Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu

Volume 4, Chapter 63 [An Empathy Towards Death]

The sounds of amethyst shards piercing into flesh rang out in quick succession, as a mist of glittering fragments dispersing from the impact drowned out the hall.

Countless spears shot towards Elsa’s body from every direction, and she would have been punctured with a million pores.

“Victory is assured”. But even as he watched the murderer being crushed under the overwhelming power of Beatrice’s magic, he couldn’t stifle the ominous feeling exploding inside his chest.

――What was it, what was it that he had forgotten? There was something that he mustn’t forget.

What could it be? Even as he tried to pry it from his memories, the cascade of emotions turned him away.

Just what was Elsa’s goal in coming to the Mansion? After finding Frederica’s body, his shame of having suspected her had thrown his heart into disarray. He had never quite accepted Petra’s death, nor could he suppress his anxiousness to confirm Rem’s safety behind the door. All these emotions screamed from the depths of his being. And Beatrice―― what was it that he needed to tell Beatrice?

What was it? Subaru couldn’t find the answer to the question confounding his heart.

[Subaru: ――――]

And so, he missed the opportunity to prevent what he should have prevented.

[Subaru: ――egh, ah?]

An object flew out of the glistening radiance, and dug deep into Subaru’s right shoulder.

Looking towards the source of the pain, his thoughts turned red hot as he saw the blood pouring from the gash. His throat shrieked as if he was being strangled as the projectile’s momentum pushed him off his feet, flat onto the floor.

[Beatrice: How……!? That was a direct hit I suppose!?]

Seeing the wounded Subaru, Beatrice cried out in shock.

Hearing Beatrice’s cry beneath his scorching thoughts, it was only then that he remembered. He remembered it. Yes. It was a direct hit. There was no doubt about it. But,

[Subaru: ELSAAAAAA!!]

[Elsa: No need to cry out so passionately, I can hear you just fine]

From his hatred, inflamed by the pain, it was a rupturing scream unlike the shriek from before. And, in reply, amidst the falling crystals at the other end of the hallway―― an alluring, unhurried voice answered, with no indication of the life or death exchange that had just transpired.

[Beatrice: She’s uninjured… how’s that possible]

[Elsa: If I was naked, I’d have probably died from that]

Watching Beatrice shake her head in disbelief, Elsa replied with her french braid swaying. Nothing about her looked like she had just taken a direct hit from Beatrice’s magic. In fact, she appeared exactly as she did before.

Except, there was just one difference. She had cast off her feathered cloak, and was now only wearing the black outfit underneath.

[Subaru: Her magic-nullifying cloak!]

[Elsa: It’s already the second time you got to see it. Too bad you’re a bit late to tell that girl about it]

[Subaru: Shit……!]

No single word could sufficiently express his regret as rage boiled beneath his pain.

Elsa’s cloak had the ability to cancel one magical strike. ――That was something he had personally witnessed during their showdown inside the Capital.

The fact that Beatrice’s strike came so suddenly, combined with their lack of coordination beforehand, had all led to this unforgivable blunder.

[Beatrice: Now that I know your trick, it’s not so surprising anymore]

[Elsa: ――Wonderful. Oh just wonderful. Such strength, and so adorable. Unlike some girl who only knows how to whimper and cry, I am very much looking forward to the warmth of your bowels]

Beatrice’s aura intensified once more as Elsa twirled the Kukri-knife in her hand and smiled. From her words, accompanied by her bloodied smile―― it was obvious who “the whimpering girl” was referring to. And the instant he realized it, Subaru’s rage erupted.

[Subaru: What gives you the right to talk about Petra like that――!!]

The throwing knife jutting out of his right shoulder―― was hooked at the tip to hinder its removal. Yet, gritting his teeth at the object buried in his flesh, Subaru tore it out in a single stroke.

Intense pain dyed his vision true-red, and he could feel his right arm being crippled of its functionality. And then, ignoring his injury, Subaru hurled the dislodged knife back at Elsa.

Though he had thrown it with all his strength, it was still a haphazard throw with no prior training.

The fact that it flew straight towards Elsa was already half a miracle, and the same went for its speed. But it was obvious that such an attack would have no effect on a murderer with agility beyond human comprehension.

