This Eroge Won't Make Me Fall!

"What? So the head receptionist was supposed to be here too?"

"Yeah, I'll be meeting her again at the capital."

"I'll pray for the people who travel with her."

Sharky clasped his hands and looked up at the sky. His eyes closed, he started praying.

"You guys are irrationally afraid of her," I said, exasperated.

"Don't say that bastard," Sharky cut me off. "She's just irrationally nice to you is what."

"Zzz... zzz zzz."

Even our resident sleeper was nodding. As soon as it hit 10, he had changed into a full plate armor faster than either of us could blink.

"If Zachariah's saying so too..."

"So you trust the fucking lightbulb more than me? It's over, isn't it... My two friends have become each other's friends and have left me behind."

Sharky went into a spiel when the partition window of the coach was opened.

"We're at Cadun..." the Coachman said.

Sharky alternated his gaze between us.

"Get out," I told him. "Take the mister along, I can't bear you for another day."

"What a bitch?"

"Out."

Sharky scoffed and stepped out of the carriage at my demands. He seemed slightly sad as he stepped off and met with the coachman.

I gazed outside the window as he stepped into the rows of small houses and lines of fields in the village. A single main road with a church of the sun god separating it at the center. It was rather rare to see churches and temples in Schwarz, but the Sun God's religion was the official religion of the Empire that most people followed.

Sharky and the coachman were soon out of sight as they turned into one of the two streets around the church.

Now was my chance.

"Hey, Zachariah."

"Zzz..."

"Zachariah!"

"Zzz..."

He was deep in his slumber. Perfect.

I leaned in closer to his ears and whispered.

"What's your plan here? What do you and Sharky want from me?"

"Zzz--"

"I'll buy you as many Macarons as you want."

"Sharky wants a girlfriend."

I moved back a bit as Zachariah's eyes shot open. He grabbed my hands and started spilling everything in a single go at the very mention of macarons.

"He said we'll drive you halfway through to the capital, make you take ownership of the corpse, and join you as your porters when you go to the capital. Since it's a big festival, he wanted to use the chance to get to meet a beautiful noble lady and woo her."

This fucker.

He sold out his friend in a single breath!

"Why are you helping him?" I asked.

"He said there'll be good pastries at the capital of the Empire. Now, Macarons."

What a bastard, he wanted a reward for selling his friend out?

"Shut up, where will I get Macarons here? I meant when we go back."

"WHATTT!?!" Zachariah stood on his feet and exaggeratedly swung his arms around. He slumped down to the ground and heaved. "T-traitor... betrayal..."

"Look who's talking," Titania commented. We were of the same mind.

In the end, the heartbroken Zachariah went back to sleep, leaving me and the matter of the Macarons behind. This guy was way too easy.

Soon enough, Sharky returned with the coachman in tow. A group of a few old folks was behind him to see him off. He got on the carriage and smiled.

"They said the salamander is appearing in a cave upstream."

The coachman whipped the horses and the carriage set off. We entered the vicinity of the village. Short and strong houses were on both sides of the dirt road. The carriage passed by the church and took the path turning toward the right. The number of houses slowly started falling as fields of different crops filled the place.

The road narrowed down and the many paths branched off into the fields. Soon, we came around a sharp turn and a giant river revealed itself.

"This river flows down from the mountain and passes two more villages ahead," Sharky said.

I rested my arm on the carriage window and leaned out. The soft breeze made my ponytail flutter. "Cadun is the closest to the mountain?"

"Yeah. They noticed that the flow of the river lessened suddenly."

It was a giant river in the distance stretching at least a few dozen meters wide. The river water that should be moving down at a rapid pace was currently reminiscent of a calm lake with how slow it flowed.

The carriage went past the rows of fields and neared the mountain that was the origin of the lake. It was not a steep incline, so the coachman drove us further up. He had confidence in his safety since the other two had already told him that a Platinum-Ranked was going to keep an eye on the carriage.

"They went up to investigate?" I asked.

"All three villages. The reward was put up with their funds combined. The Terrifying Teal Tablet is a great thing..."

Terrifying Teal Tablet was the name of the teal device that the receptionists had, resembling a tablet computer from Earth. It was a communication device that used the power of Alfheim to connect faraway places. From registering to distributing quests, the great connectivity over the many branches of the guild was a major hand behind its success.

"The name is still a bit..."

"It's different in our language, you know?" Titania spoke up when she heard my mutterings.

"Is it?"

"Yeah! It's pronounced @#$@*! @*#&$(@!~"

"What?"

"@#$@*! @*#&$(@!~"

I blinked twice while looking at Titania.

"It doesn't matter," she flicked her palm. "I remember that eleven thousand years ago when the humans first made contact with Alfheim, they used to worship the teal tablet by calling it that name. They connected with Alfheim through coincidence and many things changed, but the name stuck."

It was then that the carriage came to a stop.

"Adventurers, the cave is right up."

I opened the door of the carriage and hopped off. The mountain was faced with a steep incline upward right at the wide entrance of the cave where the river fell out from.

Sharky came out of the carriage, dragging along the sleeping Zachariah as he stared at the cave.

"Run out if you can't handle it," I said. "If I go in it'll die in a single shot."

"Alright, alright, damn show off." Sharky and Zachariah stretched a bit and then dived inside the cave.

The hunt for the S-Ranked monster, the Earth Salamander, began.