Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu

Arc 6 Chapter 16 "Remnants of Chewing"

― The sound of something breaking, only the consciousness continued to hear endlessly.

Bones were being chewed, gray matter being crushed, eyeballs cracking as liquid overflowed from them.

Cranium, the head’s bones were being crushed. Blocking what was inside, that important part was thoroughly defeated by the pressure of sharp fangs, and it was clear that it was all turning into a pulpy mess.

Gray matter and spinal fluid flowed out together, mixing with an unknown yellow liquid pooling on the forehead, where blood vessels tore like thin mesh and red blood gushed forth. With all of that coming together, consciousness and memory transformed into flesh-colored vomit.

Pain, there is pain. Stifling, too.

It felt like a cracking headache - and thinking so, the consciousness bitterly smiled.

The pain from being shattered is not what it’s about.

There was nothing left to break, and everything important was already smashed. Besides, even when the part that feels pain has collapsed, what is left to say?

The brain that accumulates memory flowed out, the organs used for thinking collapsed, the parts necessary for maintaining life in the first place, were severed from the root. Do you know what happens, when that happens?

Once that is the case, humans will meet "death".

So, naturally, him too――.

__________________________

Ram: "――rusu. Barusu. Get yourself together."

Beaten up and grabbed by the scruff of the neck, the intensely muddled consciousness was forcefully brought into light. The first thing he felt when returning was someone’s voice close to his ears scolding him with a stern face. Not only was the sound of a trembling voice, but also a slight feeling on his face as if it had been slapped.

Ram: "Barusu, if you don’t get up, I will burn off your eyelids."

Subaru: "――hk"

As the sleeping mind heard those dreadful statements, his consciousness rapidly rose to the surface . As the voice called and dragged it out of that dark world, consciousness passed through a suffocating environment that appeared like the surface of water. And so, opening his eyelids before they get burned,

Ram: "- Barusu, did you get up?"

Subaru: "----"

Immediately he encountered Ram’s face in front, who narrowed her light crimson eyes. His breathing came back, her face was so close that he could touch her lips if he raised his mouth a bit. Of course, it does not mean that such colorful circumstances could exist. The reason Ram was leaning down so close was because the surroundings were so dark that they couldn’t see each other’s faces unless they looked very closely, that was there was to it.

When he became aware of Ram in front of him, his sense of touch started to come back from the bottom up. Fine particles of sand rolled out from atop his body. Subaru had been lying spread-eagled on the sand sea.

With a breath, air leaked out of Subaru’s mouth, and Ram seemed to stare deep into his eyes for a short moment, and then slowly with the other hand she shined a lantern on his body. From the girl’s hand, an orange light tore through the darkness, and Subaru understood that he was still trapped in the labyrinth of sand―― No, he understood he had “Returned by death”.

Subaru: "I am....."

Looking around the darkness, Subaru gradually remembered what happened.

The shock at the moment of "death" was always vivid, and there was no sign that shaking off the memories was at all something he had gotten used to. Immersed in the trembling memory field, he struggled to remember the meaning of his certain “death”, and Subaru’s last moments grazed past his fingertips as he remembered it.

Subaru: "____"

His mind recollected the awful situation, as the lantern illuminated Ram’s expression of hatred. And then, although they had a history of insults and abuse to begin with, there was no meaning behind the murder that led to that miserable end.

Subaru: "Ubu ......"

Ram: "Barusu?"

Making a confused face in front of Ram, Subaru involuntarily puts his hand over his mouth.

Remembering the reality of Ram’s death just a couple of minutes ago and the desire to scream―― was not it. Actually, facing Ram and reliving his gruesome last moments, he wanted to vomit.

Subaru: “Ooog, eh, gh--”

For Subaru, his "deaths" had already exceeded the number that could be counted by the fingers on both hands. And in this world with "Return by death", it could be said that the experience of losing a close friend like Emilia or Beatrice was the same as his own “death”.

However, for Subaru, he never got used to “death”. For his own, or the "death" of someone else is equally the same. The fear of being dead himself or thinking that someone in his family might die, tores his heart.

- Indeed, in the last loop, the tragedy of Ram"s brutal death was a shock he experienced for the first time.

