This Eroge Won't Make Me Fall!



Past the frolic-y fields of trees and grass, beyond an incline that was just high enough to make you sweat but not high enough to leave you heaving, was a cave going deep into the ground.

Farther in the east from the Asahi Estate and the subsequent residences, just half a day's walk away was the mountain that housed the dungeon. Steeped like a cave, the dungeon went deep underground, its labyrinthine stretches like the insides of anthill.

"Guess we're stuck here."

"I wanted to take a look at other things before this, but it should be fine," I muttered.

"What other things? That Authority of yours?"

Of course, I had already told these guys about it all. Having the spirits keep my appearance changed all the time took a toll on me too, after all. It wasn't anything serious for something so small, but I could do without it.

So, my horns were now out in the world.

"Can I touch your horns?"

Meryl Fonias asked.

I get it. I truly do. Every time I see a catfolk I feel the same.

"Go ahead," I nodded. "But I am not bending."

Meryl got on her toes and oohed as she poked my horns.

"Anyway, Goemon's tomb. Before we dive in," My arms crossed, I eyed the rest of the members with my expedition. I was here as an adventurer and not a student. Even though we all had a completely different goals, a little fun here and there was not bad.

"Noa, how deep is the dungeon?"

"I don't know. Like, seventeen feet?"

"No, you dum-dum! It's twenty-three floors! It's all about floors with dungeons!"

Noa shrugged.

I sighed.

"Luka, what kind of monsters are inside?"

"Tombstones?"

"Hey Miss Teacher, you're seeing this, right? This is on you, right?"

"I blame the questioner, really," said Irina. "Zodiac brats, what are we doing?"

"Dungeon hunting."

I blinked.

Irina shrugged.

"Ask the correct questions and even their moms would answer."

"I am not even going to try with you guys, I swear. Also, low blow, miss teacher, real low."

"Oh. Oh, I apologize, kids."

"It's alright."

"Don't mind it, we get it."

What good-natured kids my henchmen were. I almost wanted to pat their heads.

"Alright, enough goofing about. Let's dive in."

Titania climbed on my head, Albert and Luka summoned Aine and Selphie, and the entire group got ready to move in.

***

In another part of the East, in the neighboring lands of the Asahi estate, a collective of lords and their lands had come together in a small alliance.

The land was tumultuous, just getting enough food for a day was a tall order, and war was something even worse.

Even though just a few of them were nowhere enough alone, together they could amount to something. A bigger nation would at least have to think a second time before waging war. Even if a famine hit, they could still share their resources with each other and pass through.

Fish could be taken from the lakes of one, grains from the fields of another.

It was a relationship not of mutual benefit but of mutual survival. It wasn't a matter of you scratch my back and I scratch yours, but one of the only ways to scratch backs was through each other.

Desperation pitted them together with each other.

And the same desperation would also cling them all on one more.

For that reason…

A scream resounded as a courtesan slid the doors of the deepest room in the collective's meeting place open.

"L-lords!"

"What is the meaning of this?!" A bald man asked, slamming down his choko filled with sake.

The courtesan wasn't allowed to answer as rapid sounds of footsteps rang all around. The silhouettes of a hundred soldiers outside the shoji filled their sight.

"W-wh-what…"

The seven warlords of the coalition could only mumble as the Courtesan was pushed aside. With a scraggly beard reaching down, a man with his hair tied in a pony and eyes curved into a sharp line entered the room.

"Lord Asahi!?"

"What are you doing?! Is this war against the coalition—"

In the blink of an eye.

The lord waved his hand.

And the entire top of the building was gone. The gabled roof was destroyed before anyone could blink. Blown into smithereens.

"Y-you…"

The leaders got their concentration back and heaved a sigh.

"You think you can intimidate us with this!?"

Asahi tilted his head.

Then hummed.

"AAAH!" He spoke out loud. His eyes turned to the side and the door swung open. There, the wimpiest soldier had his hands stretched outward while his feet quaked.

