I Met the Male Lead in Prison

1. 1. It’s called love

He knows, what does he mean by that? I scanned his face, trying not to show my emotions. Because I covered his eyes, I could only see half of his face.

“What do you know?”

“Maybe. Everything.”

It felt like he knew only half of what I was revealing. But at the same time I noticed what he was talking about.

“I know.”

If his words had been mournful as if he couldn’t admit it a while ago, now the tone was filled with conviction.

“That you don’t remember our first meeting.”

His voice came out so calmly that I was startled. My hands trembled impatiently.

“Maybe, you don’t even remember all the memories with me.”

I moved my lips. I didn’t know what to say. The lips never opened. In the end, I couldn’t find anything to say.

I knew very well that I was too clumsy in comforting people. There was nothing I could do other than being silent in a situation where I couldn’t even give comfort.

“Anyone who has seen you before will know.”

He muttered with his half exposed face.

“……You’re like a…… Different person…….”

How does it feel to have someone you love become a different person one day?

“The fact that you no longer remember what I remember.…… I knew right away.”

I don’t know to what extent Lenag knows. But in the end, when you can’t remember amounts to you becoming a different person.

He would know better because he loved Iana.

“So maybe……. maybe.”

I can feel the trembling of his eyelashes. His voice trembled slightly as if following it.

“You woke up from the dead one day and lost all your memories.”

He tried to speak with difficulty.

“The you I know is gone.”

But towards the end, the breath scatters like a pant. His attempts to catch his breath were broken and his breath turned into vapors in each exhalation, but he struggled to finish his words.

“When you open your eyes again, you are…… you are…….”

In the end, he couldn’t speak. I knew what he wanted to say in his silence.

“Completely new…….”

One day, the ‘Iana’ that this man knows disappears. There was someone else instead.

“I was trying to be calm.”

He was the head of a huge organization called Kambrakam. He couldn’t not have noticed. I wasn’t the only one who pretended not to know and closed our eyes.

I kept my lips shut.

He looked like he didn’t want to talk. I didn’t seem to want to admit it. Do I have to force the person who had their eyes closed to open their eyes? Or should I continue pretending not to know?

“Maybe, you are right. What if the person you loved is no longer in this world?”

Even so, in the end, I told the man the truth that I didn’t want to tell him. What would he do if the person in front of him was just a stranger?

Tears streamed down my palms.

“I told you I know, right? And that was a long time ago…… Maybe I realized it since the first time in a sense.”

His lips, which could neither smile nor cry, spat out a soft voice as if caring for me even at this moment.

“Even though I knew it, my heart couldn’t help but beat for you in front of me.”

His lips clenched and opened.

“Again…… again. Falling in love was not difficult.”

I gradually realized.

“What should I do?”

The voice that flows out plainly was actually a confession that came out of his heart.

“Even you who didn’t know your family well, that is lovely.”

He gasped with his mouth shut.

“What should I do…….”

I didn’t ask what confusion he was having. I can only guess with a painful voice. In the end, I didn’t even ask what he had decided to do at the end of that love.

“I won’t ask you what you’ve been thinking. But Lenag, now……. If you realize something, wouldn’t it be right for our relationship to change as well?”

Now that he knows everything. I was trying to tell him that the situation was different. I have no memory, and if he knew that I was someone else, he would only suffer more in the future.

Even more so if that love is attributed to ‘Iana’.

“I can’t give it back to you.”

“You don’t have to give it back.”

“It’s painful.”

Above all, even if he really loved me, I couldn’t give it back to him. He shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t remember me. If you can’t get it back, and you can’t remember it, I’ll just have to deal with it.”

His voice sinks low. He ended up throwing the last question and tears altogether.

“Then where should I let the heart that had already loved?”

While gently rejecting my refusal again. It was pathetic to see the strong man who was like a sharp knife collapse.

I looked at him sadly and moved my hand slightly.

“Let’s wipe your tears and talk.”

I thought I should wipe away his tears first, so I tried to remove my hand, but he grabbed my hand and shook his head once more.

“Don’t look.”

He hesitated and added a little.

“It’s ugly.”

“It’s not ugly.”

“……I hope you don’t…see it.”

To be honest, it’s not appropriate for the situation, but…… The face of the handsome crying man was a superb view. It would never be ugly.

I exhaled a little.

“I see. Alright.”

Then I remove his hand from my hand. His hand flinched, but I didn’t care and placed his hand on my face.

“We can do this, right?”

We covered each other’s eyes. A small laugh leaks out of the slightly ridiculous appearance.

“I’ll pretend I haven’t heard anything.”

I’ve already heard and said everything, but I’m still saying this for his sake.

“You didn’t cry, and I didn’t see it either.”

The truths he said and don’t want to know. This was a consideration for this man’s desperate love.

“So tell me. If you go back, what would you like to do?”

If only we could go back to when I didn’t listen. I added.

This world is the world that Chaser turned back. ‘Iana’ only had an empty body and only her body was alive. I don’t know when he turned it back. Maybe it was after ‘Iana’ met Lenag for the first time? I’m just guessing cautiously.

So.

“I’ll do whatever you want.”

