Heavenly Jewel Change

Chapter 28 Lethal ‘Weapon’ (1)

“En??” The middle aged man stood up suddenly, shoving Zhou Weiqing to the side, his somewhat blurry eyes fixed attentively in a direction. He then said exasperatedly: “Dammit kid, it’s all your fault, the E Cup has left. Sigh, it isn’t easy to find such a large one, is it easy to be Your Father, I? Wait, why are you a male? Old Zhou said it would be a beautiful girl!” As he said that, he seized up Zhou Weiqing.

Zhou Weiqing grinned and said: “Heh heh, That must be you are Luo Ke Di Senior. There are two of us, the other is a girl, and I joined later. Admiral Zhou asked us both to look for you together.”

“So there really is a beautiful girl! Where?!” Luo Ke Di immediately perked up at the sound of that.

Zhou Weiqing blinked, thinking to himself: What sort of person was this? Was this really the well respected Heavenly Bow Unit that Shangguan Bing’er mentioned? Why does he seem so similar to that weird old man! Of course, he isn’t as vulgar as that old rascal, but he’s a lot more straightforward.

Zhou Weiqing turned and waved towards Shangguan Bing’er, beckoning her over, and she immediately started walking over. As she did so, Zhou Weiqing heard Luo Ke Di muttering to himself: “Looks not bad, but only 33 inches… not my type.” Very quickly, Shangguan Bing’er had reached them and she gave a respectful bow and senior: “Hello Senior.”

Luo Ke Di’s narrowed eyes suddenly lit up, and he said: “A blemish does not obscure a jade [1. Pros outweigh the cons]! Although a little small, but extremely likable.”

To Shangguan Bing’er, when he said small, she naturally thought he was referring to her age, but Zhou Weiqing instantly knew what he was referring to, and without batting an eyelid, he said: “Senior, there’s a top quality one over there.”

“Eh? Where?” Luo Ke Di immediately perked up.

Zhou Weiqing pointed to a lady who was sitting alone at a table just a short distance away. She was eating alone, and there were several dishes lined up on her table. The strange thing was that although the entire hall was nearly filled up to 80% capacity, the tables surrounding her were still empty.

The woman’s back was facing Luo Ke Di, and he had not noticed her previously. However, now that he looked closely, his heart trembled. Her head of black hair was combed neatly behind, with a graceful figure and a long green dress that seemed to be of extraordinary quality. The thing that attracted Luo Ke Di most was that, from the angle he had, he could see that her bosom was of imposing size. “At least 38 inches! Heavens! That is literally a Lethal ‘Weapon’! It’s probably an F Cup too! That is truly a rare, magnificent sight.”

Luo Ke Di swallowed hard before turning to Zhou Weiqing and saying solemnly: “Hey lad, I’ll go pay the bill, and when I walk past the table, you call out to me. You know what I mean!” As he said that, he winked at Zhou Weiqing, then started walking towards the green clad lady. Zhou Weiqing gave him a knowing smile, but Shangguan Bing’er started and asked curiously: “What does he mean?”

Zhou Weiqing grinned and said: “He’ll walk over, and I’ll call him, and he can use the opportunity to turn around and look at her.”

Shangguan Bing’er got a strange look in her eyes as she said: “Is he… really the person we’re looking for? Why is he even worse than you…”

By now, Luo Ke Di had walked past the table, and Zhou Weiqing quickly cooperated and called out: “Luo Ke Di, you still have half a bottle of wine unfinished here!”

With the cue given, Luo Ke Di turned around in a suave motion, it was such a natural, innocent movement, and his eyes just ‘happened’ to rest on the lady sitting alone.

In the next instant, Luo Ke Di seemed to freeze in place, his entire body stopping and not moving an inch, in his mind two phrases reverberated… So big... Save me… Indeed, that green clad lady had a pair of lethal ‘weapons’; as expected it was an F cup of massive proportions. However, the problem was, her face was also a true lethal weapon! The left side of the face was like the surface of the moon, full of craters and pockmarks, and the right half of the face was filled with pimples. Her thick sausage lips stretched almost to both ears, while the pair of unevenly placed beady eyes glittered with yellow light. The strangest thing was that, her face was strangely shaped, with the top part small and a wide jaw, and her chin filled with some stubble. Top quality [2. It’s the direct translation of 极品, which was difficult to TL here, as Zhou Weiqing used it earlier with a different connotation. In Chinese it can have several meanings, including top quality, and… the reverse as well. You can think of it as being used ‘sarcastically’]… this was indeed an unbelievable top quality; even if you tried to look like that, it would be difficult!

From Zhou Weiqing and Shangguan Bing’er’s angle, they could see that Luo Ke Di’s face turned red, then white, and green, and purple… His chest heaving as he wrestled with his emotions.

At that time, the ‘lethal weapon’ looked up to see Luo Ke Di staring at her, and immediately gave him a coquettish look and said: “This handsome gentleman, would you like to have a meal with me?”

Luo Ke Di’s expression suddenly calmed down, and he seemed to recover himself, saying unhurriedly: “My apologies, beautiful lady, I would love to do so but I’m afraid I have some urgent business to take care off. Perhaps next time.” He then looked back at Zhou Weiqing and Shangguan Bing’er and said passively: “I’ll be waiting for you both outside.” After he said that, he turned around in a suave, charming manner, and walked off. Although he looked extremely calm, Zhou Weiqing could see that his steps were growing ever faster, and as soon as he reached the exit of the Di Hao Inn, Zhou Weiqing could hear the faint sounds of retching.