[Elsa: I admire your spirit, but if this is all y――]

[Subaru: I’ll wring out every drop! SHAMAC――!!]

[Elsa: ――!?]

As Elsa readied for the incoming attack, the third Shamac escaped Subaru’s trembling throat.

Drawing out the last of his body’s exhausted mana after his first and second casts, Subaru expelled his life force through his inexperienced gate as payment for his chant.

Blood shot through his eyes and leaked from his nose. And then, the scream of his soul was answered.

Darkness spread through the center of the hallway, filling the space between him and Elsa. The knife that Subaru had thrown flew into the jet of smoke. Shooting through the obscuring darkness, it stayed its course towards Elsa―― its trajectory shielded from view.

[Subaru: Please hit――!]

[Elsa: You startled me there, but it’s not hard to just step out of the way]

Elsa threw in a complaint as she lowered her body to dodge out of its path.

Subaru’s Shamac fell short of reaching her, and thus allowed her to evade at the last moment.

Flying out of the smokescreen, the small knife missed its original owner’s body and continued down towards the end of the hall. And, just like that, Subaru’s attack ended in vain――or so it seemed, when,

[Subaru: Beako!!]

[Beatrice: Don’t just call me that all of a sudden, I suppose――!]

If Subaru had been the only one present, the attack would have ended there.

But there were two people standing against Elsa――and the other girl had already used the time Subaru managed to buy to complete her next chant.

[Beatrice: Now allow me to show you. ――What Dark Magic truly is]

“Wh――”

Was it Subaru or Elsa who tried to say this?

Even that was impossible to tell after Beatrice’s next action.

Clasping her small hands in front of her chest, Beatrice mouthed something under her breath. And, with a single phrase, the world was painted over.

[Beatrice: ――Ul Shamac]

――In a scale completely unlike Subaru’s imitation Dark Magic, genuine “Darkness” enveloped the Mansion.

※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※

When he came to his senses, Subaru was surrounded by pitch blackness.

[Subaru: ――――?]

Actually, even whether he was conscious was uncertain.

Where was he? Was he standing or was he seated? He couldn’t tell at all.

Up, down, left, right, even front or back was vague. Was he inhaling or was he exhaling? Was his blood still flowing? Was his heart still beating? Was he alive? Or was he already dead?

He couldn’t understand a thing. He couldn’t answer any of it. If he was inside his own Shamac, there would still be the sensations at the soles of his feet, and he could at least feel the movements inside his body. Even if he was denied all sensory input, there would still be his sharpened inner awareness to take its place.

But not in this darkness.

Here, it was as if he had dissolved into the shadow, and he couldn’t find himself if he tried.

Was he still in the form of a human? He could no longer be sure. He couldn’t sense the whereabouts of his hands, and so he couldn’t even touch himself to verify. Even if he wanted to check where he was, he wouldn’t know how to tell his legs to walk. What does it mean to walk? What does it mean to check?

――Most of all, just who was he supposed to be?

The line where he stopped and where others began was blurring.

The line where he stopped and where the world began was blurring.

Even the strength to think had melted away. Faded. Vanished.

And just like this, and just like this, and just like this――

The end had come.

The end had.

The end.

[???: ……It’s about time you woke up, I suppose]

With the sound of a dry slap against his cheek, Subaru’s consciousness was pulled back to reality.

He blinked, and groaned at the dazzling brightness piercing his returning vision. Hearing this, the pain that woke him slapped his cheeks again. Left and then right, once on each side.

[Subaru: Hey, you don’t have to keep hitting me!]

[Beatrice: Just wanted to make sure you’re awake. As for the second time, I don’t know why, but it might’ve been reflex, I suppose]

Beatrice tossed him a cursory glance and gave him this disdainful reply, and only then did Subaru realize that he was lying on the floor.

Propping himself up, he checked over his body just to be sure. A sharp pain was throbbing in his right shoulder. Inadvertently looking towards its source, he saw the fresh wound asserting its existence with blood streaming from the gash.

[Subaru: Aaghh, hurts…… couldn’t you’ve kept a bit of that Shamac for me?]