He had seen her figure being torn by the belly, breaking her neck, having her whole body mercilessly slashed, and then dying.

Each death was full of anguish and grief, and Subaru can’t compare people’s deaths lining them up side by side. It doesn’t feel right. However, it was the first time his head was crushed, chewed down and smashed.

He also saw Ram"s beautiful face being crushed by fangs without mercy. That was also a tragedy done in the hands of Patrasche, who was also one of the most trusted beings for Subaru.

Subaru: "....... “

Being desperate was not the same as remembering. The more he tried to forget Ram’s miserable end... the clearer the pink hair and the remnants of the head that remained in the mouth of the earth dragon, gets engraved in Subaru’s head.

As a result, it was not possible to get over the urge to vomit, so Subaru turned toward the sand. However, his throat and stomach have not recovered from the impact of "Return by death", they just clamped and wouldn’t obey Subaru"s will.

Subaru: "Hey, oh! ...!

Ram: "...... Is this just because you woke up suddenly? Miserable."

Tackling the ground, desperately trying to vomit the contents of his stomach, nothing came out. He was surprised because his throat was dry and not even a drop of saliva came out.

He couldn"t see Ram’s expression looking at him with a lantern, but the surprised tone in her voice was easily conveyed.

Naturally, the coldness reminded him of events just before that "death". The passion that led to the murderous intent was rising for no reason, and the abuse that spewed out in the beginning and joined the violent passion, the impulse that drove to the urge inside the chest, it became dreadful.

However,

Ram: "- Don’t bite"

Subaru: "-hk"

In a word, the preamble Ram sat down beside Subaru and lifted up his chin. The kneeling Subaru was surprised for a moment, Ram opened Subaru’s mouth, with the same uninterested look as always― then thrusted her white fingers onto the back of Subaru’s throat.

Subaru: ".........”

Ram: "I knew that Barusu’s unskillfullness was hard-core, but this is just like a baby."

Having someone else’s fingers entering his throat, Subaru felt like his esophagus was being rudely violated.

But then, the stomach and throat, which had resisted vomiting until then, gave a new surprise. This time it desperately began to push out the gastric juice and saliva all together.

With tearful eyes, Subaru gets rid of his urge to vomit on the sand by letting out the stomach’s content. He only spit out gastric juice and drool, but it was still much better than it was before vomiting.

Subaru: "Eh, bastard ...... ha, bad ... Well, ok, okay ... oh ..."

Ram: "So? I"m glad that you seem satisfied."

Subaru: "You......."

Subaru wiping his mouth with a sleeve, Ram shrugs her shoulders and returns to her usual childish attitude.

Despite her attitude, it was true that she was guilty of treating him like a baby. There was no room to argue that, and Ram’s palm was still gently stroking Subaru"s back.

It was hard to understand, her bitter affection.

Subaru: "The hand, it’s all right. More than that, this place......"

Ram: "You remember that the barrier got broken and the sandy sea cracked in front of us? That swallowed our dragon carriage there, and as a result we got thrown in here."

Ram threw out her conjectures while Subaru looked at the surroundings. Subaru was hesitant to decide whether to embrace the relief or anxiety for the continuation of the "Return by death" in response to her remark.

However, in either case, action must be taken quickly. According to that judgment, trying to keep up with the words - "When you awoke in the underground, did Barusu worry about Rem? What about Emilia? What about Beatrice-sama? Did you worry about someone you did not find?"

Subaru: "――"

What revitalized his mind was those sharp and depressed words of Ram"s. The discord that invited the last events - the situation where friends killed each other, was obviously abnormal. He must come back to his senses, but he can hardly return to himself recalling the situation. In the first place, the trick was abnormal. The accumulation of negative emotions was amplified to the extent that it became so absurd to the point of killing each other in a bloody fight.

Ram: "Barusu?"

Ram tilts her head at Subaru’s state as his words don’t come out.

The last time they talked, that abnormal situation followed suit. But of course, there was no meaning in being concerned about the words Ram said in such a state. ―But it was inaccurate to say that everything said was a lie.

