A Wish to Grab Happiness

Volume 8, Chapter 197: Everything in Your Hands

On the eve of the ceremony from the Heraldic Order and Ghazalia, the darkness of the night consumed Garoua Maria, and the gentle silence covered the world. However, that did not mean that everyone got immersed in the comfort of that silence.

When I glanced down at the ground from the top of the wall of Garoua Maria, soldiers and carpenters were running around. Perhaps, they were being forced to do a rush job in preparation for tomorrow’s ceremony. Largud Ann’s job was to make sure that everything got in place for the venue. I believed those preparations would finish by tomorrow morning.

I was looking down from the top of the wall from the fort, while putting some chewing tobacco in my lips. The people running around were certainly very busy. On the other hand, I wasn’t doing anything at all. I was just emptying my head while devouring the passing time.

I couldn’t see the moon today. Therefore, the visibility was strangely dark.

「Hey, that’s a good pose. Are you contemplating the birds? Well, you can do whatever you want, but don’t jump off from there. 」

The strings of silver hair swam through the darkness of the night.

Caria was sitting on the wall bench while looking down at me. Her facial expression changed when she lightly loosened her cheeks and smiled.

She was in good shape, though perhaps, not as good as usual. Then, before I was lost in my thoughts, Caria’s fist hit my forehead lightly.

「If you’re not doing anything, I think it’s better for you to fall asleep. I doubt there’ll be peace during tomorrow’s ceremony. 」

Caria sat beside me and whispered in my ear with her soft-looking lips. I was no longer in a position to be left alone.

This woman was the one who touched on what people really wanted to forget.

In fact, I heard from Matia about tomorrow’s ceremony to some extent and what would be done there. I recalled Matia looking straight into my eyes and saying that it was something inevitable.

As Caria said, I was sure that I wouldn’t find any peace tomorrow. Maybe I wouldn’t even have time to breathe. With that in mind, it was definitely better to fall asleep.

However, in reality, I still had some smoldering feelings in my heart. It felt like a mysterious frustration that remained in the depths of my stomach. It gave me a strange pain every time I took a step on the floor. That’s why I wanted to be distracted by the night breeze in a place like this.

Caria stared at me, shaking her lips lightly, and muttering about what brought me anxiety.

Caria rounded her silver eyes as she thought for a moment.

「You see, Lugis. To be honest, I don’t really understand the anxiety you have now. I would understand if my heart swayed in anticipation but not in painful anxiety.」

I saw Caria’s lips rippling, as she leaned lightly on my shoulders. Strangely, her weight on my body did not feel heavy.

Caria slowly leaked her voice, occasionally closing her lips as if she were carefully choosing her words one by one.

「I grew up being taught that glory is happiness. Glory is the testimony of those who have power. There should be no anxiety over it. That’s what I think. 」

Caria said again that she couldn’t understand what I felt at the moment.

I see, after all, Caria was a strong woman. She was a very, very strong woman.

It would be impossible for her to get hurt by the brilliance of glory, and she would never feel guilty when receiving cheers. Caria was a good woman who held people’s expectations on her little back and moved forward without breaking her knees.

It was hard for her to understand my dwarf feelings. How pathetic of me. I had such a pitiful story. I felt swayed by the emotions that were trivial to Caria.

Caria sharpened her lips and shook her silver eyes as she gazed at me.

I thought that Caria would scorn me the next time I worried about something stupid. After all, she was the woman named Caria, and those words suited her well.

However, the wind blew differently today.

「I really don’t understand your anxiety…It’s truly regrettable. 」

Regrettable. What on earth was she saying?

Several thoughts ran around in my head, but I couldn’t seem to understand them. Even if I tried to search for its meaning from an end to an end of my brain, the result would still be the same.

I had never expected to hear such words from Caria’s mouth, so I distorted my lips several times to look for the right words to profess.

「…What? All it takes is a little courage to soak your tongue in ale for the first time. It’s the same feeling. It’s about touching things that we’ve never had before. So it’s natural that the inner part of my heart trembles. That’s all.」

Yes, while forcibly lining up the words, I spoke out to Caria, who stood beside me. I noticed that Caria was lightly shaking her silver hair while listening to me.

Yes, one of the things I once wanted from the depths of my heart, but still did not get, was right in front of me now. No wonder that people like me would fall into anxiety.

Did things go this well? Was this ceremony really the real deal? My ridiculous delusions and doubts kept coming to my mind. Really, I didn’t even feel like laughing at my foolish nature.

I sighed gently while pouring the scent of the chewing tobacco into my nostrils. Caria also sighed as if she were to match me. When she lightly moved up her shoulders, her silver eyes captured my whole body.

「You’re still the same. You’re no different from that time, you’re still a fool. 」

Caria’s throat rang as she said those words.

Caria was probably talking about when she was forced to come out of the Burdnick mansion.

It seemed that she did not change at all. She continued to be a terrible and selfish woman who only knew how to blame other people and call them names. She didn’t quite understand other people other than herself.

「No wonder. If I have a foolish master, the hardships are endless. If you’re going to loathe yourself, at least say some words of praise for my hard work. 」

I distorted my expression and moved up and down my shoulders against Caria, who happily lifted her cheeks. Then, I twisted my eyebrows while taking the chewing tobacco away from my lips.

No, wait a second. What did she say? Did she say master?

The words she professed felt strangely heavy in my heart. It would be better for me to stop listening to Caria’s words. Her words felt twisted and confused for an odd reason. Caria’s distorted intuition felt too dangerous, and I couldn’t even question her words.

「Have we not decided…? Have you forgotten the duel at Belfein? You robbed me of my life. This body, this spirit, everything. This body of mine is no longer anywhere in the world, except when I handed it over to your hands. 」

Yes, while saying those words, Caria loosened her cheeks and smiled. It was a neat smile, as if she had drawn a beautiful line on her face. It was a smile that meshed beauty with devilishness.

Caria continued to speak to me, while I swallowed the words that were stuck in my throat. I even noticed her cheeks twitching. It felt as if her body overlapped with mine.

…Rest assured, Lugis. If you stop moving your feet, I will pull your hands since I stand by your side. If you don’t know the way, I will pave your way to glory. I will prepare everything you need. Don’t you think I’m showing you tremendous loyalty, huh?

A voice that could not hide a pleasant tone rode in the wind and disappeared into the darkness.

On the eve of the ceremony, the darkness of the night became even darker.