The Abandoned Empress

“What was so shocking to you? You always said that you would be the successor of the family. Were you worried that you might not get out of the imperial family? If not… is it because of what happened yesterday?”

“Pardon? What you mean by is…”

“Well, I mean what Duke Jena said about your mother.”

‘Huh? Why is he suddenly mentioning my mother?’

While I was puzzling, I flinched because something suddenly flashed through my mind.

‘Ah, yeah, I remember that.’

Although I was so shocked by the matter of Jiun, it was a very serious issue to me.

“… ”

He spoke, staring silently at me, “You should stay firm all the more in a situation like this. Steel yourself for it.”

‘Is this a matter that I can solve even if I steel myself for it?’

When he brought up the matter of my mother, I suddenly wanted to ask him something.

‘Why doesn’t he blame me?’

Any aristocrat values their pedigree. So, even though he doesn’t express his feelings about it openly, any nobleman would point his finger at me if he discovered my mother’s family background.

As a royal family member, the crown prince is no exception. But he hasn’t blamed me for it.

Even if Duke Jenna’s argument was partially true, the crown prince could despise me with legitimate reason, but he didn’t.

‘But why?’

“Your mother was a wonderful woman.”

“… ”

As I didn’t know why he said that, I was just looking at him blankly.

He continued, as if he understood my puzzlement.

“This is a secret between you and me. Your mother scolded me as a child.”

“… Really?”

Why is he suddenly talking about my mother? I was confused.

Nodding at my question, he continued, “Yes. Before you were born, I visited your house with my father. I didn’t want to hear the boring conversation of the seniors, so I wandered through the spacious mansion and found something. It was made of ruby, and it looked like a small marble I could hold in one hand. It was very beautiful because of its elaborately embroidered patterns with a blue tassel string.”

‘Was there anything like that in my house back then?’

I traced my memory, but no matter how much I thought, I didn’t seem to have seen it.

What was it then?

I momentarily forgot my complicated thoughts and listened to him. At first glance, it seemed to be quite precious, but I wondered if there was a precious thing like that in my house that I didn’t know. .

“I wanted to have it so much because I was a child, so I took it and came out of the place and I was caught by your mother. I was given a good scolding.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“Well, at first, I thought it was very rude for her to scold me because I was the crown prince. But only after I came back to the palace did I realize after hard thinking that your mother scolded me with so much affection. I’ve seen nobody admonishing me gently before. But your mother was an exception.”

As if he was reminiscing about her, he said, putting down the teacup, “Since then, I’ve often thought about your mother. But as I was scolded once, I felt hesitant to go and see her. Fortunately, your mother came to the palace, holding a newborn baby in her arms. Then I wept openly, held in her arms, for the first time since I was born.”

“… Oh I see.”

“As I was embarrassed, your mother pinky swore, saying this was a secret between her and me. Your mother was such a bright and warm woman. She was also strong enough to scold the crown prince of the empire.”

He paused for a moment after he was done talking. I, too, fidgeted with a silver spoon silently. Looking at the empty glass, he got up and reached out to me.

“I think I have held you too long for my greed. Let’s go. I will escort you to your carriage. ”

“…Thank you, Your Majesty. ”

I felt somewhat strange about this young man who was kind enough to tell me a rare episode about my mother, but I just walked up to the wagon with him silently.

When I was about to climb the wagon, telling the horseman that I was sorry for having kept him so long, I felt him tightening his grip on my hand..

“What they call the so-called blood…”

“Pardon?”

“I don’t think blood is so important. I don’t believe the family pedigree is that important. Never.”

“…Your Majesty.”

“So, I hope you can think so, too.”

The door closed, and I felt the wheels rolling smoothly in no time.

Left alone in the carriage, I slowly closed my mouth. His desperate expression and his words deeply touched my heart. I was choked up with tears. I felt my eyes getting wet.

Did he tell me about his memories of my mother because he wanted to convey that message to me?

He was clumsy in confiding in me, but he was serious, which touched me deeply.

Although I was worried by the appearance of Jiun and the possible repetition of my fate, along with the pressure of my restlessness on my mind, I was deeply moved by his warm consideration, who comforted me by telling me the fact about my mother after discovering that I was deeply concerned about my mother’s mysterious birth.

My eyes suddenly welled up with tears.

Even before I wiped them, hot tears fell on the hem of my black dress. I was surprised by the fact that as the foremost royal family member who had to value the importance of family blood, he didn’t blame me, and that he went to the trouble of telling me an episode about my mother.

I was grateful to his thoughtful consideration of me, but I was scared at the same time.

I was so sad because I could not repay his sincere and warm consideration that I had been longing for so much. I was still too weak-minded to overcome fear of him and come nearer to him.

Can I love him again if I tried even now? Can I get out of the fear that I might be abandoned someday?

No. Perhaps I will never be able to trust anyone completely because it won’t be easy for me to forget my past of when I was so miserably abandoned by the one that I devoted myself to and loved so much.

Even if I realized that he was different from the old him before my return, I couldn’t be confident enough to live with him without recalling my harrowing experiences in the past as long as I was with this man with the same face and the same voice.

No matter how much I didn’t want it, it was clear that the memories of my past would haunt me from time to time.

‘Think about it, Aristia. Do you think you can completely heal all those memories of the past? ‘

If one is wounded, it leaves a scar even if it is healed. Likewise, it was clear that I could move forward, burying my past memories, but it would be impossible to live as if nothing had happened in the past, so I could never live with him.

Only

I grabbed my chest as I felt so heartbroken, with hot tears flowing down my face.

Heavy rain poured down from the gray sky. The sound of rain pattering on the hard earth and the sound of the leaves hitting the raindrops were heard. I was captivated by the transparent water droplets falling on the glass windows. The sound of their friendly conversation was fading away gradually.

I was smitten with the peace of silence that seemed to exist alone in the world.

I lifted the mug placed on the table and sipped red tea. I enjoyed hibiscus’ unique sour taste in my mouth. While I was drinking hot tea and looking at the rain outside the window, I suddenly remembered what happened last fall.

One day when I attended the National Founding Day festival, I remembered looking out the window in the autumn rain and having tea with the crown prince at the palace.

‘Even though I didn’t talk with him at all, I felt like I was sharing something with him during the long silence.’

At that time, I did not know how he felt, but it was a peaceful moment for us.

What is he doing now?