Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Eguchi Ren: Managed to upload just in time…

“Wait, what did Fenrir-sama just say? All… all… how many again?” Bram-san was staring at me with glimmering eyes.

[1] Ah.

[1] Goodness.

[1] What should I do…

“I- I thought I heard… four?”

“I think I heard four too…”

“Four two?!”

“Four or two?!”

[1] Are they making jokes at my expense now? Let me tell you now, I don’t appreciate it.

Everyone was staring at me with piercing eyes. I could practically feel their gazes stabbing into me. Bram, the elders, Moira-sama and even Elland-san were staring at me with large, shocked eyes.

I was in the middle of contemplating whether to yell for Grandpa Gon to come rescue me when Elland-san suddenly revived and jumped forward with bloodshot eyes began to shake me by the shoulders.

“M-mukouda-san!! Y-you have other magic swords!? Magic swords other than the Magic Sword of Caladbolg!?”

[1] “C-can you please not place your face so close to mine…?” I pushed against Elland-san’s chest the best I could. However, no matter how much I had levelled up, my party is S Rank due to… other factors, not personal strength!

Instead of leaving me, Elland-san was snorting and sniggering ‘mufu mufu’ with his hands still stuck to my shoulders and being too close… Get away from me, you weirdo!!

“Calm down, Elland. Let Mukouda go first,” Bram-san said as he patted Elland-san lightly on the back.

“Hey! What’s with that lukewarm way of coaxing him? Can’t you just pull him away?” I cried.

“Speaking of which, Mukouda. Do you really possess f-four magic swords?” the smile on Bram-san’s face was very stable. Aside from that little stutter, his voice was perfectly calm. However, I could tell his smile was not sincere. Also, he did not make any real effort to pull Elland-san away from me!!

“This…” I glanced at the panting Elland-san, then at the creepily smiling Bram-san. “Kuuhhh…”

Traitors, the lot of you!!

“Mukouda, I need you to be honest-”

“Fine, yes, I have four magic swords,” I snapped.

Noise exploded around me. Actually, the world was shaking around me because Elland-san was literally shaking me again…

Fortunately, the chaos did not last long. Bram-san pierced through the noise to say, “Well, show them to us.”

Finally, Elland-san released me.

I made sure to take a few steps away from the crazy Elf towards Moira-sama. Please protect me, ma’am.

“First, the Magic Sword Caladbolg…”

Elland-san immediately seized the sword, shrieking, “The adamantine Magic Sword obtained after defeating Doran’s Dungeon Boss, a Behemoth!”

I have no real idea what adamantine is, but that sword was damned heavy. Was it the same thing as the liquid metal injected into the bones of that comic book character, Wolve-

“And, the other swords?”

Ergh, so impatient.

“…fine, here are the Magic Sword Frunting, Magic Sword Gram and Magic Sword Eckesachs.”

Bram-san and the elders all lost their calm and noble-like veneer as they eagerly put their hands out for the magic swords. It was kind of funny to see a bunch of important people swinging swords around with a big smile on their faces going ‘Wow, I have a magic sword!’ like a bunch of unruly kids.

I supposed they could be considered a little cute…

“Ahem, are you done inspecting the swords?” I said, helping these bunch of important people pretend that their dignity was still intact.

The important people in front of me suddenly froze. They quickly shuffled back to their places, still reluctant to release the magic swords, but at least no one was swinging swords around now.

“Ahem, Elland, you said that you need a magic sword for the job, yes? Well?”

“Indeed, indeed! There’s no problem dismantling the Leviathan now. Especially with this magic sword borrowed from my very good and wonderful friend Mukouda-san! Now, first, let us drain the blood.”

Then, he rushed forward with the sword towards the head of the Leviathan. Specifically, the area where Grandpa Gon had taken a few bits out of. Some proactive people had placed large flat tubs around the cut to catch the blue blood flowing sluggishly out of the bitten area.

“Hmm, normally, I would make a small cut at the base of the neck to reach one of the smaller veins, but the injury made by Grandpa Gon makes it a little difficult to see the actual veins now. Is it here… Hah!”

Elland-san made a stab with the Magic Sword Caladbolg.

It was unclear whether Elland-san had underestimated the cutting power of the sword or that he had misjudged which vein to cut but with a sudden guussshhhhhh— blue blood fountained out of the area where the sword had sunk halfway into the wound.

Naturally, Elland-san was sprayed with blood. Bram-san, the elders and other important people from the guild including Moira-sama were covered in blood. I was also splashed with the blue blood.

“Humph, fools,”

It was Fer.

A Fer who still looked perfectly pristine while the rest of us were covered in blue blood. Then, I noticed that there was a dome around him that was blocking the blood from reaching him.

“… …”

“Ugh, it stinks…”

No matter how ‘fresh’ the blood, or how valuable, it still stinks. [2] I had already handed over my clothes and rubbed my face with a towel that was also quickly taken away so that the workers could wring as much of the valuable blood as possible into a bucket.

After having wiped off as much as I could, [3] I had Sui prepare water for me to at least rinse my face off before glaring at Fer, “How could you just put up a barrier on yourself? What about me? You know, your master!!?”

