Reincarnation: From Opressed Missy to Campus Belle

An Xiulan was lying on Han Zixin’s lap when she was seeing the pink-colored clouds in the sky and in front of them were the endless field of flowers. He was softly caressing her hair while she was staring at the beautiful view of the sky.

“Do this, “An Xiulan said as she made him lightly pat her forehead. It felt so relaxing this way to stay like this. If it was up to her, she would just fall asleep here in his arms.

“As my queen says, “Han Zixin said and she smiled shyly at him.

“Can I ask you a question?” An Xiulan asked him.

“Hmm, “Han Zixin responded while he waited for her to ask the question.

“What would you do if you had a secret that you could not tell anyone?” An Xiulan asked him.

An Xiulan had a secret that she could not tell anyone. It was a secret that she could not admit to herself. What if she even said it out loud to herself and everything would be undone? Could she take this risk?

Sometimes she didn’t even remember that the body she was in didn’t belong to her. She had completely forgotten about her life as Duke’s daughter that sometimes it got scary for her.

She usually forgot her real identity. Sometimes, she felt like she was crazy to go think that someone can transmitted into someone else’s body. Did it even sound logical to herself who had studied science and logics of this modern world? She was someone who had this experience first hand and yet she was not able to accept it.

If she couldn’t accept it herself, who else would believe her?

This life was not her own. She was scared most of the days that she would go back to that world. It was one of the reason why she didn’t take people for granted. She always loved them and made sure that they knew that she loved them. She didn’t want to fight with anyone as she feared that if one day there was a sudden end to her life here, it was on good terms.

She did not know anything about other persons who transmigrated but she knew herself that it was a very scary and insecure phenomena. It was miraculous to get a second chance at life but the feeling of uncertainty that you would wake up one day to find yourself in miserable life was traumatic.

Han Zixin pondered for a long time before answering this question. What would he do if he had a secret that he could not tell anyone?

“If I had a secret that I could not tell anyone, I would try to forget it, “Han Zixin answered.

“Why?” An Xiulan asked him.

Han Zixin replied, “Because it is something that I cannot share with anyone. No matter how much I want to share to feel light, I cannot do that. If I could, I would have done a long time ago. Not sharing that secret with people who are closest to my heart like you would make me guilty because I would feel that I am trying to hide a part of me that I feel was not justifiable. In that case, I would want to forget that secret because if I can’t remember the thing that is causing me problems, I won’t feel those problems at all.”

Most of the time, the feeling of guilt and insecurity killed a person. If he had a secret like that and he could not tell her, he would feel guilty. He would feel as if he was not doing justice to her. This would make him feel that she did not deserve it which in turn would make him feel unworthy of her and then the insecurity would hit him. And guilt and Insecurity were the biggest murderers of a relationship that he didn’t want anyone to go through.

“What if it is very hard to forget?” An Xiulan asked. On Normal days she would forget that she was hiding any sorts of truth from anyone. She would completely forget it. She would be so lost in the flow of life that she would not recall that the life that she was living did not belong to her but then on a very happy day, she would be lying on her bed and trying to sleep, she would sudden it recall it and then guilt and insecurity would gravelly hit her.

“Then, I want you to know that it doesn’t matter if you can’t tell anyone about this because as long as we don’t know that you are hiding anything or you can’t tell us anything, it doesn’t matter at all. It only exists in your mind not in ours, “Han Zixin said. “I want you to be happy. It is okay if you can’stay anything. There are some secrets that are only meant to be for you and not for anyone else.”

An Xiulan was left blinking when he said this.

“I don’t want you to let the guilt and insecurity to take the worst of you, “Han Zixin said. “Don’t let these two negative emotions to take the worst of you.”

An Xiulan nodded her head. She would do her best to avoid guilt and insecurity.

“Did we get too serious?” Han Zixin asked.

An xiulan laughed. “I think we just did. Shall we come back to normal?”

“I am not brave enough to have deep talks for more than a few minutes, “Han Zixin answered him. “It is your department. Not mine.”

An Xiulan laughed. “Yes. Yes. You are right.”

As they were lost in each other, he felt his phone ringing. It was his grandfather texting him.

“What happened?” An Xiulan asked as she sensed a change in his demeanor.

“Yeye is asking me to go to Ge’s place, “Han Zixin said. He looked rather out of place. She felt as if his body was here but his mind was somewhere else. It happened so suddenly that she was left wondering about the reason behind it.

“Did he tell you why?” An Xiulan asked. What could be the reason that Han Zixin looked this disturbed? Was everything fine? She had begun to get worried about him.

“Yes, “Han Zixin said. “But I don’t know what to do.

An Xiulan furrowed her brows. “What is the reason?”

“Yeye wants me to meet Han Ziqiu’s daughter, “Han Zixin said. “She is at Ge’s place. I don’t know what she is doing there. But he wants me there as soon as possible.”

Han Ziqiu. No wonder Han Zixin looked this disoriented. It was always that damned man that made her boyfriend this stressed and uncomfortable. She never met him but she could tell that she did not like him. She had so many reasons to not like that her words would end but the reasons would not. No, he had never done anything to her but the grudge that she had against that man was bigger than anything else in this world.

“Han Ziqiu’s daughter is your sister, isn’t she?” An Xiulan said.

“Is she?” Han Zixin could not help but ask.

“What’s her name?” An Xiulan asked. “How old is she?”

“How would I know?” Han Zixin asked. “And I don’t have any sister.”

“Zixin, do you know how much An Xiulan was mad at Lu Xuan?” An Xiulan suddenly said with a smile. “Do you know how much she hated that because of her parents, she had to live without her brother for so long?”

Nobody knew how much An Xiulan wanted to see her brother Lu Xuan when she died but the fucked up relationship of her parents deprived her of many things.

Han Zixin didn’t know why she was suddenly talking in third person but what she said made sense to him as he knew the context behind it.

“What do you want me to do?” Han Zixin asked her.

“Me?” An Xiulan asked, pointing at herself. “Who am I to ask you to do something? It sounds so wrong. I am just asking you to not make any decision without thinking. I want you to think about how you will behave with Han Ziqiu’s daughter. If you will punish her for her father’s sin.”

An Xiulan looked up at him and said, “Do you know what? She is not just Han Ziqiu’s daughter. She is Yeye’s only granddaughter that he always wanted. She is someone Yeye will go to space to get the moon for. She is Han Nanxian’s sister who would wrap him around her pinky finger. She is someone who is one of the closest people to you in DNA. If you will give her little love, she will give you back in abundance. She is—”

Han Zixin put a finger on her lips and hushed her. “Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”

An Xiulan grinned. “No, you didn’t say anything today.”