Headed by a Snake

Barza Keith, the Lone Shadowdark laid naked in a copper tub. After several bells of crying and moping, he had finally run out of tears. He spent his time staring listlessly out of the inn's window, washing his genitals with the same shampoo that hadn't worked since 3 bells past.

"Heyyyyy, bud. How ya doin?" Dragan peeked over the naked man.

Lone turned away, not wanting to face the big man, "I don't wanna talk to you right now."

Tamaki shrugged, "You were kinda indirectly responsible fer the Chosen One gettin' crabs, Mister Dragan."

"Okay, bub, that's fair. But hey. Heyyyy. You're a good guy, you know that?"

Lone absentmindedly touched the skin on his groin area, wincing in pain. He had rubbed it raw, trying to get the burning and the itching to stop, "What the hells do you want, Dragan?"

Dragan grinned over the naked man, "You wanna get some ice cream? 'Cuz I bought some ice cream."

A short male Popoto wearing magician's garb knocked politely on the door.

"Mister Jejeka! Come on in, just don't mind the naked fella in the tub," Tamaki waved him in. Jejeka was the first Popoto he had met, a well-learned, Bronze-Rank Magician with a brimmed cone hat. Like all Popotos, his skin was bronzed, he was barely above 3-fulms-tall, and he had a cute rounded face and a button nose.

"Guild Invictus! I got a package for a-- uhhh." The Popoto squinted at the package writing to ensure its accuracy, "Lone Shadowdark? Isn't that redundant? Shadows are already dark, aren't they?"

The Popoto put his tiny arms on his waist, glancing around the room, "Wait, is this even real or is someone making fun of me again?"

"Niiiiice!" Dragan exclaimed, "Check it out, bud! Boss got you a magic cure potion!"

Dragan grabbed the potion Jejeka was holding out and tossed it to Lone. The potion slipped out of Lone's hands, falling clumsily into his tub. Sobbing tearlessly, he grabbed it out of the dirty water, unstoppered it, and poured the tonic onto his affected region.

"We 'bout ready to kick some butt, Mister Jejeka?" Tamaki inquired.

The tiny Popoto nodded with a cute smile, "Suit up, everyone! Commander Maximus's given the word!"

He placed a fire-charged fist into his open hand, "And that word is *Incerination.*"

...

Tamaki fired another arrow at the defending Tavor guardsmen. He and 5 other Trayus archers and wand-casters held a high point, sniping down important targets at the battle below.

"Aw, fiddlesticks. I moved my thumb," Tamaki twitched.

Dragan peered into the distance below, a flat hand over his brow, "You got one!! Hells yeah, man! Do it again!"

A few of the others shot Tamaki positive nods and silent hand-signals of encouragement.

Tamaki drew his bow again, "Oh boy, this is fun. Usually, I'm more worried 'bout hittin' friendlies than my targets."

Dragan snorted a laugh, "The Watch has cordoned off the area. So fire away, man-- Ooh! You got another one!"

"Really?" Tamaki looked, a dumb smile plastered on his face, "I accidentally closed my eyes when I shot!"

Lone scratched at his trousers. He, Dragan, and Tamaki enjoyed relative safety in the rooftops above the battlefield. The enemy was originally estimated to be two platoons of Tavor Guardsmen, but there were a number of plainclothes mercenaries that didn't evacuate with the civilians.

The tonic Lone took had healed the skin he had rubbed raw, but he still itched terribly, "I'm gonna go join the battle."

"You can jus' relax, bud," Dragan shrugged. "Guild Trayus' forces are doin' fine. And they have Commander Maximus and the Whore General if things get dicey."

Lone half-turned to Dragan, "I just need something to keep my mind off of things."

Dragan shrugged, "Go ahead, bud. I'll cover these guys up here."

Lone leapt off the building, descending down a flagpole. Spinning around the pole twice, he smashed his crotch onto a Tavor guardsman's face, unsheathing a sword and stabbing it into the man's neck, coincidentally landing near the Popoto Magician Jejeka.

"Nice job, Invictus!" Jejeka cheered, bouncing up and down, "I thought I was a sliced Popoto!!"

Lone smiled weakly, "Y-yeah. No problem." He felt a bit strange that a mage as old as he was had such naturally cute actions.

"Ugly descent. Sloppy execution," an elven woman sneered.

"Councilor Naedrielle?" Jejeka waved his arms in the air in surprise.

Naedrielle narrowed her eyes at the magician, "I've resigned as of this morning. I prefer to be called Wind General."

She turned her glare to Lone, "Follow me to the front, Invictus whelp."

Lone rendered the woman a silent salute. The fiery itch on his crotch had yet to die down completely.

Jejeka pat Lone's thigh, "I'm coming with you!"

Lone stared blankly at the grinning magician.

"Why? Well, I've always been meaning to try out this new spell where I combine internal combustion and external dehydration to improve the burning process."

Lone didn't know what to say, "Uh?"

"Basically what I'm saying is if there's someone out to get you, he'll have to go through some of my experiments" The grinning Popoto threw up both hands, his thumbs raised.

"The both of you! Follow me!" Naedrielle shouted.

...

Lone focused his attention on following in Wind General Naedrielle's wake, quickly finding the reason for her title. Just being near her, Lone felt a gentle breeze flow through his hair. His body felt lighter, and he was able to run with a magical glide.

Even as she dashed forward, she would whip her rapier out at enemies, each man and woman falling to a single accurate slash... The elf's ruthlessness and precision reminded Lone of Tycon's.

The two quickly made it to the front lines, where Naedrielle pointed with her rapier blade. 4 monstrous black and flaming creatures stood at the ready alongside dozens of Tavor guardsmen and mercenaries.

She began shouting orders at the men and women of Guild Trayus, "Melee, prioritize the guards and protect our back lines! Ranged, focus fire my target!!"

She turned to face Lone. Levitating a few ilms off of the ground, their eyes met at equal height, "Hellhounds. How many can you take out?"

Lone pursed his lips... "Um. One?"

"Ughhh," Naedrielle signed in utter contempt. She pointed at the biggest creature. "You can handle that one, then. I'll take care of the other three."

In a blast of air, she dashed away, a surge of spell casts and arrows following her.

"Wake up, Lone! The heckhound is comin' right for us!!" Jejeka waved his magical staff wildly in a panic.

"Seven hells!!" Lone yelled, charging forward through the crowd of guards.

He slid under a Tavor guardsman's greataxe slash, then grabbed a different guard by the helmet and hit them in the chin with a rising knee.

Drawing his blades, he blocked two attacks coming at him simultaneously from his left and right.

"Ignition DRIVE!!" Jejeka's shout came from behind.

Drilled into Lone's reflexes, he immediately dropped to the floor, allowing a booming chain of fiery explosions to blast his two attackers away.

Quickly getting to his knees, Lone sprinted forward towards the largest hellhound as it reared its head up to howl at the sky.

"Mister Double Dark!!!!"

Lone furrowed his brow and looked back at the Popoto mage. He was waving his staff in the air with wide sweeping motions, trying to get his attention.

"It's gonna breathe fire!! You gotta shut him up or he's gonna kill us all!!!"