The fact is that Subaru felt that Ram’s dissatisfaction or indignation was not fake but true, even though it was amplified to the extent that it was abnormal. Not everything was untrue.

Then, it was true that Subaru"s attitude seemed like he didn’t worry about Emilia and the others, and Ram had held some grudge at his wording. If consideration was given to that feeling, Subaru should be worried about Emilia here in any shape.

Actually, he was worried, so it wasn’t a lie to act that way. However, he just knew that he couldn’t do anything about what he was worried about.

Subaru: "――"

In the meantime, Subaru realized deception should be packed in words. He knew it was necessary to avoid a discussion, but still hesitated to deceive Ram by lying. Calculatively worrying about his peers and deceiving others― disgusting. Naturally, that’s hard to swallow. Because that"s how you get someone’s displeasure, because it means nothing to some extent.

Subaru: "That...... Everyone......."

Ram: "――It is useless to blame yourself so much, there is no point in pursuing what you are not responsible for... There should be something to give priority over wasting time like that."

However, before Subaru could speak his words of worry, Ram reached her own conclusion on Subaru"s feelings. That being said, she had misread the expression of Subaru, who had a serious face. It was rare to see through Ram"s heart with her erroneous words and actions, which was evidence that she was impatient.

Ram: "Besides, we"ve already wasted time with Barusu’s vomiting."

Of course, Ram never displays such threatening behaviour of her own heart. Subaru was lost in judgment as to what to make of Ram’s attitude, who could be very stubborn. After that, Ram moved first without saying anything. While she wiped the finger which was thrusted into Subaru"s mouth, she turned the lantern toward the back of the labyrinth.

Ram: "We can’t stay here, I need to be with Rem and... and we have to join up with Emilia-sama."

Subaru: "I know....here, where is this place?"

Ram: "Besides Ram and Barusu, ah... it seems like you came back."

Ram turns back, and following her words and gaze, coming from the other side of the labyrinth were Anastasia and Patrasche with a shaking light, fluctuating and swaying. Subaru"s eyes shook slightly, as he saw the jet black dragon mixed in the dark.

The glamorous and ferocious beautiful face that was illuminated by the flickering orange light.

A row of fangs like blades that could be seen in the closed mouth, crushed the girl"s head, and even Subaru himself all of a sudden―.

Those things can’t happen normally.

Subaru: "Idiot, I am ... ... no, I"m stupid"

Clenching his teeth, Subaru tried to push back his fear. In that abnormal situation, the directed murderous intention couldn’t be real. For Subaru, the experience of being killed by Patrasche was carved into his heart as a scar that could not be healed. Still, Subaru should have repeatedly confronted the existence that killed him.

Subaru: “Yeah, even Rem and Ram, at first ....."

But now Ram and Rem, have become very close. Subaru remembered the dedicated support they gave him and forgave them. At first the relationship was at its worst, there were times when his life was targeted and he was deprived.

Compared to that, it’s a good thing that those previous events were not true.

Subaru: "Yes, that"s right... that should be,"

He embraced his shoulders and grabbed his skin as if he was feeling the cold. In the basement of the sand sea, this place dominated by sand and darkness, it was certainly cold. However, the reason for feeling cold was different from that of outside.

Anastasia: "―Natsuki-kun, you seem to have woken up"

Ram:"―Thanks. So, how is the surrounding?"

In the front, Ram and Anastasia were talking. He should be able to find a balance between the strategy of this labyrinth of sand based on the information he got today. Originally, Subaru had blended in there and there were many things he had to say. But even now, the priority was to calm his mind and to stop the shaking of his knees.

With "Returning by death", he should have left behind the events and impacts immediately before "death". But even if you try to quench it, fear emerges and the passion of that moment revives.

Subaru kept endlessly resisting to disperse those feelings.

Subaru: "――"

In such a state, Subaru was looking at the lonely jet-black earth dragon.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

―The heart of Subaru which should have "Returned by death" has not returned to its original state.

Apart from such circumstances, the contents of the exploration of the four underground labyrinths time loops were almost identical.

In search of others, the group headed by Subaru slowly moved in the cold darkness. With the lantern lighting up a small area, the journey is slow and frustrating, while the rest of the roadside was drenched in shadows.