His love should not be taken lightly. I hoped that the man who had loved the dead all by himself would not suffer any more. It was sad. I wanted to give it back to him who could have just finished it carelessly, or done well so far.

Give up or wake up. Whether he falls into the illusion he made himself. So that he can choose.

I heard a small wheezing. I also couldn’t see because my eyes were covered, but he seemed to be smiling.

“Miss Iana, you are such a cruel person.”

He muttered softly, ‘to choose the you of the past or the you of the present’.

“You are in front of someone you will never see again.”

I didn’t actually want to say that, but I waited for his answer without questioning.

“The beginning is a long time ago. Very long. Even so, you want to focus on what’s right in front of you.”

When I opened my eyes, I could see a faint light shining through the crack in my hand. I can see his face split between his wide fingers.

“If the person I see now is you who claims to be someone else.”

Long tears formed at the tip of the sharp and delicate jaw line. How can even tears resemble him? Drops of water that couldn’t even fall, pitifully, flow down to the top of his neck.

“What if I can not erase this heart?”

He took his hand away for a moment.

The large hand caressed my face and covered my eyes again. He must have thought it made me uncomfortable. I quietly let him cover my eyes.

Someone said that the human eye is the window of truth. I’m sure it was a gesture that contained lies.

In another sense, maybe the eyes represent the person. Even with the same body, different people have different eyes. I had a habit of avoiding people’s eyes, so he may have noticed it for a long time.

So in the end.

“You were the only person in Kambrakam that made me smile, and you were always like the raindrops in my life that was like dry land.”

I covered his tears.

“Even if you are no longer there.”

Maybe he ignored the truth that was flowing out of my eyes.

“Like a sunflower that grows toward the sun. I just want to love you just the way you are.”

He was a very warm-hearted man. That’s why I thought his hands would be warm.

“As I said, it wasn’t difficult to fall in love again.”

Contrary to the words, his trembling voice seemed to indicate that it was never easy to see me differently.

“…… I want to love you. Now, I think I will die without you.”

He finally uttered one last word.

“The present you…… I want to love you.”

Did ‘Iana’ really know? The fact that there are people who are weeping as if the world has disappeared just at the mention of her disappearance. And the man who wept sadly over his new love was sweet and lovable. So that even the indifferent me felt that my heart hurt so much.

“I will not dare to ask for love.”

At this moment, Chaser’s words ran through my head. The Yellow Rose that has never been chosen for a long time.

“Can I love you?”

What were the thoughts of those who were labeled a traitor for a long time for just one mistake?

“Even if I’m not the ‘Iana’ I used to be?”

“…….”

He didn’t answer. Only tears were dropping. He would have known. The one he loved the first time never comes back. I didn’t know what he was feeling.

“Yes. I can breathe just by being right in front of you.”

Even if he loves me now, I won’t be able to repay him in the same way. And if this is just the illusion of wanting to love the present me.

“Lenag.”

It was an earnest wish from him.

“Allow me to love you.”

Even if this love was an illusion that bloomed in confusion, I was willing to cover it up. To a man who may be in love with someone who is no longer in this world, or who may have started a one-sided love again after a long unrequited love.

“You may love me.”

I gave the saddest permission.

At that moment, his hand fell from my eyes.

“Yes.”

And there was a man with a smile on his face that I had never seen before. A soft smile that no longer had the courtesy of wearing the glasses.

“Iana.”

I realized. My thinking so far is wrong.

“I love you. Just like before. No, maybe even more.”

All he loved was me. He looks straight at me and says love.

“I.”

He carefully grabbed my hand and kissed the back of my hand.

“I will always be one step behind you.”

Acting like he was going to die without me. With that appearance of asking to stay by my side.

“As long as you give me permission.”

“…… Yes.”

After saying this, I thought for a moment. Chaser says that a rose that is not loved ends up going crazy.

At the same time, there was me who understood and accepted this deformed relationship little by little.

***

“Iana!”

It was two days later that I met Ricdorian again.

The day after Lenag confessed to me, Lenag moved to Hernim’s mansion with an empty face, and his prediction was exactly right. Hernim’s castle, where no one was there, welcomed us. Ricdorian was leaving for the Valtaize mansion. It took him a full day to get back, and after two days I saw him again.

I alternately glanced at the smashed door and Ricdorian. I burst into a small laugh as I thought about what the door’s crime was to be smashed like that.

“Ricdorian.”

There were tears and smiles that bloomed brightly like flower buds bursting at one time on my little call. Running like a large beast, he stopped in front of me and hesitated.

“What are you hesitating about?”

“I was wondering if I could hug you.”

I laughed out loud and then opened my arms.

“Then you can do this, right? Uhp!”

I almost bit my tongue. As soon as I allowed it, my feet floated in the air. He looked up at me, hugging my thighs.

“You surprised me.”

“Ah……. Sorry.”

Ricdorian lowered his gaze sullenly, then said quickly.

“It’s so nice to see you.”

It was then that I realized something was in his hand. It was the Emperor’s tiara. He put it over my head and smiled brightly. The twinkling sunlight reflected on it.

“Iana, the moment I saw you, I was happy as if the sun had risen again.”

This chapter is so long but so beautiful, I don’t have the heart to split it T^T