Red Envelope Group of the Three Realms

"Damn it. I really can't take this… Where is Sister Chang'e? Why did you guys send me the God of Misfortune? It's obvious that you bunch of childish gods are trying to mess with me!"

Chen Xiaobei was genuinely upset by what was clearly a cheap move on part of the Primeval Lord of Heaven.

"Should I just leave him and let him rot?" Chen Xiaobei muttered darkly.

However, he thought that it was rather unkind of himself especially since Shaoba Xingjun did not even register for the mission. They were both on the same boat, and the once-immortal deity might starve to death if Chen Xiaobei refused to help him. He was not that evil, and the God of Misfortune was essentially blameless.

"Whatever. I should contact Shaobao Xingjun and guide him…"

"Bro Bei! I heard something!"

Yap Liangchen's voice rang outside the house. ɴᴇᴡ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ᴘᴜʙʟɪsʜᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ɴovelFɪre.net

"What happened?" Chen Xiaobei opened his balcony door to find both Yap Liangchen and Cangjin Gu standing outside.

"There's an assassin, but we didn't kill him because you mentioned earlier that you need more merit points. We've saved him for you!" Yap Liangchen replied.

Chen Xiaobei was thrilled. "Let's go check it out!" 

It was midnight. There was no one outside while Chen Xiaobei's parents were already asleep. The assassin was clearly arrogant enough to enter the house through the front door. It was a short man in his fifties who had a sharp, mousey face. His hair was unkempt and filthy, and combining that with his small eyes and wispy mustache he looked very much like a pervert.

*Whoosh*

*Whoosh*

*Whoosh*

Chen Xiaobei, Yap Liangchen and Cangjin Gu leapt from the balcony and surrounded the assassin.

Spooked, the perverted-looking man fell to the ground.

"What the hell… You guys scared the shit out of me…" he squealed.

"This is an assassin?" Chen Xiaobei and Cangjin Gu exclaimed, looking at Yap Liangchen in surprise.

"Hmmm… I might have made a mistake…" Yap Liangchen replied, scratching his head.

Ding!

[Cultivation: N/A. Health: 5. Combat power: 5!]

Chen Xiaobei was absolutely certain that the man was not an assassin after examining him with his Netherspirit Battlescouter. "Old man. Who the hell are you? Why did you come to my house?" He asked.

"I'm looking for someone here, but I'm not allowed to reveal my identity until I meet him." The man said fearfully and gingerly. "Is Chen Xiaobei staying here?"

That was when Chen Xiaobei realized what was happening. "Are you Shaoba Xingjun?" He quickly asked.

"Are you God Chen? God Chen! Finally… It took me some time to locate your house… I shall follow your lead from this day forth. You must help me complete my mission!"

"I…" Chen Xiaobei did not know how to reply. Initially, he thought he could simply abandon the deity by not picking him up, but Jiang Ziya must have already secured his house-address. That douchebag of a deity must have lived long enough to learn how to read a person's mind after all. It was impossible for Chen Xiaobei to outwit him.

"Bro Bei… Shaoba Xingjun is the God of Misfortune, right? Aren't you afraid that his bad luck would come to you?" Yap Liangchen said nervously while taking a few steps back unconsciously.

"Superstitions! The God of Misfortune does not exist!" Cangjin Gu knew quite a lot about the Chinese folklore. His thought on the matter were rather transparent.

"Well… There is indeed… a God of Misfortune… In the directory of Chinese deities…" Chen Xiaobei gulped. He feared that Shaoba Xingjun would suddenly grab his hand tightly.

"God Chen, don't you worry! All my abilities have been stripped, and I don't have and aura of misfortune," Shaobao said earnestly.

"Alright… I wouldn't have dared to let you in my house otherwise." Chen Xiaobei was slightly relieved.

"Bro Bei… I find it hard to believe that such a deity exists. Shouldn't we test him first?" Cangjin Gu said respectfully, albeit with a doubtful tone.

Chen Xiaobei nodded. "Shaobao Xingjun, I remember that you carried over one of your abilities to the human realm, right?" he asked. "What does it do?"

"It's the Mouth of Curses. In other words, I can curse others, and they would simply come true." The mortal deity said.

"Sounds great! So that means you could create a curse like getting hit by a car or being struck by thunder?" Chen Xiaobei pressed on excitedly.

"Sure thing...Those are quite basic curses!"

"Wow! That is impressive… It means that you can kill someone with the power of words… From today onwards, I just need your ability to wipe out all who offend me! This is simply amazing! Hehehe…" Chen Xiaobei giggled excitedly.

"Uhm… God Chen, I think you misunderstand." Shaoba Xingjun interjected. "Killing others with my curse is an easy job when I was still a deity, but I virtually lost all my powers after I came here. All I could do are some really basic curses that can't even kill a person.".

"Bummer…" Chen Xiaobei rolled his eyes. Of course, Jiang Ziya would deny him the good stuff. The Mouth of Curses may be powerful when the God of Misfortune was still divine, but now it was about as useful as a refrigerator in the Antartica. 

"Shaoba Xingjun, that sounds extraordinary. Can you give us a demonstration?" Cangjin Gu insisted. It seems that he really wanted to see if Shaoba Xingjun was the real deal.

"I could do that, but I don't have targets. And I would never throw curses at you three, since all of you are God Chen's friends!" The God of Misfortune appear to be a rather nice guy.

"Curse me! I've been an atheist all my life!" Cangjin Gu said boldly.

"Well… Just choose three events, I'm really good at the curse of the three unluckiest events."

"What three unluckiest events?" Cangjin Gu asked, while Chen Xiaobei and Yap Liangchen also paid full attention. They appeared very interested. 

"The three unluckiest events would be pee splashing onto your shoes when you pee, feces dropping out when you fart, and toilet paper tearing off when you wipe your bottom. Choose one, I can definitely make it come true!"

*Blaaargh…*

Chen Xiaobei and Yap Liangchen leaned so low to vomit that they almost struck the ground with their heads.

"What the hell… These three options are not kidding…" Cangjin Gu became nervous. There was no way he would allow those things to happen to himself – one of the greatest prodigies in Japan! No person in their right mind would offer themselves as test subjects for such curses either!

"It's going to be so cool if he could really make all three curses come true!" Yap Liangchen said.

"Such curses are pretty useless actually. They don't cause any real harm to enemies…" Chen Xiaobei disagreed, shaking his head.

"Let's try something else, then. Young man, I want you to hit me," Shaoba Xingjun said.

"Me? Hit you? Sir, you must be joking. You'll become a pile of dead meat if I do hit," Cangjin Gu narrowed his eyes fearsomely. 

"Don't worry! Just come at me!" Shaoba Xingjun said confidently.