"――"

Truth be told, Subaru wants to omit the road selection. For Subaru, this had been the way he’d gone twice already. There was no way Emilia and the rest were strolling in the area that he could see. If it was said that it did not mean to appeal to two people at the back, omitting himself and not speaking up was impossible.

As a result, it was not even settled at all, and even as the frustrating march upped its pace, Subaru’s impatience only rose as time went by.

Anastasia: "Everyone else is probably okay... in our case, we’re just barely in luck to have Patrasche-chan here."

Subaru & Ram: "――――"

Anastasia: "If you think about a situation without any ride, it’s hell for men in this sand sea. Anxiety is normal due to insufficient battle strength..."

Subaru & Ram: "――――"

Anastasia: "At worst, I will not hesitate to make use of my trump card, but I"m afraid it will eat up Anastasia"s lifetime. So let me rely on the two of you?"

Subaru & Ram: "――――"

Anastasia: "... .... Hey! Would both Natsuki-sama and Ram-san care to talk? Well, for a little while I am the only one talking."

As their exploration expanded, Anastasia chatted continuously as she indicated her crossness. Subaru stopped and looked back at her complaints about the silent environment. Anastasia then brightened up her face, taking a deep breath,

Subaru: "Well, we’ve run out of things to talk about... for now we are sort of desperate to find the other guys. I don"t have time to chatter uselessly."

Anastasia: "There"s no twaddle or anything. I"m talking to you about the future plan. And, it is usually Natsuki-kun"s role that the chat continues. Only now, it is quiet, the two girls...... No, us four’s anxieties are going up."

Subaru: "Four, huh."

As Subaru pouts his lips, Anastasia doesn’t lose her will to fight.

The “two girls” referred to Ram and Anastasia, but if you rephrased them as four people it would be the result of adding Echidona and Patrasche. Strictly because of the Anastasia = Echidona state, it is a scene to paraphrase with three people― but it is not a problem to correct in the first place.

Subaru: "――"

Subaru thinks, narrowing his black eyes at Anastasia, who is puffing her cheeks.

The real Anastasia is dormant, and only now she appeared as Scarf dona. Even so, her behavior had become so familiar, it seemed as if she had blended in. It is unfortunate that neither Subaru nor Ram held the initiative to see her true intentions from her expression or behavior.

―In the discord that culminated last time in killing each other, though the thing about Ram and Patrasche was conscious because of the enormity of the endings, Anastasi’s attitude was also discomforting.

Ram"s enmity and Patrasche"s attack, the two who apparently had gone crazy, were easy to understand.

However, it was hard to judge whether Anastasia had fallen into insanity at first sight, and he didn’t know what was in her mind until the last moment.

Of course, due to the difference in strength, Anastasia was killed by Ram, but the cunningness was not a thing to worry about, such as concealing a knife in an emergency bag or making a pretense to seize it. Normally, you have to be unconscious to be caught off guard and killed in a strange way.

Subaru: "......Do whatever."

――To think, have they always been hostile to him?

Subaru: "――"

Facing ahead, Subaru hit himself hiding from Ram and Anastasia.

His mouth was cut with just one punch without a miss, and he felt a sharp pain as his tongue tasted blood.

Then he would hurt himself to dispel the cloudiness of his consciousness.

Ram and Anastasia, they are not acting abnormally.

It was Subaru who was not able to let go of the abnormality now.

Subaru: "Great, It"s funny that I can"t understand myself, just shivering"

Has he gone crazy or is everyone else insane?

Subaru had become a little haughty, so everything except him was wrong.

Ultimately, of course, it was all a mistake. Straying himself, Subaru arrogantly decided that he was right, acting like a fool denying the surroundings.

Finally, he was told that he was wrong, it was pointed out from the beginning that he could acknowledge it. It"s an accurate, vivid memory...

However, the current Subaru acknowledges its abnormality in normalcy.

It"s terrible not being able to tame the abnormality, so much that it"s dreadfully horrible.

At this point, Subaru remembers. This desolate sensation in his heart, where the loneliness drives into craving madness. This was the horizon that the madman, Petelgeuse Romanee Conti had reached. Being aware of his own madness, recognizing his abnormality simply, this was the view that Madman saw.

