Sold as the Alpha King’s Breeder

Chapter 37 : This Isn’t the End

*Lena*

Another night with Xander. Another night tangled in the sheets of liis bed with my head resting on his

chest. Our clothes were scattered across the floor, pale morning sunlight highlighting every curve and

wrinkle in the fabric.

He was still asleep, his chest rising and falling as I snuggled in the crook of his ami.

We'd be boarding the train tonight to an uncertain future.

I'd been up for a while, waking as the sun began to rise and cast long pink rays of light through the

frost-covered windows. My heart was heavy. I'd told him a painful memory, something I'd never spoken

to anyone about outside of my family. I'd been vague, but I'd expected my willingness to show him a

side of myself no one else knew would open him up to me.

But he'd deflected, again. He'd pushed me and pushed me until I broke and then retreated, covering up

his unwillingness to be open about who he really was with kisses.

I realized then that any feelings of hope that Xander and I would be together, be a couple, be mates-it

was ridiculous. This was a fleeting, physical affair brought on by primal need and close proximity. I

knew better than this.

I'd never know if he was my mate. Maybe an ocean of distance between us would make that more

clear as time went on. He'd go back to wherever he was from, that I didn't know, and I'd go home to

face what I'd been running from since the day I turned seventeen.

‘’Do you want to go get breakfast? There's a bakeiy down the street." he said softly, his eyes still closed

and his cheeks ruddy from the warmth of our closeness.

‘‘I didn't realize you were awake," I replied, trying to sit up, but his ami that was wrapped around my

waist held me in place.

‘’I've been up for a while. I didn't want to..." he tapered off. yawning as he blinked a few times and

turned to look down at me. I reached up and ran my fingertips along his cheek and jaw where the

beginnings of a beard was visible.

‘•What are we doing, Xander?" I asked, unable to hide the hurt in my voice.

He was quiet for a moment, and I thought he'd never answer. "Do you even like me?"

"Of course I do," I said, but my voice hitched with emotion. Did he not realize that?

"What do you want, Lena, from me?"

Every girlish notion of romance rushed to the forefront of my mind. I pictured us walking through a cozy

weekend market, hand in hand, my belly rounded and Xander's eyes glimmering in soft sunlight. I

pictured a small house with stone walls and blue shutters, the windows open and cream-colored

curtains drifting lazily in the wind while I pulled a roast from the oven. Xander laughing as he stood by

the sink, drying dishes. Children with his same dark, wary hair laughed over plates of mashed potatoes

and chicken, their faces and hands grubby as I poured them more milk.

But then I saw distant, snow-covered mountains. I saw an ice-covered inlet with a temple tucked upon

its shore. I saw me. alone, standing along the rocky beach.

I wanted to cry My throat tightened so abruptly that I found it hard to swallow back my heartbreak.

"I don't know what my future holds-"

"None of us do," he interrupted, his fingertips tracing circles along the curve of my naked hip.

"It's different for me," I breathed.

"How do you know it's not the same for me?"

I looked up at him. trying to decipher the unreadable emotion playing behind his eyes. His gaze was far

away, lingering on some internal conflict.

"I don't know you. Xander. I wouldn't know that."

"I don't know how to explain this to you-"

"You have to try!"

He stiffened a bit, but then exhaled deeply, his body relaxing against the mattress once more. I

watched his face, seeing the lines of uncertainty edged around his eyes. I knew then what his answer

would be. I could see it, plain as day, and it broke my heart.

"I thought I knew what I wanted," he said, his voice even, "but now I realize I can't... we can't-"

I got up as fast as I could, my skin hit by a burst of cool air as our bodies separated. I quickly gathered

my clothes and walked toward the bathroom.

"Lena-"

"It's fine-"

"We need to talk about this," he said, sitting upright.

"You're right, Xander. We can't."

I went into the bathroom, dumping my clothes on the floor. I ran the shower frill blast, waiting a moment

for the water to warm before I slipped inside and let the sound of the spray hitting the porcelain tub

drown out my tears.

I was being foolish. I was being stupid. There was no room for a man in my life. There was no room for

a family. Not with what I'd become.

But I loved him. And I would never say so. Not now.

I spent the rest of the day walking around the village. There was a small market, but the goods were

limited with nothing I needed, or wanted. I browsed nonetheless, purchasing nothing more than a bag

of whole bean coffee to give to my roommates when I returned. We'd all be home from our field

studies, all of us but Abigail. She'd likely still be in Avondale.

Abigail's situation sent a jolt through me. I'd forgotten about it, and found myself sitting in a small cafe

staring blankly out the window, wondering how the hell I was going to come clean.

She'd know the truth soon enough. And she'd hate me. I should have told her before I left for Crimson

Creek again.

