This Eroge Won't Make Me Fall!



The night moon was high in the sky when the people of the Asahi faction had gathered. The lookouts from both sides were on high alert and were staring at the situation across the river.

—Tweet!

—Chu chu!

"Shush! Birds don't earrape you bitch!"

Angrily whispering was a man donning a long shawl and a cloak as he guided his people through the trees. Shipments of catapults from the areas conquered by the Asahi faction were slowly making their ways over to the river bank.

The bird screeching lookouts were on the duty to ensure the smooth transportation of the catapults in the night.

"Just fucking use some sound cancelling magic if you're that annoyed," The lookout on top of the tree whispered down at the man. They were supposed to guide the catapults carefully through the night and make sure they moved at the perfect times to avoid the eyes of the lookouts.

Their people on the river banks were keeping the other side busy with constant movement and blockages that would blind them from the rustling in the trees.

The catapults came forward, hidden in covers made from leaves and twigs. After a long time of transporting it secretly, behind the tents, the almost fifty catapults all lined up.

In front of them were the soldiers of the Lord of Asahi, all of them with tears in their eyes and fear in their boots.

After all.

Glaring at them was a demon.

***

The people on the other side of the river were a coalition of about nine independent lands. Half of them on the Dark Moon's hit list and the other half their sympathizers.

In the dead of night, the commanders' tent was lit up by the light of lamps as they gathered around a table.

"If this goes on we'll be able to attack them ourselves."

"Haha, don't you think?" The man in a purple robe said. "That stupid lord of Asahi probably got too scared to get here."

"Fucking pussy. I heard his wife is pretty good. Should we take her in?"

A roar of laughter spread.

Then, all of them placed their hands on the table and shook their heads.

"We can try but this is pretty fucked huh."

"The humor doesn't help. We have to be careful or we'll be losing all our lands."

"Why is that damned bastard trying to unite everyone in the first place? Does he not care about the ones dying?"

The nine leaders and their thirteen henchmen were all equally perplexed with the current state of events. Just what had they done to deserve this?

"Is unification through war even righteous? It should be diplomacy, diplomacy!"

The ones with a more sound mind presented suggestions like conversation, but it was impossible for the more megalomaniacal leaders to agree wholeheartedly.

Before anything, what mattered the most to them was to secure their power.

Conversation… was just going to get in their way.

This coalition was a saving grace from the rivers and mountains. They could not do anything other than attack now that they had such a group going.

Alone, it would be impossible to win. Not against a similar coalition of so many countries.

Even after drafting so many citizens, the most they could do was outnumber the Asahi faction by a small margin.

The five involved in similar positions looked at each other.

They couldn't let this coalition decide to talk things out with the Asahi.

It was obvious in the first place that a complete unification was impossible. Especially with the pace he was moving forward at.

The Asahi would probably make a relationship of power where he would be the one at the ruling, but only through the support of all the cronies on his side. He would have no choice but to keep a bunch of them happy.

And for that matterr.

He would gladly engage in as many conversations as they present.

They were sure. The best outcome right was for the Asahi and the other four on their own end to beat each other up and for them to become the strongest and most secure power in the East.

War, was the only way it was going to happen. There was no other option.

And so, one of them stroked his bushy beard and spoke up.

"I've heard, that there have been barely any deaths. And the citizens are all on the Asahi's side as well."

The other lords nodded in agreement that had heard of this.

Praising the Asahi at first might seem counter-productive, but humans feared nothing more than a snake.

Even if a lion could come and bite them, they would walk in a jungle. But these stupid humans could never spend the night without being worried about a snake.

"That's a lie."

It wasn't just humans, even the beastfolk agreed.

Brushing back his silver hair, the wolf-man growled at the group.

"I have heard from my brothers. Those fuckers are only keeping up pretenses, and behind their back, they steal and kill. Many have their families stolen and riches torn away."

"What?! Where did you hear of this?"

The wolf-man reached into his pockets and pulled out a scroll with pre-written information. Fake, information, on the state of the Asahi's.

This was all preplanned.

The other lords nodded as he placed the scroll in the front. Written and sealed with the blood of one of his own, he had faked these letters with great care.

"Unbelievable!"

"What a horrible thing."

"I don't know about you," The wolf man growled once more, his teeth flashing in front of the people.

"But I am going to take revenge for my fallen brother. Whether it is the Asahi or whoever."

"I've heard," Another spoke. "He's playing both sides and is giving people to both demon worshippers and the church of the gods."

"Horrific!"

"This person, was he a snake all along?"

"The people are being tricked!"

The lords all nodded slightly. Things were moving their way.

At last, the young man with white hair and thin eyes sighed into his hands. His white robe fell to the ground, on its back was the symbol of a blazing mountain.

This was the current de-facto leader of this group and the master of the people that were gathered here. With the largest territory and the largest number of soldiers, this person was one of the biggest authority in this situation.

But on the same line, he was also the one with the greatest responsibility and burden when it came to the war.

"I thought we could protect our people by fighting, but that doesn't seem to be the case."

The lord with bushed beard spoke now. It was the time to coax them all their way.

"Relax, all of you," he said, his words wise and his eyes emitting benevolence. "For now, we must maintain the way things are going. As long as the river is between us, we will have chances to make more allies and get more resources our way."

Then, he presented the better news.

"I have already sent a few of my emissaries further up to inform more people of our alliance and get them on our side. Do not worry, we can definitely hold on long enough to defeat the Asahi."

"But what if the demons or church he's working for helps him?" One of them spoke.

"Hoh! Do you think anything can stand between the truth? We are fighting for our people, we would do it till we die."

"That's right," one of them continued. "They are just human in the end. We all are. The only thing that could shake our resolve would be if they drop from the sky and kill us."

"Hahaha!" The white robed man laughed. "You do say some wise words, lord. Fall from the sky, huh?"

"AAAAAAH!"

Right then, a distant, very distant scream resounded.

From the skies.

All of them turned their gaze up.

A chuckle escaped a few.

"You don't think…"

"Hahaha, no way."

"AAAAAAAAAAH!!!! FUCK YOU EUGENE HALLLL!!"

—BOOOOOM!

An explosion fell straight atop the tent and sent the people blasted and flying. The person falling from the sky bounced off right before hitting the ground from the sheer force and fell on his back. Covered all over by armor that Eugene Hall had handed from his many dungeon raids, he escaped almost scratch free from the grand explosion and fall.

He rolled slightly in pain, groaning about the fear that he had faced.

A bunch of them also descended safely from the parachutes that he had had them build out of clothes, but a few of theirs failed and they fell face first, shielded only by the tents they were falling on.

The man that had fallen atop the leaders slowly stood up.

The leaders emerged from the rubble, coughing and screaming, a lot of them with missing limbs.

"Wh-what is happening!?"

"Oh, they're alive? Lord Eugene will kill me!"

With a single snap of his finger, a similar explosion that would require army mages hours to chant and gather occurred.

And the lords of the alliance all fell.

"Fuck you Eugene Hall," the last a bunch of them had heard.