Ram: "Barusu, what"s wrong?"

While he was feeling disgusting empathy, Ram’s voice fell on trembling Subaru"s back. Subaru swallowed the blood mixed with saliva and looked back at those two, acting like nothing happened.

Subaru: "Nothing, just sand in my shoes makes me feel uncomfortable."

Ram: “Barusu being silent in particular, Ram"s heart doesn’t care even a bit, but behind Anastasia-sama’s words, there is also a reason.”

Subaru: "What?"

Ram: "Even if it’s you who are silent, holding back something won’t ease a woman’s anxiety. If you want to do that, then hide it better."

Subaru: "――"

Subaru once again bends his lips to those words.

The meaning of Ram"s words was obvious, it couldn’t be mistaken. Then he also noticed that Ram’s words were translations of Anastasia"s hard to understand words. It seemed as if he was being seen through, and his heart rather began to scatter.

Subaru: "It"s vague, I don’t think I can explain by saying it..."

Ram: "It is too bad that the meaning of Barusu"s words are not understandable now. If you"re worried about something, you should pay more attention to it.”

Anastasia: "Ram-san is really an unforgiving opponent for Natsuki-kun."

Tutting at Subaru’s words, Ram’s usual sharp tongue strikes back. With bitterness and sharpness close to being poisonous, Anastasia gives a bitter smile. To Anastasia’s calm composure, Ram shrugged her shoulders,

Ram: "Please be relieved, Barusu is pretty happy, cause he’s a pervert who enjoys suffering."

Subaru: "What the hell are you talking about? Why on earth are you judging on what I am? Don’t turn me into a punching bag so freely, okay? you know? The only one you can hit, is a guy who"s ready to hit you?"

Ram: "Hmph"

Snorting her nose, Ram’s attitude of making a fool out of a fool is almost her usual self.

Unlike Subaru"s mood, her already being able to return to her self-indulgent self was envious. Enviously being envious or just hateful, he feels disgusted just thinking about her.

However, even though they are having the usual chit-chats, the color of disturbing shadows would soon be diluted.

Subaru: "Explaining something that is difficult to explain... I am just a little paranoid now."

"――"

When he said it again, it sounded more futile than he had imagined.

It’s also worth mentioning that Ram and Anastasia may act surprised in response to that.

"――"

Looking at it, Patrasche seemed to be somewhat amazed.

For Patrasche, who is clever and able to discern the reason behind things, it is possible that she sees Subaru as weak minded now. Rather, if she quits being with Subaru and starts serving a proper lord it would be way better for her.

Actually, he felt like even Ram and Anastasia were better at handling Patrasche. If she thinks that he was an obstacle for that, it is natural to peel her tusks into Subaru―

Subaru: "Stop, stop it..."

Anastasia: "I understand it was more serious than how stupid it sounded when put it into words."

Anastasia evaluates Subaru, who was staring at Patrasche and was gradually getting swayed. When it was realized that the reason was ridiculous, relief and anxiety simultaneously increased. It was like the girls had excluded Subaru from their choices... Before that happens, still―.

Subaru: "I, am a really bad person"

Anastasia: “This, perhaps it would be easier if we seriously tied him up and carried him, no?”

Turning his face red or making it pale, Anastasia threw a spoon at Subaru who was making faces. Ram curls her eyebrow thinking “However” about Anastasia"s observation.

Ram: "Even if we do tie up Barusu’s hands and legs, it won’t be a fundamental solution."

Subaru: "Do not use such words that you might make an enemy out of me."

Ram: "It"s not that of a big deal, but I don"t want to turn Ram into an enemy of Emilia-sama and Beatrice-sama....... I won’t be able to face Rem again."

Thinking about Ram, Subaru struggles not to harbour any hostility against her. While fighting with such emotions, there was in fact a good thing.

In reality, that isn’t something to think about in this situation.

However, making a journey to explore the Pleiades Watchtower, in the labyrinth of sand twice going through "Return by death" till now, a question which has to be asked,

―When it comes to Rem, Ram reacts awfully sensitively.

