I'm Really a Superstar

On the web.

Those watching the crosstalk competition live stream were left stunned!

"Teacher Zhang is starting to become even more ruthless!"

"Haha, that bunch of people are really unlucky!"

"They really annoyed Teacher Zhang this time!"

"If Zhang Ye really starts to release the hooligan in him, no one can stop him!"

"Awesome! Well scolded! My frustrations are all vented now! There are so many terrible things in society and none of them have led the audience astray, so why would Teacher Zhang Ye's crosstalk do that? Aren’t they really just making a big fuss?"

"Supporting Zhang Ye!"

"They've said what I'm thinking!"

......

At the venue.

The audience was getting excited.

Zhang Ye said, "If crosstalk is so powerful, why are we still researching missiles for? Why are we researching nuclear weapons and using an army for? We should just send a bunch of crosstalk actors and destroy anyone in our path!"

The audience was cheering him on!

"Great!"

"Well said!"

Zhang Ye continued on, "Some people like to keep the word 'vulgar' hanging from their mouths to make themselves appear more elegant. The upper classes of society that say that others are vulgar are just pretending to be confused. The expert scholars saying that others are vulgar are just sad...But I am sadder than that!" Amidst the applause from the audience, he said, "When crosstalk actors say that others are vulgar, that is just a sign of jealousy! Jealousy! Hatred!"

The applause was ringing again!

"Hahaha!"

"Yi!"

The crosstalk artists nearly swore at this!

The crosstalk competition participants who had banded together to boycott Zhang Ye were also fuming!

Yao Jiancai smiled and said, "Only between fellow peers would it be pure hatred."

Zhang Ye said, "I have a poem that perfectly describes the state of the crosstalk world now."

Yao Jiancai said, "Why don't you recite it for us?"

Zhang Ye began reciting, "The frosty Winter looks forward to Spring." This poem was a work of Zhang Ye a while ago and was titled "Eight Things to Look Forward To". When he recited up to that part, many of the audience members also followed and recited along with him. Zhang Ye also slowed down his recital and allowed everyone to recite it alongside him!

Audience: "The beautiful looks forward to sugar daddies!"

Audience: "The leisurely mistress looks forward to hooligans!"

Audience: "The scholar studying at night looks forward to a female ghost!"

10 people......

50 people......

100 people......

The audience chanted along, creating a spectacular scene!

"A single old man looks forward to an aunt!"

"A person in acting looks forward to awards!"

For the final line, everyone dragged out their words along with Zhang Ye and shouted, "A person in crosstalk looks forward to....the death! Of! His peers!" And then, everyone laughed evilly in unison. The timing and coordination of the audience and the duo were too good, thus everyone felt that they enjoyed it thoroughly!

Yao Jiancai said jubilantly, "Wow, that was in perfect unison!"

As Zhang Ye had used that poem to scold the literary world before, it was rather well known. On top of that, it was easy to remember. Anyone who read it once or twice before would be able to memorize it. All of these reasons had helped create the spectacular scene in the studio!

Zhang Ye and the audience members were enjoying themselves, but for those crosstalk world members, they were so angry that they nearly wanted to bite someone. Zhang Ye, you bastard! After scolding us, you even led the audience to scold us all together with you? Aren't you being too wicked?! This audience were really going too far as well! Why were they following suit?!

Zhang Ye said, "What is elegance? What is vulgarity?"

Yao Jiancai said, "There are many people on the internet discussing about this right now."

Zhang Ye said, "Our crosstalk actors have already proclaimed that listening to a symphony makes you elegant while listening to music on the internet is vulgar."

"Hai." Yao Jiancai shook his head.

Zhang Ye said, "If a celebrity lipsyncs, it is elegance, while self-promotional artists online are vulgar!"

Yao Jiancai laughed, "They must be joking."

Zhang Ye said, "Viewing the human body is elegant, but cracking dirty jokes is vulgar!" followed by, "Drinking coffee is elegant while eating garlic is....vulgar!"

"Yi!"

The audience was laughing out loudly. They had, of course, seen what Tang Dazhang and his disciple had written online last night, referring to Zhang Ye's works as raw garlic that was vulgar to the last bit!