[Beatrice: It’s not that I couldn’t, but that’d only make you temporarily forget the wound, even though it’s still there. Moving it around without actually healing it usually results in death from loss of blood, I suppose]

Listening to Beatrice spell out that grisly possibility, Subaru pressed a hand over the wound and narrowed his eyes, saying [More importantly……], as if having remembered something,

[Subaru: What happened to Elsa? Since you look so relaxed about it… did you get her to retreat?]

[Beatrice: What’re you talking about, I suppose?]

[Subaru: What do you mean what am I talking about? If she’s still around, we can’t be dawdling like this. I mean, sure, your Shamac was way more powerful than mine, but just with that……]

[Beatrice: If you’re really that blind, then I kind of feel sorry for you]

Subaru anxiously furrowed his brows at Beatrice’s baffled remark.

Beatrice might seem optimistic, but that was because she didn’t know Elsa well enough to be afraid. If she only knew that murderer’s depravity, she’d probably be as wary as Subaru.

Reading the thoughts written all over Subaru’s face, this time, Beatrice let out a sigh as though she was truly astounded.

Seeing Subaru grow even more confused, Beatrice took a step to the side,

[Beatrice: If you still don’t understand, just see for yourself, I suppose]

[Subaru: ――u, oah?]

The scene uncovered before his eyes as Beatrice moved out of the way. Taking it in, he let out an involuntary groan.

[Beatrice: You were asking what happened to our terrifying opponent?]

Listening to Beatrice’s triumphant boast, Subaru couldn’t utter a word in reply.

Because, behind her―― hanging from her limbs impaled by violet spears, crucified on the corridor wall, was Elsa’s corpse with an amethyst stake driven through her heart like a vanquished vampire of old.

Corpse――yes, there was no doubt about it. It was a corpse.

[Subaru: She’s…… dead?]

[Beatrice: There’s a hole in her chest, and with that many injuries, if she’s still alive…… she’d be something other than a human]

With a shake of his head, weighed down by fatigue, Subaru got onto his feet.

The moment he stood, he was struck by an intense dizziness as his body tottered. But a hand reached out and gently stopped him from falling.

[Subaru: S-sorry……]

[Beatrice: It’s fine……]

Beatrice turned away, and did not look at him. Consigning some of his weight onto her palm, he dragged his feet towards Elsa’s body.

Elsa’s head hung limply, and her braid had been cut in half by a spear. Seeing her elbows and knees pinned to the wall, the brutality of the sight made him want to avert his eyes. But he still moved closer nonetheless, close enough to feel her breath, so he could check for himself if the murderer had truly breathed her last.

She wasn’t breathing. He reached out his hand and touched her motionless body. It was still warm, but lacked any response unique to living beings. He touched her neck, but there wasn’t the slightest pulse.

And, most importantly, despite being up close against the defenseless Subaru, she didn’t make any attempt to strike.

[Subaru: S-she’s… really dead, then……?]

[Beatrice: How many times are you going to ask that, I suppose]

[Subaru: Knowing what she’s capable of… I can’t breathe easy just like that, you know…… It’s hard to believe… we actually did it……]

Standing in front of Elsa’s lifeless corpse, Subaru stared stupidly at their mirthless victory.

He had always thought of her as an enemy he would need to defeat, but he had never expected Beatrice to take her down single-handedly. Up to now, he had thought that it’d be impossible without Garfiel’s help.

[Subaru: Even Puck and Emilia together couldn’t defeat her…]

[Beatrice: ……If Nii-cha was serious about it, she would’ve been no match for him. And Betty, in this perfect state, couldn’t possibly lose to the likes of a Human, I suppose]

If Puck was serious――that would probably mean turning into that giant lion thing. Indeed, if he had turned into something that could freeze over the world just by existing, even Elsa wouldn’t stand a chance. On top of that, it would seem that Beatrice was a spirit possessing similar powers.

To have lived for four hundred years――there were simply far too many lifetimes between them.

[Subaru: Ri, ght. Rem!]

Now that Elsa’s death was confirmed, Subaru suddenly jolted back towards the bedroom. Even now, Frederica’s body was still fixed to the door.

Carefully taking down her rigid body, Subaru placed his hand on the bloodstained doorknob. He drew in a breath, and gathered the courage to look inside.

