The Abandoned Empress

I wish I were your shadow, so I can hang on to you casually. I wish I were your shadow because nobody will ask me to reveal myself.

Tia, don’t hate the shadow too much.

So, don’t deny the shadow too much, my lady.

If the shadow that chases you knows that, it will be very sad. If you deny it, I have to hide in the shade like a shadow and disappear quietly.

My moonlight, my love, my lady. Should I, looking at you like this, really disappear like a shadow quietly? I’ll do it if you want, Tia because the shadow that is denied by its owner will lose the meaning of its existence. I’ll do it if you want, my lady. I hope that you can be a brilliant light.

“Wow, there are a lot of people here.”

Hiding my frustration, I looked at my young lady wandering around excitedly. She was smiling broadly as if she shook off all her worries and troubles. Perhaps this might be my last date, perhaps this might be the last chance for me to be with my beloved girl alone, I couldn’t smile brightly, but no matter how hard you tried. I felt more and more empty. Although I knew that I would regret that I didn’t enjoy the party as much as I could have, even though I felt the precious time was passing by, I could not enjoy it like my lady.

“Is it fun, Tia?”

“Huh. I wish I had come here sooner. ”

“Oh, I’m glad to hear that.”

Yes, as long as you have fun, I’m okay. As long as you enjoy it, I’m okay. I’m okay because I can remember your joy. As I told you someday, I can recall all the good memories I made with you instead of the bad ones. I can only recall your smiling pretty.

I’m glad as you said it’s fun to spend time with me. I’m really glad because you can have a good memory of the last day I had with you today.

“Allen, why don’t we go over there, too?”

I nodded at my lovely lady smiling at me. Led by her as she grabbed me excitedly, I went into a makeshift tent.

I was so sad I couldn’t appreciate the play, but I found myself getting immersed in the play on the stage before I knew it. As the play progressed, it seemed like it was dealing with my story, so I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

The shadow young man who wants to take the place of his weak and stupid brother was I who want to take my brother Alexis’ position. The woman that the young man’s father chose as his brother’s bride was Tia, who my father chose as my brother’s bride candidate. The young man who loved was I who loved and longed for Tia.

I regarded myself as the young man who repeatedly sent letters to the woman. I recalled the days I wrote numerous letters to Tia when she went down to the estate. Even now when I am overwhelmed with my longing for Tia, I’m still writing dozens of letters that I will never send to Tia.

My heart was broken when I saw the young man who couldn’t confess his love to the woman.

Everyone around me laughed at him, and even my lady laughed, but I couldn’t laugh because I sympathized with his miserable feelings more than anyone else. I felt like I was like that young man. I could acutely feel how he would have felt in that situation.

“How cruel love is! When I saw you smiling and thinking of me, my heart was sweet like honey. When I saw you wearing a pure white dress for someone else, my heart was burning like a poison. Now it looks like my heart already burned and became ash. Beloved ones, be happy. I will plant the flowers of blessing for you. ”

Especially, the young man’s last message struck emotional chords.

I was like that young man. When I saw Tia smiling at me, it was sweet like honey, but when I saw her smiling at the crown prince, I felt like my heart was burning as if I had been poisoned.

Like that young man, my heart turned into white ash.

What if I saw my lady wearing a pure white dress for another man? Maybe I would take the same path as that young man because I had no reason to breathe anymore, losing the meaning of my life.

When my heart turns into a pile of ashes, the blood flowing through my body will also be burned.

While I was sliding into despair, I came to my senses when I found Tia holding a red flower blankly. Oh my… my condition is serious now. How can I feel so nervous just because she is holding a flower?

When I looked at her, who was looking down at the flower, the first such in her life, I made the decision to propose to her even if she refused it. I just wanted to reveal my honest feelings to her instead of repeating the life of that young man who led a nervous life without ever confessing his love to that young woman.

If I did, I would not have to regret not having confessed to her. My lady will know a little bit of my affectionate feelings towards her, to say the least.

Yes, that’s enough for me. Even if she doesn’t accept my proposal, if I can let her know how much I love her, I will be satisfied with that.

“I like you, Tia,” I confessed to her at last.

No, I love you. I’m craving for you. I long for you and miss you. I want you to smile at me and look at me only. I pray everyday that you feel the same way as I do. When I see you, I am happy, joyful, heartbroken, and I am crying. How can I express my feelings with just one word ‘like’ ?

But let me use that expression for you now,Tia. I’m afraid you’ll be scared when you find out about my turbulent feelings.

Please forgive my selfishness, my lady. Although I knew how you would react, I confided in you to ease my nervousness a bit. Even though I said I didn’t want to burden you, I gave you a burden as I couldn’t stand it. Please forgive me.

“…Allen. ”

I realized that she would reject my proposal when she, who had been fidgeting with the bouquet for a while, raised her face.

I knew she would not let me into her heart. The reason I confessed to her, however, was because I wanted to hang on to the small possibility out of my selfishness that she could appreciate how much I loved her.

Although I knew her reply, I felt heartbroken when I saw her breaking into tears, saying she was sorry. Just like her tears fell in big drops, I was also crying in my heart.

Only

Tia, I just wanted to be with you. I wanted you to love me. I thought that if you only accepted me, I could throw away all my status, noble title and desire for the top position. But it was just my dream, which could never come true. If you were the old you stuck in the dark, maybe I could have you stay with me, but as someone shining brightly now, you don’t match me now.

‘After all, I am your shadow, a poor shadow that chases you shining like the moon. I cannot be a shining star thanks to the moonlight.’

I felt upset when I saw blood on her bitten lip. I was hurt when she refused my proposal, but I was more heartbroken when I saw the blood. Sorry, Tia. Sorry, sorry. I already knew your answer. Forgive me for hurting you because of my selfishness. Although I prayed you could be a brilliant light, I wanted to hold you because I couldn’t forsake you. Please forgive me.

Don’t cry, Tia. Smile, my lady.

I don’t want to leave you, with the image of your crying in my last memory. I wanted you to be stuck in the darkness with me, but your shining look suits you more. Smiling looks more on you than crying. So, don’t be sad, Tia. Please, it’s all my fault.

“Tia… ”

I thought I gave her up, but when I saw her walking along with me with a blank look, my mind was wandering again.

‘Can’t you stay with me, Tia? I will love you more than anyone else. I will devote my whole to you, looking at you only all my life, please. ‘