Zhang Ye scolded, "The great man taught us to say...Go to hell, you little rascal son-of-a-gun!"

Yao Jiancai then said, "Which great man taught us something like that?"

"My second uncle." Zhang Ye said.

"Great!"

"Hahaha!"

"Go to hell, son-of-a-gun!"

The audience followed along in the scolding!

Zhang Ye said, "Let me reiterate on that. Elegance is not something that you can fake...." He emphatically added, "Only being a grandson is something that you can fake!"

Tang Dazhang was seething and so angry that he wanted to leave the venue!

The other crosstalk actors were also witnessing that crosstalk could be delivered in such a manner for the first time during this competition!

Zhang Ye continuously scolded, "If you have the time to criticize, why don't you all go and practice your basic tongue-twisters instead? That is something which would be relevant to crosstalk instead of what you all have been doing."

Yao Jiancai nodded, "That's very true."

Zhang Ye was getting more and more excited as he spoke, "Sometimes when I see them faking it, I get angry too. Why don't they just pass their days peacefully rather than finding trouble wherever they go? After getting onto the public buses, isn’t it tiring enough to deal with the crowds? With a red face from all that squeezing, they still insist on taking out an English newspaper to read. Do you even know how to read English?!"

The audience laughed out, "Hahaha!"

Zhang Ye said, "And on the streets having a conversation, why do you need to speak half in Chinese and half in English!"

Yao Jiancai asked, "Really?"

Zhang Ye continued, "Even while buying apples. HELLO ah, Sir. I will LOOK-LOOK ah. Your APPLE is two dollars for 3.5KGs?" With a change in his tone, he said, "You're already buying rotten apples, why do you still need to show off! This is all I've got!"

Yao Jiancai smiled and said, "That's true."

Zhang Ye said, "And that person who is wearing the big yellow chain!"

Some people suddenly discovered that an experienced crosstalk actor in his forties who was sitting in the front row was wearing a big gold chain hanging around his neck. This person was one of the actors who had called for a boycott against Zhang Ye on Weibo and had a huge reputation within the crosstalk world. He was on equal standing with Tang Dazhang and was considered to be part of the Crosstalk Association’s upper management.

Yao Jiancai asked, "Gold Chain?"

Zhang Ye seethed, "Don't sweat! If there's sweat, the vest would surely get dirty!"

Yao Jiancai realizingly said, "The color will fade? Isn't that made of gold?"

Zhang Ye sarcastically said, "That's made of plastic and plated with copper!"

Yao Jiancai finally lost it and laughed, "Great, that really looks like the real thing!"

The crosstalk actor who was wearing the gold chain had turned red in embarrassment! He nearly vomited blood! He had not expected Zhang Ye to call out on him!

Zhang Ye continued his scoldings, "And for some other people, aiya, to buy a bottle of shampoo, they even have to go all the way to Hong Kong's SaSa chain to buy it. Come on! You don't even have as much hair as Teacher Yao over here!"

As Yao Jiancai had shaved his hair off for a role whose filming had concluded a short while ago, he said in a speechless manner, "A baldy? Then why would that person wash his head for!"

Zhang Ye said, "That's what I'm talking about."

Below the stage, there were three crosstalk actors who had scolded Zhang Ye before and were bald as well. When they heard this, they nearly wanted to roll up their sleeves and go up on stage to beat him up!

Even the cameraman turned around to capture them on frame. Perhaps it was because they knew that this wasn't a live broadcast, so they just subconsciously did their basic duties as cameramen!

On the big screen in front, the faces of the three bald crosstalk actors appeared!

When the audience saw this, all of them burst out laughing!

"Hahahaha!"

"Aiyo, I can't take it anymore!"

Zhang Ye continued on indifferently, "Someone even got their pants wet and blamed it on spilling an abalone on it while eating....If you peed your pants, just say you peed your pants!"

Yao Jiancai: "Heh!"

The audience, "Pfft! Hahahaha!"

Zhang Ye said, "And that other one, after finishing his meal, he told the service crew to put it on his tab. When the service crew said it wasn't an available service... ...He said that he would pay by credit card then...." With a pause, Zhang Ye contemptuously said, "You're just having a bowl of wonton soup, what the hell are you using your credit card for!"

