, the self-proclaimed Incarnation of the Thirst for Knowledge, and the most important Bokukko-stereotype in this Parallel World. And above all,

[Subaru: What the hell were you trying to do…… messing with other people’s memories……]

The entity who had done her work on Subaru’s memories so that no one else could learn of her secrets.

At the end of the tea party, before the impending Trials, she had forcibly extracted an oath from Subaru. But if that was the price he had to pay to receive the Qualifications, then he would willingly accept it.

[Subaru: Whether it was bugged or that was how it’s supposed to work…… either way, the restriction’s lifted!]

The restriction that Echidona was supposed to have placed on Subaru was lifted, and his memories were unbound.

Within his mind, the encounter with the Witches, the tea party, and his meeting with Echidona in school-uniform in his old classroom in the Original World, all of them, one by one, returned to him. And, having remembered, Subaru’s thoughts arrived on a possible a way to break open the deadlock on the Sanctuary. It would be akin to a forbidden move, but,

[Subaru: If the Cathedral’s on the chopstick-hand side, then the Tomb’s on the bowl-hand side――!]

[Ram: Barusu――?]

[Subaru: I better not keep you up too late! It won’t be good to put too much strain on a guy who just recovered from a major illness!]

Waving up his hand in response to Ram’s call from behind, Subaru charged out of the building and into the night. Not to the bed inside the Cathedral, but to the Tomb he had left only two hours ago.

Timewise, even if he went to the Tomb, there was very little chance that he’d be able to confirm his idea. But while the chance may be low, he couldn’t resist trying it out. At least, if it couldn’t be done on this night, he’d know.

[Subaru: After taking the first Trial, all sorts of annoying things just popped one after another. So invite me to another tea party, Witch…… no, Echidona!]

Flying down the streets of the Sanctuary, lit only by the dim natural lights of the night, Subaru ran on.

The icy wind, the muddy ground, the sweat on his brow, and his panting breaths―― all these sensations pressed his exhausted body onward. And, when he arrived,

[Garfiel: Yo…… thought you’d be comin’]

Blocking Subaru’s path was the youth with short blonde hair―― Garfiel, standing guard in front of the Tomb.

[Garfiel: Impressive, out runnin’ so late at night. Born a man aft’r all, we’re obliged t’make an effort n’get strong. “Th’Winbrook’s the warrior’s qualifications”, yeah?]

Garfiel spread out his arms standing in middle of the night’s path, gradually baring his fangs as he spoke, barring Subaru’s way ahead. Seeing him do this, all the hairs on Subaru’s skin stood on end.

[Subaru: Ohh, sorry but I really wasn’t pretending to be jogging or anything like that. Too bad I can’t stay and chat. It’s not that I have a deadline, but, it doesn’t hurt to do it early……]

[Garfiel: Yer’not gettin’ it, oy]

A sharp noise―― it was the cracking-sound of Garfiel’s foot stomping into the ground faster than the eyes could see.

Soil flew up in all directions, and stamped into the hard surface of the path was a boot-shaped impression. Seeing Subaru’s eyes widen, Garfiel clacked his teeth,

[Garfiel: If I see ya comin’ back here again with this late night runnin’ bullshit, can’t guarantee what I’ll do]

[Subaru: It’s only been a short amount of time, but why does it already sound like we can’t understand each other…… am I left out of the loop about something here?]

[Garfiel: Who knows. But you’re blind to what’s happenin’ around ya, think least that’s for sure]

Subaru said this, trying to relax the tension in the atmosphere, but it didn’t seem to reach Garfiel, whose gleaming eyes continued to harbor the same hostility.

Garfiel, touching the white scar on his forehead,

[Garfiel: All that’s ahead from here’s the Tomb. You ain’t gonna go all the way there t’take a piss, are ya?]

[Subaru: What, you wanna go together? Peeing on a Witch’s grave or whatever, I actually never thought of this kind of revenge tactic before]

From what Subaru knows about Echidona, maybe she won’t even be angry about it, and might even find it amusing. But anyways, without lowering his guard about Subaru, Garfiel seemed to want to continue the conversation,

[Garfiel: It couldn’t be that yer tryin’ to challenge another Trial on the same night y’passed the first one, could it? That’d be a bit greedy, ain’t it?]

[Subaru: No way I’m considering something that crazy. I was just, planning another approach]

[Garfiel: Conniving, aren’t ya]

[Subaru: Conniving?]

Tricks, forbidden hands, data-disk of inconceivable tactics or whatever you want to call it.

Faced with absolute darkness, blind within that pitch-black world where he could only feel his way forward, he must clench tight onto any small hope of light, suck out its marrows, and swallow it to the last drop.

[Subaru: So get out of the way, Garfiel. I need to go into the Tomb. Perhaps there’ll be a way to solve all of our problems……]

[Garfiel: S’rry, but absolutely not. Yer absolutely. Not. Gettin’ into this Tomb]

Against Subaru’s determination, Garfiel had no intention of backing down.

Met with Garfiel’s stubborn refusal, Subaru’s confusion was giving way to anger.

Just why, why, of all people, must this man be the one standing in his way.

[Subaru: You probably feel the same way about me, don’t you. That’s why you’re standing here in front of me like this. But even so…….]

[Garfiel: Didn’t I tell ya not to give me that bullshit? Once I decided, I ain’t gonna bend. You ain’t gettin’ through, for the Sanctuary or not]

[Subaru: Why do you hate me so much all of a sudden…… Just what the hell do you have against me!!]

Compared to the first day, and the last iteration, Garfiel’s attitude could not have been more different. Faced with this unreasonable treatment, Subaru screamed, demanding Garfiel’s true intentions.

Hearing that question, Garfiel scrunched up his nose, twisting his face into an expression not unlike a wild beast, and spoke.

[Garfiel: ――Yer stench]

[Subaru: ――Huh?]

Without meaning to, Subaru groaned stupidly.

In front of him, Garfiel covered his own nose with his palm,

[Garfiel: Ever since y’came outta the Tomb, the stench of the Witch’s Miasma’s just been fumin’ out’a yer body. ――Y’expect me t’trust a guy stinkin’ of the Witch rollin’ with a Half-Witch!? The fuck y’take me for!?]

Jolting up his arms, exposing his fangs, Garfiel laid bare his rage,

[Garfiel: THIS IS THE SANCTUARY! The Experimental Grounds of the Witch of Greed! The cesspool of half-wits who have no place to go, a fuckin’ PILE OF IMPACTED SHIT!!]

-=Chapter 26 End=-