Zhou Weiqing’s face revealed a brilliant, honest looking smile, and he turned to Shangguan Bing’er and said: “Looks like this Senior Luo isn’t feeling very well! Let’s go as well Bing’er. Don’t look back!” As he said that, he pulled Shangguan Bing’er towards the exit, and he thought evilly to himself: You old fellow, trying to fantasize about my wife, that’s your punishment! Hmph!

As soon as they left the inn, they saw Luo Ke Di squatting down at the corner of the exit, vomiting his guts out. The smell of alcohol filled the air, and clearly he had just expelled everything he had eaten and drank.

Zhou Weiqing pulled Shangguan Bing’er further away, with his signature smile still on his face. Although Shangguan Bing’er didn’t know exactly what had happened, but she could guess a little, and she said softly: “Little Fatty, you’re too mean!”

Zhou Weiqing said gently: “As they say, tit for tat is fair play. I’m truly suspicious about what my dad said about this Unparalleled Liu Duo, could it be the Liu of Liu Mang [3. 流氓 - basically means rogue]?”

After some time, Luo Ke Di finally recovered, and as he lifted up his head to look at Zhou Weiqing and Shangguan Bing’er, his expression was surprisingly unperturbed, as if nothing had happened earlier. Walking close to the two of them, he smiled as he said to Zhou Weiqing: “Little bro, is that what you call top quality?”

Zhou Weiqing’s face expression was honest and guileless, and with a hint of confusion in his voice, he said: “Yes! When I walked passed her just now, I was extremely shocked too. Such a top quality ugly lady, it’s hard to find in the world. Senior, what happened to you just now? Is your stomach upset?” Luo Ke Di’s expression looked somewhat depressed, and he sighed lightly as he said: “Indeed top quality… anyway, you both, come with me.” As he said that, he started walking towards the Heavenly Bow City’s exit.

Being looked at by that depressed look, Zhou Weiqing suddenly felt a chill run down his spine, as if he had been bitten by a venomous snake. That man… was certainly one of a kind as well [4. Yet another meaning of 极品]. As Luo Ke Di walked slowly in front, he led the pair out of the Heavenly Bow City, to the left and about 500 metres forward before he finally stopped.

Turning around, he said in a solemn voice: “You both are here to join our Heavenly Bow Unit right? In that case, you two should know that it isn’t that easy to join up. No matter what your identity or status is, what background you have, as long as you want to join the Heavenly Bow Unit, you have to pass through three tests. And I, am your examiner.

The current Luo Ke Di seemed very earnest and businesslike, coupled with his good looks, it was very hard to connect and relate him to the same person who was roguishly talking about breasts earlier. However, Zhou Weiqing sensed danger, the danger of a kindred spirit; furthermore it was clear that this person had a much stronger control over his emotions and acting.

Shangguan Bing’er said: “Senior, how shall we go about the tests then?”

Luo Ke Di said: “The test is very simple, you will now go ahead 300 yards, and shoot at me with arrows. Each of you will have ten arrows worth of chances, and to pass the first round, you will have to able to force me to parry the arrow.

Shangguan Bing’er was originally very nervous, but upon hearing that, she relaxed a little, saying: “In that case, please advice me, Senior.” As she said that, she pulled Zhou Weiqing ahead.

As Zhou Weiqing followed her, he said: “That fellow gives me a sinking feeling, something is fishy! Bing’er, you better be careful as well.”

Shangguan Bing’er said doubtingly: “The seniors of the Heavenly Bow Unit have all give countless heroic contributions to our Empire, and are all considered heroes of the empire. Little Fatty, are you thinking too much? Earlier, that Senior must have drank too much, which is why he lost control of himself. Look, he seems so much better now after vomiting out all the alcohol right?”

Zhou Weiqing arched his brow and said: “I hope that’s true.”

As they reached the 300 yard mark, both of them turned around. At such a distance, Luo Ke Di was but a speck in the distance, but they were both Heavenly Jewel Masters, and their vision was naturally much better than any ordinary humans, and they were still able to see him clearly.

“You two take turns, little girl, you go first.” Luo Ke Di’s voice came to them; though it wasn’t very loud, it still sounded out clearly in their ears. This was a distance of 300 yards! Zhou Weiqing and Shangguan Bing’er exchanged looks of surprise, that alone required a high cultivation level of Heavenly Energy to achieve.

As Shangguan Bing’er took off the Purple Dawn Bow from her back, she released her Heavenly Jewels. Immediately, her first Physical Jewel spun in the air and coalesced into her palm in a burst of bright green light, forming the Silent Tracking Arrow.

Note from Zen:

As you guys should know by now, the title of the chapter is rather punny. 绝世‘凶’器 can be broken down to 绝世 and ‘凶’器. 绝世 would mean ultimate, unique, or just very strong. ‘凶’器 on the other hand is a play on words as like in the chapter, as 凶 - is fierce, while 胸 refers to the chest, or breasts in this case, hence the inverted commas, as they use it interchangeably in their Luo Ke Di and Zhou Weiqing’s conversation. I honestly couldn’t think of a good title for this so I just took inspiration from Mel Gibson ;) and left you guys with this explanation at the end.

Here are some interesting title suggestions from other translator friends!

Deceptioning - Ultimate Boobage, Dangerous pair of weapons, Bombsom (bosom)

Taffy - Dangerous Cleave-age (cleavage)

Thyaeria - World Shaking 'Lethal' bosom

OMA - Ultimate breast weaponry

My personal favourite is Kookiedreamer & Haku’s suggestion - A Lethal Boobie Trap