Then,

[Subaru: ――Rem]

The girl did not respond to his call.

But, lying on the bed, he could see that Rem was sleeping, her rhythmic breathing unaffected by the carnage that had taken place outside.

Elsa never set foot into this room.

No doubt, it was proof that in guarding this room with her life, Frederica’s persistence had been even greater than the depravity of that murderer.

[Subaru: ……I’m so sorry I doubted you… Frederica…]

Caressing the lovely, sleeping girl’s forehead, Subaru apologized to the woman lying in the hallway once more.

Although, her soul had already departed this world, and Subaru’s words would never reach her.

[Beatrice: So, what now, I suppose?]

[Subaru: We can’t just leave Rem here. And Frederica, and Petra…… we can only ask the Arlam villagers to take care of them]

[Beatrice: You won’t do it yourself? It’d make that girl happier too, I suppose]

[Subaru: If I’m in a position where I could look after Rem myself, I would. But, I can’t. I…… have to take you to the Sanctuary]

Turning around from Rem’s bedside, Subaru met Beatrice’s gaze at the door. The girl gave a light snort,

[Beatrice: And what gave you that idea? Our conversation may have been interrupted, but there’s still the issue to settle between us]

[Subaru: I know. Then my answer is this: ――I’ll never agree to kill you, and I’ll drag you out of this Mansion if I have to. That’s already decided]

[Beatrice: How arrogant. You would ignore Betty’s say in the matter, and just carry out your own intentions. ――Who do you think you are, to make such ludicrous proclamations, I suppose]

[Subaru: If what you told me is what you truly wanted… then I would have considered it]

[Beatrice: ――What’s that supposed to mean]

Beatrice’s voice was quiet, but an intimidating aura pulsed from her words as she spoke. Subaru felt goosebumps racing up his skin, but he quickly shook his head.

[Subaru: I don’t know the details either. But I just feel like there’s still a lot more to what you’re really thinking inside]

[Beatrice: ――Don’t, I suppose]

[Subaru: I’m still in the dark about your relationship to the Sanctuary. What does Echidona’s experimental grounds have to do with you? ……Honestly, I have nothing but bad feelings about this]

[Beatrice: Will you just stop prying?]

[Subaru: I won’t. ……Aside from me, who else is going to bother figuring you out? You’ve only ever shut yourself in that room…]

As if her throat had clogged up, Beatrice lost her words.

Seeing this, Subaru lifted Rem from the bed. He would bring her to Arlam village, and once she’s settled there, he would head to the Sanctuary with Beatrice.

If she could agree to assist him with Door Crossing, that would save them a lot of time, but it was not like he could force her. In that case, it would just be half a day’s journey on Patrasche.

[Subaru: Even if you won’t come to the Sanctuary with me, I’ll ask Roswaal and Lewes-san about you. If possible, I’d like to ask the big-shot herself as well]

As long as Subaru held a genuine yearning in his heart to “know”, the Witch of Greed would answer his call.

This time, he already had far more information than he did before, along with quite a few theories as well. With all the new questions that came with it, he was sure that he’d be accepted into the Dream Citadel.

And when that time comes, he would pry open the secrets of the Sanctuary that everyone had sealed their lips about.

[Subaru: Sooner or later, it’s only a matter of time. Though I can understand why you’d want to delay it as much as you can]

[Beatrice: Just how long do you plan to continue toying with people, I suppose……!]

[Subaru: Toying? I’ve no such……]

[Beatrice: You callously trample on grounds people don’t wish to be trampled on, and even as you throw them into disarray you spew this selfish drivel. There’s a limit to how much of your farce I will tolerate, I suppose. Two people are dead, and you are just going to leave like nothing happened?]

[Subaru: ――――I]

At the end of Beatrice’s rebuke, a look of unbearable pain emerged on Subaru’s face.

Seeing this, Beatrice hesitated for a moment, wondering if she had gone too far. But that doubt was soon replaced by an expression of feigned indifference.

[Subaru: Petra and Frederica…… once I’ve handed Rem to the villagers, I’ll be sure to properly mourn them. And with Petra I… it’s not like I can just stay silent]

He realized as well that these were only excuses, but, turning away so that Beatrice would not see his face, Subaru started walking.