I wrapped my chilled fingers around the hot apple cider I'd ordered, closing my eyes against the anxiety

crippling my senses. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance they already knew the truth.

I reached to the seat next to me where I'd set my backpack down and ran my fingers over the pocket

where the envelope was.

Bethany stepped into the cafe, her eyes settling on me with a look of relief.

"I didn't think I'd see you today," she smiled, sitting in the seat opposite me.

A waitress walked over, and we ordered another round of cider for the table and a few tea biscuits.

"We're leaving tonight, around nine." I said as I sipped from my now tepid cup of cider. It was rich, and

fragrant, and I wondered if the apples used to make it had come from Ben's orchard. I felt a pang of

regret at the thought of Ben. Where was he now? L ikely with Elaine and Henry, if any of them were still

alive.

As if she read my mind, Bethany said, "The estate is being shuttered. I'm moving in with Gideon and

his family until there's news of Elaine and Henry's whereabouts." She paused, glancing out of the

window as a couple passed by on the other side of the glass. "Even if they're dead... I just feel like I

need to stay for a while."

“What do you think happened to them?" I asked lightly. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew

a whole lot more about the situation than I did. I'd already resigned myself to the fact that I was being

left out of the loop on purpose. It was probably better that way. anyway, but it didn't stop me from

wanting to know.

“Whatever happened, I believe they're together. That's what's important. If they... if they're dead, they

had each other at least. They didn't die alone." Bethany swallowed, her eyes flicking over to mine. She

looked rested, and had a little color in her cheeks.

I was thankful for it. Bethany had been through hell and back like Xander and I, but we had the

opportunity to leave it all behind. She didn't: at least, she wasn't ready to let it go yet.

"I'll come back the second there's news of Elaine and Heiuy's whereabouts, okay? I promise-" I took

her hand in mine across the table, squeezing it. "I promise."

"I know," she smiled, her eyes misting with tears, "I know you will. But... I'll come to you. I don't think

you should come back here. Lena. You and Xander. He wants to stay. I talked him out of it. I think you

should stay together, protect each other-"

"We're not... together-"

"Lena," she leaned in so we weren't overheard, "do you not remember what Elaine told you the night

she read your palm? Are you sure he's not the great love she was talking about?"

Of course I'd thought about it. I laid awake at night tracing the love line across my palm under the pale

light of the moon. All of its faded, broken pieces...

"He hasn't been totally honest with me." I breathed, just as the waitress returned with our cider.

"You haven't been honest with him," Bethany replied after a moment as she waited for the waitress to

retreat from the table.

I looked at Bethany as I brought my second cup of hot cider to my lips, letting the spiced, amber liquid

quench the dryness in my mouth and throat. Did Bethany know?

“What am I supposed to say to him?" I took the risk.

"The truth. He needs to know who you are."

"I don't know who I am!"

"If he's your mate." she sighed, setting her mug on the table, "does it really matter? That's fated. Lena.

It's would mean it's meant to be-"

"It's different for me," I pressed, my cheeks beginning to prickle with heat as I tried to wrangle my

emotions. “I... I don't know if I can have a mate."

She gave me a quizzical look. "What do you mean?"

I looked up at her, noticing the confusion in her eyes. Well, maybe she knew some form of the truth, but

not all.

"I think we ended things. For good, this morning." It was all I could say. My heart squeezed painfully,

and I took another long drink from my mug to try to stifle the heartbreak that was certainly evident on

my face.

Bethany watched me, her eyes shining with understanding. "It'll be okay," she said weakly, her voice

thick with empathy.

"It doesn't feel like it will. It... it hurts—" I couldn't stop the tears. Bethany was the only one I could

confide in at that moment. She reached out and wiped a tear from my cheek, giving me the gentlest of

smiles.

"I'll come see you in Morhan," she said, changing the subject, for which I was grateful. She must have

sensed the tension leaving my body as the conversation edged away from Xander.

"I'd love that," I smiled, but the smile quickly faded. "But I won't be there for very long. There's a small

graduation ceremony for those who are graduating in December instead of May. After that, well... I

have to go home for a while."

“I'll come visit you there, then."

Her eyes told me she knew where that home was. I squeezed her hand again, another tear rolling

down my cheek.

“I'm sorry we couldn't fix things on the estate-"

"You did more than anyone else has ever done," she breathed, squeezing my hand back. "I'm thankful

to have met you, Lena. This isn't the end. We'll see each other again."

"I hope so-"

"You'll see Xander again, too."

I looked up at her, noticing her abrupt change in demeanor. Her eyes were looking somewhere far

away, but still fixed on mine. I felt a rush of unease ripple over my skin.

What had she said? This isn't the end?

I realized, too late, she had meant something different