Yao Jiancai was tickled, "That is really rather inappropriate."

Zhang Ye said, "Trying to act like a know-it-all! Especially those of us who are in the line of performing crosstalks. All day long we seek elegance in everything we do. Wasn't it like this yesterday? When our country's crosstalk world held a conference."

Yao Jiancai blinked, "They were really diligent about it."

Zhang Ye laughed, "Yea, that group of people had no place left to perform their crosstalks, so all they can do is to attend conferences!"

Yao Jiancai said, "They went there to practice their basics?"

The audience laughed heartily!

Zhang Ye said, "Thereafter, there was a crosstalk expert, a certain Xu Doe."

Yao Jiancai, "An expert that doesn't dare leave their full name?"

Xu Doe?

Crosstalk Master Xu Wenxiang?

Many in the audience had their concentration jolted!

Zhang Ye said, "He told me to follow him home, telling me, 'Comrade Little Zhang, come with me back home. I will teach you about elegance and vulgarity. It wouldn't be right if you don't come along with me. Let's go.’”

Yao Jiancai said, "Then you must surely go with him."

Zhang Ye said, "When I went inside his house, I could see that there were couplets hanging from his walls. The air of a cultured person was very strong — Lying on the sandy beach for two and half years, my body would flip around when hit by the waves."

Yao Jiancai wondered and asked, "Oh?"

Zhang Ye reveal surprisingly, "When I saw it, I knew that it meant 'A tortoise bastard'!"

The thousands of audience members were laughing madly by now! So damaging! That scolding was so damn damaging!

When Xu Wenxiang, who was below the stage in his seat, heard this, his body swayed a little! His mustache was even curling in anger!

All the other crosstalk actors and artists were fuming in anger! Holy sh*t! Zhang Ye, you actually have the audacity to scold just about anyone! You even dared to set up a joke using Master Xu??

Yao Jiancai asked, "An expert is really good at solving riddles."

Zhang Ye said, "At his house, on the table were two books. It looked like they were really deep books and probably only suited for elegant people to read."

Yao Jiancai asked, "What kind of books were they?"

Zhang Ye snapped his fingers and said, "One of them was 'Xinhua Dictionary'."

Yao Jiancai nodded, "There's a lot of knowledge to be found in dictionaries. It would be difficult just to study everything in it. What about the other book?"

Zhang Ye replied, "The other one was called 'How to check a dictionary'!"

Yao Jiancai nearly fainted, "Well, this person doesn't even know how to use a dictionary?!"

The audience, "Wuahahaha!"

Zhang Ye said, "And then, the old artist began to teach me some lessons. He told me that we must be elegant and not vulgar. Even if we have to pay with our lives, we have to maintain the elegance and not bow to vulgarity. For almost the whole day, he did not say anything proper and only kept repeating that. Finally, he told me, 'Little Zhang, don't be unhappy. You can choose not to stay silent, but we will definitely be able to silence you. We will write anonymous letters, reports, and use all sorts of tricks, do you know?'"

Even resort to snitching?

Did Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai get issued with a warning because of them?!

The audience started booing, "Yi!"

The crosstalk world members' expressions changed again!

Zhang Ye continued to say, "The old artist even told me earnestly, 'You might not understand me, so you will scold me for now, but when you understand my intentions, then you will.....want to kill me!'"

Audience: "Hahahaha!"

Yao Jiancai said, "Heh, even he himself knows that he is hated that much!"

Zhang Ye said, "He even said that we should work harder to gain elegance. If we worked hard enough, there will be a day when anyone looking down at us from the moon would no longer be able to see Earth. All they would be able to see is a bunch of crosstalk artists floating in space and being elegant!"

The previous time, he had mentioned that the Great Wall could be seen!

But this time, not even Earth could be seen anymore?

In the studio, the thousands of people were already laughing helplessly!

Yao Jiancai also added, "They even managed to get rid of Earth? That bunch of people must really be causing a big mess."

Zhang Ye sighed, "After coming on stage, I kept thinking to myself about something. That if we were to execute one of every two crosstalk actors, there would surely still be no injustice done!"