Beatrice’s words had pierced straight into his heart.

Petra and Frederica’s deaths had only strengthened Subaru’s resolve to reset this world. Even with the defeat of Elsa, that achievement came with far too heavy a price. It would simply be too painful to go on in this world.

Here he was, the one telling Beatrice “Not to die”, and yet, what right did he have to say it? You can’t, but I could―― it was truly selfish to the extreme.

[Subaru: Whether you’ll come to the Sanctuary with me or not, let’s just sort out everything at the Mansion first. Then we can pick it up after that]

Passing Beatrice at the doorway, he continued down the hall. Beatrice looked on silently, but quietly indicated that she would follow him.

Since she was forbidden from taking her own life, Beatrice needed someone else to bring about her end. She couldn’t force his hand, and though he had made his intentions clear, she could only follow close behind him.

What a cruel man he was, to knowingly act this way. The thought of it filled him with guilt.

[Subaru: ――oa?]

While wallowing in this self loathing, suddenly, Subaru let out a grunt.

The reason was a light impact. As if a hand pushed on his back, Subaru stumbled forward with Rem in his arms.

Turning around after taking a few steps to regain his balance, he saw that it was Beatrice. Was it revenge for what he had said earlier? But just as he was about to furrow his brows and protest――

[Beatrice: ――a]

The girl softly cried, with a dull gleam jutting out of her chest.

[Subaru: ――e?]

The knife that had entered through her back protruded from her chest, slowly carving out a vertical gash―― from the top of her ribs down to her waist.

Beatrice’s small body shuddered with the motion of the blade.

And Subaru only watched in stupefaction.

[Beatrice: ……it’s]

Softly, Beatrice’s lips murmured something.

She lifted her face to look at the petrified Subaru.

Her expression, and the emotions in her eyes, all seemed to be telling of some excessively grand tale,

[Beatrice: Finally……]

[Subaru: Wait…..]

[Beatrice: ――――a]

Even Subaru himself didn’t know what he was trying to say.

And before her formless emotions could take shape, Beatrice’s voice trailed into a sigh.

With that final sound, Beatrice’s body faded into a faintly shining mass, and, in the blink of an eye, scattered as golden particles of light.

Her delicate body, her cream-colored curls, her charming, impertinent face, and her extravagant, cumbersome, yet perfectly-suiting dress, all vanished into nothing――

[???: ――Oh my, that’s disappointing. It’s my first time cutting open a spirit’s bowels, and it’s already gone]

A step behind where Beatrice had vanished, stood a woman holding her murder weapon in hand.

Subaru could already identify her just from the first sound of her voice. From the first moment, he was certain, yet his mind refused to register what should have been impossible. But, within seconds of seeing it with his own eyes, his awareness recovered as he clenched his teeth.

A tooth shattered with a crack. Tasting blood, locking his glare, he screamed.

[Subaru: ――ELSAAAA!!]

[Elsa: Oh, but what can you do?]

The back of the Kukri-knife crashed into the side of his screaming skull.

The blunt impact instantly shattered into his head as the unstoppable force slammed Subaru’s body against the wall. The only resistance he could muster was to keep Rem from flying out of his arms.

Profuse blood poured from the shattered gap, his eyes went dark and his limbs would not respond to his will to fight on. Yet, even so, Subaru caught Elsa in his strobing vision, tossing the Kukri-knife between her hands.

[Subaru: H..ow……how’re you alive? I checked, I checked and you were dead……!]

[Elsa: Mmhmm, that’s right. I was dead. If I was burned to ash back then, I probably wouldn’t be here right now]

Elsa absently answered the shivering Subaru.

Impaled and crucified, Elsa was certainly dead. She was dead. He was sure of it. But then what was she doing here? Or, was he in some nightmare where Elsa also had clones like Lewes?

But there was blood dripping from Elsa’s limbs, and the hole where her chest was pierced through was only bandaged by a strip of cloth torn from her cloak.

Seeing the dark battle wounds littering her body, there was no doubt that this was the same person as before. The only question was whether she was alive or dead.

[Subaru: You aren’t…… immortal, by any chance, are you……?]

