The Abandoned Empress

I was getting short of breath more and more. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I felt like the nightmare of my past tied up my tongue. The more I thought I had to say something, the more my head was messed up.

What should I do? What should I say first?

When I was struggling to say something, I suddenly felt he tightened his grip on me. Only then did I come to my senses.

‘Stay calm, Aristia.’

I took a deep breath, catching my short breath up to my chin. After calming down first, I carefully sorted out my messed-up memories. I first rearranged my past memories in chronological order, then differentiated between what I could tell him and what I could not.

‘But can I really tell him?’

Suddenly, I was in doubt. If I told him the truth, could he believe me? Wouldn’t he think I was only talking nonsense because I didn’t want to tell the truth? What if he would be angry with me, blaming me for insulting him and the imperial family? In retrospect, even Allendis, who valued me so much, could not believe what I said.

Besides, it would be a problem even if he believed me. Do I need to bring out the memories that I need to keep to myself? Even now he is in distress because of me. He is not the old him that I used to know, though I clearly remember what he had done to me. Can I hurt him when he doesn’t know anything about himself in the past? Even if I tell him, I can’t accept him anyway.

I bit my lip hard. No matter how much I thought about, I thought it was better for me to keep silent for the sake of him and myself.

“… I have nothing to say. ”

“… Aristia. ”

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I have nothing else to say. ”

“Oh my…”

As I said that after a long silence, he pressed me to be honest with him as if he was frustrated.

“Please, Aristia. You must be hiding something in your heart. ”

“…”

“Won’t you tell me anything? Why are you so cruel to me?”

“…”

“If you can’t tell me just because of the friction between the rival factions or what happened to you the other day, let me protect you. I will make sure you are not hurt under any circumstances.”

“…Sorry, Your Majesty. ”

Tears welled up in my eyes at his repeated pleading, but I held back them by biting my lip.

Even though my rejection might torment him for now, I couldn’t allow him to suffer like me for the rest of his life

Was it because he took my attitude differently? After keeping silent for a moment, he said in a subdued voice, “Then why did you act like that until now? I thought you were interested in me. Was it just my illusion? ”

“…”

“Or do you have so much to hide from me that you can’t open your heart to me? If you are not, did I not build your trust in me even as I begged you?

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t say sorry anymore. I’ve heard it enough.”

When I closed my lips at his apparently angry voice, he caught his breath for a long time as if he wanted to calm down his emotions.

While struggling to straighten up because I felt like curling up, I kept fidgeting with the hem of my skirt. Maybe I did it because I could not see his expression as he hugged me from my behind.

“… What do you want? Do you want me to officially break up my engagement with you?”

“…”

“I think you want it because you are not denying.”

“…”

I just dropped my head because I had nothing to say.

At that moment, he pulled away his arms wrapped around me. I could not feel his warmth any more. Instead I felt some sort of chill, which made my body tremble unconsciously.

Why should I feel chilly now? Is it because he disengaged from my body? Or is it because I turned myself away from him to the end?

“Aristia, I will ask you one last thing.”

“… Please go ahead.”

“Can you see me living with another woman? Are you sure you won’t care at all? Can you watch me calling her the empress and living with her for the rest of my life?”

My heart ached because I vividly recalled him treating Jiun friendly one day in the past. When I saw them right before my eyes, I could hardly stop moaning. I could feel a swift surge of anger. The hem of my skirt I grasped tightly was crumpled in an instant.

‘Come to your senses, Aristia! You were already prepared for this. Why are you showing such a knee-jerk reaction?’

My breathing was getting more and more rough, but I slowly opened my mouth, trying to calm down.

“… It is said that there is nothing that won’t be healed over time.”

“Oh, I see. After all, that’s how you feel.”

“…”

“Okay, Aristia. I will do as you please. I’m sorry I forced you to be with me. You can rest assured from now on. I will never bother you again. ”

“Your Majesty…”

“I’ve been here too long. See you later at the theater.”

He turned coldly and walked away quickly. I stood there, blankly looking at him fading away.

Only when I could see him no more did tears roll down my cheek.

One drop, two drops.

Tears kept dropping down on the ground.

‘Good job, it’s all over now.’

Although I felt chilly out in the cold, I slowly lifted my arm and wiped tears on my face.

I straightened up and began to walk amid the hazy mist.

***

The October sky was high and blue.

Red and yellow-colored leaves were falling on the streets where the cool autumn breeze was blowing, and the crowds got carried away with the festival, enjoying all kinds of delicious food and pleasant music.

In a slowly rolling wagon I silently watched the very exciting scene outside. Although I was blocked by only one wall between the wagon and outside, the world outside the window was so different from mine inside the wagon.

When I was looking outside the window with envy, my father, who kept silent all along, said, “You don’t look good now. Are you sick?”

“…Oh, it’s nothing. I just enjoy watching them outside.”

When I answered, shaking my head, he said with a sigh, “I see. Tia, do you want to go out with me for a change?”

“Pardon? But now …”

“Well, you seem too frustrated. When the official event is over, come out to the street with me. As the festival lasts for a week anyway, I think we can go out and enjoy it for about a day. ”

“Really? Isn’t it too much a burden on you because of me? You’ve been busy all these days …” “I can adjust my work schedule. My daughter is more precious to me. ”

“Thank you, Daddy.”

When I smiled bashfully, he said with a faint smile, sweeping up my hair gently.

“By the way, Tia.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“… Don’t forget that I’m always behind you. I’m always on your side. ”

“Pardon? Why did you suddenly…”

“No matter what anyone says about you, you are my proud daughter. So, always act proudly. Don’t be so depressed like you were a little while ago.”

“Ah…”

I felt something warm spreading in my heart. I tried hard not to express it, but he seemed to have already noticed that I felt depressed all along after I met the emperor in the fog.

When I nodded gently, a faint smile came to his mouth, who was anxiously looking at me.

Only

I felt much better thanks to his encouragement. I felt very secure.

“We’re here at the theater, Marquis and Lady Monique,” said the horseman.

“Good job.”

I got out of the carriage with my father and stepped into the theater. It was a play that most aristocrats watched, but there were not many nobles inside, contrary to my expectation.

Perhaps it was because we arrived last according to the protocol on the nobles’ entrance.

The theater I had not visited for a long time was luxurious. All of the seats arranged in a semi-circle around the stage were made of high-quality leather, and the chandeliers hanging from all over the place were radiating beautiful lights everywhere.

The sound of nobles dragging their robes were heard on the staircases covered with red carpets, and in each booth blocked by black curtains, those who got earlier were chatting and laughing. Among them were foreign dignitaries speaking their own language.

“Ladies and gentleman, the Sun of the Empire, His Majesty is entering now!’