Memoirs of the Returnee

Kee-ruk kee-ruk kee-ruk—

Seagulls cried out from the sky. The coastline shimmered with light. The sunlight danced like patterns on shells.

In this picturesque scene, Johanna looked at him.

He had a face she didn't recognize, yet he recited words she knew all too well.

"You made a promise, didn't you? Are you pretending to have forgotten?”

"You

Suddenly, the veil that had been fogging Johanna’s mind lifted, and he jokingly grasped her wrist.

"We don’t have much time.”

“Is it really you?”

"Yes. I've been wandering around, by Lady Johanna’s side. Don’t you remember?”

.Ah.”

Then it all came back to her.

The sentence etched on the windowpane, declaring that Shion Ascal of this world was a fake.

The doctor who suddenly died while examining her.

The gardener who was about to say something to her but was killed by a garden shear to the throat

The coachman who suffered a heart attack from a horse's kick while spouting nonsense like ‘Doesn’t this world seem fake to you?’

And countless other traces and messages, as if someone was trying to communicate with her...

"Yes.”

He smiled.

"It was all me.”

Johanna's heart stirred.

"It was all to protect Lady Johanna.”

.You!”

She reached out first, slapping his cheek with enough force to make a sound.

"Ouch.”

It must have hurt, as a dumbfounded noise escaped him.

She asked urgently.

"If it’s really you, how are you still alive? You were supposed to be dead.”

“I’ll explain later. We don't have time right now.”

With that, he handed her another plane ticket. Johanna looked at it.

The destination was Beckman[BECKMAN].

"Take this flight. It’s the way out."

Beckman?”

"Yes. You must go to Beckman."

Johanna took the ticket, but she was doubtful.

Could she trust him now?

Once again, another suspicion began to rise from the bottom of her heart...

"It’s your choice in what you choose to belief.”

With that single sentence, Johanna brushed it off.

"Yes.”

She nodded as if to agree.

"Believing is a matter of freedom. Being swayed by doubt is not."

Johanna smirked and tucked the ticket into her pocket.

"Then. I’ll see you later."

The driver got into the car, and not far away, Shion returned.

The man with Shion's face.

"Let’s go, my lord. Everything has been taken care of.”

He confidently escorted her.

Let’s.”

Johanna walked alongside him.

They arrived at a modest airport. There weren’t many people, and there were only two gates. The coast visible through the airport’s glass windows was beautiful.

"Here we are.”

Beckman pointed to one of the gates.

The destination was—Amoc[AMOC], a resort area.

Johanna paused for a moment She spoke to the back of Shion, who was about to enter first

“It brings back old memories.”

He turned around to look at her.

"Was it 15 years ago?”

Johanna briefly counted the years.

It felt like she had been running wild like a mustang, and now her old memories were fading.

“I think that was the first time I saw you."

"Yes?”

He blinked in surprise, as if to ask what she was talking about.

My lord. I haven’t been by your side for that long-”

"You were just a Chaser. You didn’t know what you had to do, nor did you know what your purpose was. You were a raw gem overflowing with talent."

Johanna smiled as she remembered those times.

“I was the same. I didn’t know what to do, nor did I know what my purpose was. We were both young. Clumsy.”

Suddenly, his expression hardened.

Being quick-witted, he must have caught the meaning of her words.

"You were the first to let me feel what it’s like to have ‘subordinates’.”

Johanna took a step closer to him.

"Since I’ve watched you the longest, I already knew that you were changing.”

Shion Ascal looked at her.

"At some point... I knew you were changing."

But to Johanna, he still had Beckman’s face.

"Yet, I wanted to trust you.”

She was sincere.

She wanted to trust him.

In the end, she didn't want to discard the time she had spent with Beckman.

"You have been my subordinate for the longest time. There’s no doubt about that loyalty.”

He said nothing.

Johanna quietly narrowed her eyes.

I think I may have been too harsh on you.”

Those fluffy days of youth came flooding back.

"There were times when we discussed strategies together, pondered ways to screw over Derek, and did some pretty silly things. Hey, do you remember planning a bungee jump without a cord just to torment Zia?"

A very small smile touched the corners of Beckman's lips.

Surely he must have recalled it fondly as well.

"Let me correct that."

She pulled out the ticket from within her coat.

"To me, your worth was significant."

It was the 'exif ticket she had just received from some guy.

"So.

The destination, Beckman[BECKMAN].

“I might not dislike the name written on this ticket."

The implication that she did not dislike his name.

That it couldn’t be possible.

Beckman stood there, looking at her in a daze.

"I’ll go ahead.”

She walked on, brushing past Beckman, towards the opposite gate.

Beckman watched her retreating figure, his gaze distant

This time, he didn’t hold her back. He didn’t wish for anything.

But—

“Johanna, my lord.”

He called out the name of his lord.

Johanna turned to look at him as she stood in front of the gate.

He placed his hand on his face.

Click - he removed the mask.

He had returned from Shion to Beckman once again.

With that, he said everything without words.

Beckman.”

Johanna nodded.

She turned back around and walked towards [Beckman].

One step, another step.

Into the gate.

Johanna boarded the plane. It was so small and quaint that one might wonder if it could really take flight There was no one else inside.

She took a seat by the window.

Resting her chin on her hand, she looked out the window.

She felt regret.

Perhaps, my indifference led you to your downfall.

All you wanted was a bit of attention, a single warm word.

If only I had treasured you a little more.

—Rustle.

There was a stir in the seat next to her. Johanna turned to look and was startled.

It was Shion Ascal.

"Let’s go together.”

But, is this guy really Shion Ascal?