Subaru: "――"

Of course for Subaru it’s a good sign that Ram cares about Rem.

For Rem, who is erased from everyone"s memory other than Subaru, only Subaru has a bond with her. Although, it certainly brings a special feeling in Subaru, but it does not bring any meaning in a practical sense.

As for the isolated circumstances of Rem, Ram is trying to get closer to her family as much as possible.

Of course, no memory of Rem is left in her, that’s the sad fact he came to know over the past year. On the other hand, however, there is no doubt that Ram accepts the existence of another girl like herself, Rem, more heavily than "the truth informed by Subaru".

And apparently those feelings were so much so "that was beyond Subaru’s imagination", perhaps the actual feelings were being brought back to Ram.

That can be seen from the explosion of discontent in the previous labyrinth loop ― which triggered the outburst for Subaru"s lack of consideration.

She could not remember. Yet, Ram’s feelings were comparable to what he could remember.

The feeling was deeper than what Subaru thought.

― But in reality, is it only that?

Ram: "... It’s unpleasant"

Subaru: "No, it"s disgusting. Not even that. It’s damn paranoia!"

Ram: "Have you gotten yourself up on a pedestal? There"s no use."

Subaru: "If I am on a pedestal, aren’t you taking yourself on a god-level pedestal and looking down on others?"

Thus, it is safe to say that the relationships have not changed from usual.

Even though the mood changes instantaneously and the warm feelings turn into cold hearted hostility.

Only at that time, you could hate someone.

Anastasia: "If you look carefully, Natsuki-kun’s behaviour....what should be the cause?"

Ram: "Did you also notice that Anastasia-sama?"

Anastasia: "Well, it seems that Natsuki-kun is obviously affected to some extent. I think."

Because of the circumstances, Subaru was being invaded by the paranoia of suspecting anything and everything, Ram and Anastasia looked at each other as if they were getting some hint. Rather, only Subaru knew the real reason. With both of their perceptions, they were becoming even more cautious.Alas, while speaking so, it was clear that Subaru"s every move was being carefully observed to an extent that it was getting annoying.

Subaru: "Annoying......huh, how foolish."

Anastasia: "Did you say something?"

Subaru: "Just my stupidity. Therefore, what do you think?"

While puzzling the minds in their own sensitivity, Ram and Anastasia were also getting puzzled.Then, in response to Subaru"s question, they turned ahead together.

Being lured by the development looking forward, they could definitely understand what he said.

―The crossroads have appeared in front of the eyes.

Anastasia: "I felt the disgusting wind flowing from a while ago, but... now I realized the source."

Ram: "This bad wind invokes discord. As Meili described it, Barusu’s body odor seems to summon demon beasts. And by nature, the affinity is bad... No, I wonder if it’s better."

Subaru: “Do you understand what this disgusting feeling is?”

Ram: "Barusu’s present condition and if Barusu’s body odor multiplies the factor by many times, the answer would be the same."

Subaru: "Don’t say body odor so many times!"

In the past two loops, they unanimously agreed on the subject of "bad feeling". Then, Subaru’s current physical condition and present circumstances were intertwined. Thus a different opinion was born.

Ram and Anastasia looked at each other and nodded together,

Ram & Anastasia: "Miasma."

Subaru: "The Witch’s, huh. Then, going ahead would mean... "

Anastasia: "Though I"m not sure, it is a well-known fact that there is a "Witch"s shrine" beyond the sand dunes. Oh, and since the sand sea distorsion is solvable, even if it was connected by some accident.....”

Ram: "It turned out to be an unexpected shortcut, or something like that.Therefore...”

The miasma caused their souls to become corrupted and stirred up a discord that ended up in killing each other.

On top of that, the possibility of that statement’s existence, Anastasia smiles bitterly and points at the way.

The crossroads splitting into two, miasma drifting from the right and the centaur’s nest on the left.

Of course, about the threats lurking in the left road, he intended to cleverly speak after this ― but for the time being, which way should they go?

Anastasia: "So, which way do you think is the right answer?"

At Anastasia"s question, Subaru and Ram looked away from each other.

But their voices had joined together unintentionally when said.

Subaru & Ram: "―Left"

That was the case.