"He did that."

"HAH!" One of the seven warlords scoffed. "Do you think we'll believe that?!"

The wimp was slapped on the back by another.

This time, a similar explosion occurred in the skies as the wimp fell on his back. The skies turned ashen from the flames that lit up all over the blues. In the blink of an eye, a sonic boom came rushing down, some walls broke and the inside of the room was completely thrashed.

Lord Asahi crossed his arms and thought back on the advice he had received from his lord.

The great, one and only, one in a million, super amazing and cool and helpful and kind and badass lord Eugene Hall.

He had told him.

'Listen, Lord Asahi,' he had said! 'When you need to make someone bend to your will, you cross your hands, raise your chin, and look at them with a downward gaze. Then, once you have made it clear that their life is under your feet and you can crush them like ants, just give them a bright, bright smile and with as much love as you can, say.'

"You either die here or come under me."

All the seven warlords shut their mouths.

The words of his lord didn't end there.

He had said if they hesitate even for a second, just tell them your plans.

"Decide quick. I have the entire Eastern half of the continent to take over."

They looked at him. Then at the wimp outside. Then at him again.

"T-take us under Lord Asahi!"

"Shogun! Shogun Asahi!"

"We will give you our lives. Loyalty absolute!"

Lord Asahi smiled. This was just the first one, but he had taken care of the most troublesome alliance with the strongest display.

***

Far from the Goemon tombs, on yet another dilapidated hill where people thought thrice before walking up and thought thrice more before deciding to go back down, a spooky arch stood lofty.

"Man, this is gonna be easy as pie."

"Zzz…."

"You cunts. If you make it even slightly inconvenient for my young master I'll end you—"

"There there, Miss Lily, relax a little."

Lily hugged Sophia and rubbed her head on her chest.

"My Young Masterium is running out."

Two more people started crying as well.

"Mine too. Sir Eugene!"

"My lord! I need vitamin E!"

The two, Mohawk and Ikuro, tried to go and hug Sophia as well but were kicked in the stomach before they could reach her.

With no one else to go to, they hugged each other.

"I get it… snifff… I met… I met my dear Rizzler after so long… and he abandoned me with you sweaty commoners… sniff…"

Another one with drill curls, Marissa, started crying too.

Rio sighed at the sight.

"You know what, maybe this won't be easy as pie after all."

It wasn't going to be.

***

Northeast from the land of Asahi, a length far enough to make horses tire yet not far enough to need a change on a single ride, another city was created near a dungeon.

Unlike the Goemon Tomb, the dungeon here was much wider and more accessible. And was the nature of humans with natural resources that could easily be capitalized, a city had been erected all around it.

One of the East's few dungeon cities despite its wide range of dungeons.

It was here, inside a cafe, that two people were discussing a matter of life and death.

"I don't get why ew ew put us to this…"

"But man… we're definitely going to see some ass today."

The two people sipping on coffee while hiding their faces were brothers in arms that had met just a while back.

Jin Mandom, and Min Mandom. Believe it or not, they were not related by any means whatsoever.

Just their names were enough to tell they were going to be tied through fate.

And now, they were even put on the academy's educational trip with two hot princesses and a cutie!

"I really like Princess Anatolia, though. Her eyepatch makes her sexy."

"I like Princess Hoya more. She has that dominant air, you see. Dommy mommy ftw. And them tee tees my brother."

The two nodded and took another sip, looking away from the three girls who were talking with the receptionist and the manager of the adventurer guild with more platinum ranked adventurers called Iffy and Philip. Big shots were like that.

"As for Adelia…"

"She's cute."

"Cute."

"Yup. Yup. Yup."

They took another sip.

"I can't wait to go in and see them jump around."

"Jiggle physics is a legit field I say. As important as mechanics and sciences."

"My man…"

The two of them didn't hear the words of a certain maid who had taken strands of their hair.

"What will you be doing on my young master's mission? Hahaha… ahahahah…."

They didn't hear…