[Elsa: Well that’s impossible. I just hang onto life a bit more shamelessly than others. Speaking of which, that girl was really something. I can count on my fingers how many times I’ve taken this much damage to my body]

[Subaru: …….What a coincidence. I can also count on my fingers how many times you’ve tortured me to death]

Subaru’s remark may have been ironic, but it was certainly not a joke. However, apparently taking it as such, Elsa smiled and did a quick spin on the spot. Then, holding her fingers to her lonely, half-severed braid, Elsa silently looked down at Subaru,

[Elsa: This girl here, I’ve never heard about her]

[Subaru: ……Then how about you pretend you didn’t see her and let it slide?]

Understanding the meaning behind her words, Subaru raised this suggestion to Elsa. Even if there wasn’t much hope of her accepting his advice, it would at least buy him some time for his limbs to start responding to his commands. It was a stupid conversation, but he needed the time.

[Elsa: She definitely wasn’t a part of my plans, so I guess it wouldn’t be a problem…… the spirit girl, the oversized maid… the little maid was kind of a bonus]

There were three targets. Beatrice, Frederica, and the tacked-on Petra.

Even with his consciousness glowing white-hot, Subaru sharpened his ears so as not to miss a single detail. The fact that Rem wasn’t marked as a target must have meant that whoever hired Elsa had forgotten Rem’s existence. He had previously thought that Frederica was the employer, but her death sent him back to the drawing board.

[Subaru: Come to think of it, you lied, didn’t you]

[Elsa: Lied?]

[Subaru: About Frederica. ――Back in the Forbidden Library, you talked like you only killed Petra, but how do you explain that?]

Subaru gestured toward Frederica, lying at the side of the hallway. Following his gaze, with an [Aah], Elsa nodded as if having understood. Then, she turned back to Subaru,

[Elsa: Hers wasn’t a beautiful death]

She made this paltry remark.

The murderer’s definition of beauty wasn’t something he’d want to understand. But after taking someone’s life, was this all she had to say? Rage churned inside him, but he knew it wouldn’t mean a thing in front of Elsa and the Kukri-knife in her hand.

As much as he wanted revenge, his body hadn’t recovered nearly enough to strike back.

Just like this, strewn on the floor in front of Elsa’s murdering blade, the outcome was already decided.

――So, this was as far as he would go.

Acknowledging his impending “Death”, Subaru ran the information he had gathered in this loop through his mind, alongside the new, confounding mysteries. And then, there was his exchange with Beatrice, and the final expression he saw on her face.

Why did the girl who kept telling Subaru “I want to die” and “Please kill me” shove him out of the way in the end? Promptly noticing that Elsa was alive, she pushed Subaru away. But just what was it supposed to mean when she did this? Subaru wasn’t stupid enough not to realize it.

[Elsa: I don’t like that look in your eyes]

[Subaru: Huh? ――Gbha!?]

With these words, the flat of her blade struck against his face once again.

His left cheekbone was shattered, and several cracked teeth fell onto the floor. Collapsing, another blow struck him from the opposite side. Intense pain raced through the bottom of his right eye, and, with a flash of her blade, his left ear was sheared off.

Then, switching between the edge and flat of her blade in turn, Elsa carved, crushed, and scourged Subaru’s body. Denying him the impending “Death” he had expected, she dealt him pain upon pain upon pain as blood and wails leaked from his mouth without end.

[Elsa: Struggle on until the last moment of your life. Otherwise, what is the point of living?]

[Subaru: ……as if I’d want to take life advice from you]

A strike. His forehead split open, and he felt the illusion of the contents of his skull spilling as he collapsed.

His consciousness grew distant at the solid impact, and Subaru could feel his body steadily being drawn into that frozen world.

So, this is where he dies.

Even if he lost consciousness now, he had no illusions about what falling unconscious in front the Bowel Hunter would entail.

This was the end. This time, this would be as far as he gets.

Next time, he won’t fail again. Next time, for sure.

The expression on your face at the very end. I won’t forget it, no matter what.

[Subaru: ――Beatrice]

In her final moments, the girl who had told him “Kill me”, had tears within her eyes.

With that sight seared into his mind, Subaru’s consciousness was slowly swallowed, into darkness, into nothing.

-=Chapter 63 End=-