Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

There are women inside with their husbands. It takes me back to when I was pregnant

with Noah.

Rowan never accompanied me to any of my appointments. I was even shocked that he

insisted to

be with me in the room when I was giving birth, given he showed little care for me and the

baby I

was expecting.

Pushing those away, I give the secretary my details and take a seat, while I wait for my

name to be

called.

“Ava Sharp” I’m finally called after about forty five minutes.

I stand up and walk to Dr. Raven’s office.

“Good to see you, Ava. So what can I do for you this fine afternoon?” she asks as she takes

a seat.

“I was hoping to get an ultrasound. I took a pregnancy test yesterday and they were

positive, but I

just wanted a confirmation”

I wring my hands. Completely nervous and nearing a heart attack.

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“That can be arranged Why don’t you lay on the bed, while I set up things?” she asks

kindly and I

nod

1 get up on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I tried calming my beating heart, but it was of

no use.

“Please pull up your top”

I do as she says, my hands shaking. She squirts the gel on my stomach and begins moving

the

wand around.

“You’re definitely pregnant. Around three months along.” she says happily just as the

sound of a

steady beating heart fills the room, as

I blink back the tears and grip the hem of my top. She sounded happy as she delivered the

news,

but I wasn’t.

Everything after that is a blur. She cleans me up and gives me instructions. Talking about

diets

and vitamins. I leave her office and pass by her secretary’s desk. She gives me a date for

my next

appointment and prints for me the images of the baby.

After everything is done, I leave like the hell hounds of hell were after me.

I was numb as I drove. I had held hope. Hope that the tests were false. It’s know to

happen that

they aren’t accurate. I was hoping that it will be the same for my case.

Instead here I am. Driving, with the real proof that I was expecting Ethan’s baby laying in

the

backseat.

I drive for a while not sure where I am, until I finally park. I get out and robotically walk

towards

the cliff.

How can I be happy about this baby? I didn’t want him or her. I didn’t want a baby

conceived out of

deceit and lies. A baby with the same man that tried his hardest to end my life.

How can I look at him or her and not feel any type of resentment? I wanted to forget my

time with

Ethan. This baby will make sure I don’t. He or she will be a reminder of how his or her

father

betrayed me.

All I had to do was to take a step forward. Just one step and everything will end. There

won’t be

any more pain, or sadness or heartache. I would be free of the constant darkness that was

drowning me.

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I hear a cat in the distance, but I don’t turn. I still don’t turn when a door slams

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Ava?” Rowan’s voice growls from behind me.

I don’t tur“, even as the wind picks up I feel its force. As if it was also urging me to make

that one

step

*Ava, please. Step away from the cliff. Come to me” I feel his presence as he slowly

approaches

me, but I don’t step back.

I was so tired. Tired of crying. Tired of hurting. Tired of the constant fucking pain. I was so

fucking tired of fighting. The pain was constant. Always there. Slowly killing me. Reducing

me to

someone I didn’t want to see.

“I don’t think I can do this, Rowan. I just want it all to stop. I want to know what peace is

because I haven’t had it since I was born. I just don’t have it in me to keep fighting

anymore” I cry, feeling

worn out.

“Killing yourself isn’t the answer” he says, just as he grabs me and pulls me back.

I had been so distracted that I didn’t notice how close he had gotten.

“Let go of me! Let me go right now. Let me end this once and for all” I scream, thrashing

in his

hands. Needing him to let me go.

“Snap out of it Ava!” he shouts back at me. Refusing to let go. “Think about Noah, are you

going to

leave him motherless? Are you going to leave him with the pain of losing his beloved

mother at such a young age? What about you’re unborn child, are you so fucking selfish

and cruel that you

would kill an innocent baby? Your own flesh and blood” he shakes me, his face hardening

with

each word he says.

At the mention of Noah’s name. I stop fighting him.

“Rowan…”

“No! I don’t care what you think right now or if you’ll even hate me later, but I’m booking

you an

appointment with a therapist. You’re going to work on your issues and you’re going to be

the best

goddamn mother to your two children and you will love them both unconditionally despite

who

their father is or so help me God, Ava, I will…” he doesn’t finish his sentence but I get

what he’s

saying.

He was breathing hard, grey storms raging in his eyes. His hands tightening around me as

if he

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I sink in his arms. The fight completely leaving me He picks me up bridal style, holding me

close

as I feel his erratic beating heart.

His colyne washes over me and I calm down.

“How did you find me?” I ask as he walks us to his car. @

“I will always find you, Ava” he replies firmly. “Always”

“Thank you, for pulling me back today” I tell him as I sink deeper into his warmth, feeling

ashamed that I contemplated taking my life and that of my baby.

His reply is a soft kiss to my cheek then my temple.

I sigh. Rowan was right. Noah didn’t deserve to lose his mom and my unborn child didn’t

deserve to lose his or her life at my hands. They deserve to live fully and have a mom that

loved them so

much

I was going to make a couple of changes. One of them being pushing my bitterness and

anger aside and facing Ethan. He needed to know that he was going to be a father. Which

means I have

to make a trip to prison.