“Phun, it’s my natural defence mechanism. So, of course, it activates to protect me.”

“Grrr, and you can’t extend the protection to your master?”

““Aruji~ okay~?”” Sui asked as [3] she continued to provide water for me to rinse off.

“Ugh, I’ve washed my face and hands, but my clothes… I’ll have to go back and change.”

Sui had been protected from the Leviathan blood fountain because she had been snoozing on Fer’s head, but it didn’t really matter one way or the other since she could just absorb the blood away.

“What are you saying?! The work hasn’t even started yet and you want to leave?!”

“Whose fault is it that I’m like this now?” I snapped back, indicating my sticky neck and squelching clothes.

“Just bear with it, we must remain here to protect our meal,”

[4]

Gunununu.

“Are you stupid? Do you think Grandpa Gon is for decoration?!” Does this ball of fur think I’m an idiot?!

“I-it’s fine. Sui, wash off our Master.”

“Wha- blrrrbbb–!!”

Water sprayed on me from over my head. Ugghh, now I’m cold, wet and sticky…

At least I’m less stinky now…

Once the Sui shower was over, I sighed, “Thank you, Sui,”

“”Sui did good~?””

“Yes, Sui did a good job,” I said. “Too bad I’m still wet, though. I should just go home-”

“Humph, looks like I have no choice,”

A sudden gust of hot breeze later, my clothes and hair were completely dry. It was kind of surreal.

Tch, if he expects me to thank him, don’t bother. My clothes and hair still faintly reeked of Leviathan blood. I shall embrace my grudge so long as the smell lingers around me.

While I busied myself washing and drying off, it was chaos near the area where Elland-san had made the cut. Several of the magic tools (glorified straws) were put into use and there were several buckets and barrels filled with blood that had been sealed and set aside in a designated place.

I guess, with how precious the blood was, if they didn’t react quickly, it would be like throwing gold coins down the drain. Speaking of which, the still blue Moira-sama as well as the still blue Bram-san were shouting instructions at various very blue staff members and Adventurers. I suddenly felt bad about scuttling off to wash myself.

When the chaos finally died down a little, the blue-covered Bram-san, Moira-sama, the elders and high-ranking Adventurers all surrounded a blue-covered Elland-san.

“Elland…”

“Yes, I understand my mistake and humbly beg for your forgiveness.”

Elland-san was made to sit on his heels, seiza-style as he apologised to everyone.

“There’s no point apologising to us. Sure, we were covered in blood, but as Adventurers, all of us had been covered by much nastier things during the course of our careers. However, this Leviathan blood… is more precious than gold and is definitely more valuable than your measly life! Look over there! We’re not the only ones who think so!”

I looked in the direction Bram-san was pointing and found a group of people yelling and gesturing angrily at Elland.

“What were you doing-”

“Damn waste!”

“Die!”

Woah, they’re kind of intense.

“Those are the members of the Royal Capital pharmaceutical people. To them, ingredients are more important than human life, to think that you would allow them to witness you wasting gallons of valuable blood just like that…”

Yikes, these people looked more like fanatics than pharmacists. Wait, do they have anything to do with the God of Pharmacology? Is that why they looked more like cultists…

“How much of that precious blood had been spilt!”

“We should cut you up for potion ingredients-”

“… …” nah, I totally did not hear that last bit.

“Please accept my humblest apology!!”

Elland-san had neatly shifted to face the pharmacists and bowed down hard on the ground. He was practically grinding his forehead into the icky Leviathan blood-covered ground…

“Oi! Don’t you think you’re apologising to the wrong people? Just whose Leviathan do you think this is?”

[5] I was standing a couple of dozen feet away from the splash zone, which meant I was quite far from where Elland-san was crouching and apologizing to the Pharmacists. However, for some reason, in the space of a second, Elland-san was suddenly in front of me and was crying rivers of tears through a blue blood-stained face at me and shouting, “Mukouda-saaaannnn~~ I’m so soowwwyyy~~~”

“Eh, wait, no, don’t come near me!!” I shrieked as the [5] blood-stained Elland-san grabbed me by the leg.

“I’m so, so, sowwy for wasting the Leviathan blooooddd—-!!”

Ugh, this is so disgusting…

[6]

[Gumihou: Just deleted close to 100 words of the ending. Trust me, you won’t miss it. It contributes nothing to the story anyway.]

[1] Instead of an @$%$@#% Mukouda, have his spirit float away from his consciousness due to the absurdity of the situation.

[2] Since the blood is so valuable, have them collect it in any way possible.

[3] Seems counterintuitive for a world with ‘water magic’ to not conjure up water to clean themselves up at least.

[4] Reject logical falsity argument. ‘we must remain here to protect…’ dude, like, what about Grandpa Gon?

[5] Mukouda was shrieking here. So, gave him something to shriek about

[6] Deleted ‘meat~ meat~’ and ‘we just want the meat’ remarks from Mukouda’s party because there’s ‘recurring joke’, and then there’s ‘oh my gawd enough already!!’