Could it be Beckman again this time?

She was dizzy with such doubts and held back a sneer.

"Hmm.

She watched him attentively as he buckled his safety belt.

“I’m canceling the hang glider.”

He tilted his head in confusion.

"Think of it as me not keeping a promise.”

Johanna crossed her arms. She looked out the window at the vast blue sea.

"However, it doesn’t seem right to enjoy a vacation after losing a long-time comrade."

"AhHaha.”

He smiled instead.

"Yes. I understand. Let’s start with the safety belt”

Johanna raised her eyebrows and fastened her safety belt.

I’m sorry for being so inadequate.”

"What?"

She asked back, surprised by his sudden remark.

He faced Johanna and replied.

"Beckman asked me to tell you. He's sorry for being inadequate, for being so insufficient."

Johanna let out a hollow laugh. Her mouth felt bitter. It was a strange taste, so she spoke it out loud.

"Like him. I was also inadequate.”

And with that, she closed her eyes.

Just then, the plane took off.

As it rose with a hum, Johanna leaned against the seat next to her.

Quietly, she fell asleep.

...An hour ago.

I saw Beckman. After sending Johanna off, he sat in the airport lounge, staring blankly into space.

Like a businessman who had suffered a tremendous failure, like a man who had lost his beloved, he sat motionless.

I approached and took the seat next to him.

"Why didn't you go after her?”

It was a question.

Beckman could have easily forced her to stay if he wanted to.

Honestly, it was quite an unexpected scenario.

Beckman turned to look at me without a word, his eyes now devoid of the will to kill.

“I thought you were dead."

The words that came out were rather murderous.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Even death should be doubted if you’re a Balancer.”

“...If you hadn’t been there.”

Beckman muttered a threatening phrase, a cliche line fit for a villain.

"If only you hadn’t been there...”

However, there was no malice in his voice, only resignation and surrender.

Perhaps, it was envy.

I shook my head.

"Mr. Beckman, may I speak frankly?

Beckman glared at me silently.

It meant to go ahead.

"Even if I hadn’t been there, Mr. Beckman, you would have done the same thing."

The future is what it is.

The cause of Beckman's rampage was ultimately not me, but ‘Johanna', who failed to give him human emotions.

"And..."

Additionally, I didn’t know how this kidnapping was going to play out.

Before my regression, I had only seen the phrase [Johanna was kidnapped by Beckman], with no specific information anywhere.

Because.

“In a world without me, Johanna would have killed you.”

In a world without me, Johanna would have escaped on her own.

In a world without me, Johanna was not as weak as she is now.

As a more vicious, meticulous, and cruel sociopath, Johanna would not have been swayed by the mere illusion of a barrier and would have certainly killed Beckman.

“...You speak as if you're from the future."

Beckman seemed incredulous at my certainty.

I extended my hand to him.

"Let's go. Let's go and pay for our sins.”

The Johanna of now might forgive him a little.

So-

"No. I’ll stay here.”

“...what?”

It was slightly surprising to me, but Beckman's eyes were resolute. It seemed his heart had already taken root

"This is the world where I was with my lord.”

He explained his reasons in his own way.

“I held her hand."

The attention he had never received in the many years of his service.

"We looked into each other’s eyes."

A gaze that was not cold.

“I also saw a beautiful smile."

Or, perhaps, tender emotions.

Beckman had felt it all.

Even if the feelings were not directed at him, even if they were only superficial...

“...I want to stay here.”

He turned it all into memories.

Memories that he didn’t want to send away, memories that he didn’t want to leave, memories of happiness.

I looked at him.

Sometimes, people who are too sincere become too deviated.

Therefore, there is no need to pity him.

No one in this world has the right to sympathize with him.

He is someone who committed sins on his own and is trying to pay for them by himself.

"Yes.”

I stood up from my seat

"Hey.”

Beckman called out to me with a relieved tone.

"Can you make her happy?

Happiness.

That word feels a bit foreign to me.

I turned to look at him.

He faced me with a faint smile.

"Mr. Beckman.”

The abstract notion of happiness, I cannot give that to Johanna.

However...

"I am a regressor.”

Suddenly, Beckman’s expression softened. It was as if he was looking at a madman for the first time in a long while.

I continued resolutely.

"Before I regressed, Lady Johanna had lost in the succession battle and was imprisoned for the crime of killing tens of thousands of people. She had to live out her life in the most brutal Recordark.”

Before the regression, Johanna's future was bleak. At the very least, it was far from happiness. After all, she had been betrayed by everyone she had ever commanded.

"Now, that won’t happen."

That future would disappear.

Having become aware of her emotions, she would start to question all her actions.

She would feel the pain in everything she had done as naturally as breathing.

Eventually, she would give up the succession.

“...That’s preposterous.”

I left my own version of the truth as a final gift, but he looked utterly unconvinced.

I suppose that's to be expected.

If I were him and someone said ‘I’m a regressor too,' I’d think they were insane.

"Go. I’m sorry for everything.”

Beckman waved his hand.

"Don’t send her off alone.”

I bowed silently. I stepped towards the gate that Johanna had passed through.

“...I’m shameless to ask.”

Beckman’s voice followed from behind.

"Could you pass on a message... that I’m sorry for being so inadequate?”

I didn’t turn back.

The sky reflected in the airport windows was a clear blue. It was too serene a scene for a barrier that would soon close.

And so, I boarded the plane.

Inside the empty cabin, there was just one person sitting.

She was looking out the window, seemingly lost in thought, but I sat down next to her.

She flinched and turned to look at me.

Johanna, somehow, had a richer expression on her face.

I said to her.

"Let's go together.”