The Assassin's Enemy Lover

43 Roasting Zi Han’s ugly picture

“Good morning citizens of the glorious Capital Star. The weather today is warm and sunny perfect for a day at the beach.”

“Any plans for the day. I am thinking of having a picnic at the Inverse gardens. Inside those spherical domes are different kinds of gardens with a calming atmosphere. I think it would be a great way to spend the last day of the weekend.”

“Personally I prefer the beach. It’s much more interesting than plants and ponds. Those gardens are more like breeding grounds for creepy crawlies.....”

“Ah.... what the.... tsk,” were the low murmurs of Zi Han as he rubbed his head against the soft pillow. His eyes half-lidded he scanned the room to find out what was making noise. When he couldn’t find it he took his pillow and pressed it hard over his head as he slowly went back to sleep.

“Young sir, would you like me to switch off the broadcast?” asked a soothing automated voice like that from the housekeeper robot downstairs.

Zi Han who had no idea that his grandfather’s penthouse was a fully automated smart home almost jolted awake thinking there was an intruder.

Noticing the fluctuations in his mood the AI spoke calmly, “Don’t be alarmed, it’s me young sir. The broadcast automatically switched on as a wake-up call set by the master so you can wake up early. Now that you are awake...”

“Switch it off,” mumbled Zi Han as he felt around his bed and picked up another pillow and flung it trying to shut the AI up.

A du du sound followed as the housekeeping system vanished leaving this young sir sleeping like the dead. Zi Han had a problem waking up and his mother must have told his grandfather otherwise why set up such an annoying alarm.

.....

Despite being woken up by those annoying voices Zi Han fell back to sleep as if nothing had happened. It was as though he had taken a sleeping pill and he could easily drift off to sleep after being woken up.

Thirty minutes later his bedroom door was pushed open and Zi Feiji’s head stuck through the creak staring at the bed. As expected the troublesome brat was fast asleep despite having set up an alarm for him.

He wanted to yell at him to wake him up but when he saw his sleeping posture he was at a loss for words. Zi Han had half his body hanging off the bed and the quilt was scattered on the floor like it had been kicked off the bed.

Last night he had witnessed his daughter tuck Zi Han in like a zongzi (glutinous rice wrapped in bamboo leaves). At that time he had even chastised her for wrapping him up like this. What if he couldn’t breathe?

Now that he was faced with this disaster he suddenly understood. Zi Han’s sleeping problem was even more problematic than he thought.

“Han Han, time to wake up. It’s almost eleven a.m.,” he said as he pushed the door open wider but the head hiding under the pillow mumbled a few words before the room fell back into silence.

Zi Feiji sighed before yelling even louder. “Zi Han!” he called out and just as his daughter predicted the boy jolted out of the bed like a kitten stepping on water and with a loud bam he fell off the bed.

“Ah... seriously,” muttered Zi Han as he turned over to lie on his back on the floor with the pillow still covering his face.

“Zi Han!” yelled Zi Feiji one more time and just like a charm it worked. Zi Han sat up straight as he stared at his grandfather with a dazed expression.

His eyes were squinting like an old lady trying to read the tiny print on a newspaper and his hair resembled a bird’s nest making him look funny. “Grandpa....,” he called only to fall silent as a click sound came from his grandfather’s light brain.

“If you don’t want me to make this picture my avatar on Starnet you better be downstairs in ten minutes,” said Zi Feiji with a serious look on his face. But the moment he walked out of his grandson’s room and closed the door he couldn’t resist the urge to laugh.

His grandson looked so funny with that messed up head of hair. It didn’t even look like he had a haircut last night. While Zi Feiji was sharing this hateful picture in his circle of friends Zi Han was scratching his hair while getting up to walk to the bathroom.

He couldn’t understand why he had to wake up early when they had nothing to do today. He took off his pyjamas along the way to the bathroom and just like a little piggy he threw each piece of clothing on the floor as he shed them off. When he reached the bathroom door he saw a sticky note posted on there. It read:

“Pick up your clothes and throw them in the laundry you little piggy.”

Zi Han, “.....”

He looked back at the clothes that he had thrown on the ground and sighed deeply as he went back to pick them up. It was obvious who wrote this note. It seemed his mother was using this method to reprimand him.

As he stepped under the showerhead the water streamed down his face soothing his slightly swollen eyes from crying last night. When he reached over to grab the shampoo he felt another sticky note plastered on the bottle.

He took a small step back and the water shut down on its own as he read the note.

“I brought your tear-free shampoo.”

“Oh, and I also told grandpa the kind to buy for you.”

“XOXO”

Zi Han, “Seriously?!”

What he didn’t realise was that this was just the beginning. For the next few days, he would be finding sticky notes everywhere. His mother was right when she said, “It would be like she never left.”

He found others in his closet each different from the rest. She reminded him of everything. From what colour t-shirts to wear with which pants to which shoes to wear with which socks. She was like a helicopter parent at a whole different level.

By the time he went downstairs, he felt so suffocated from all those notes. At least he could have some breakfast in peace. His grandfather was sitting at the dining table with a floating screen in front of him his expression unsightly.

From his speed of typing, he looked like he was arguing with people on Starnet. To be more specific he was arguing with his circle of friends because of the picture he shared just now. Whose picture was it? Well, it was Zi Han’s but instead of praise his old buddies were roasting him online.

Friend one: What possessed you to upload an ugly mugshot of yourself in the military.

Friend two: Didn’t you see from his caption?

Friend two: Forwarded; Meet my adorable grandson #blessed

Friend three: Hahaha... he looks like a cat after getting rained on.

Wiseman: You are all talking shit this morning?

Wiseman: My grandson is obviously handsome.

Friend one: He looks like a wet poodle.

Friend four: At least you should tell him to clean the mop before he puts it on top of his head.

Wiseman: You know what..... Fuck you!

Wiseman: All of you.

Wiseman: You are all assholes.

Friend three: He is swearing.

Friend four: Then he is really pissed off.

Friend two: The truth hurts.

“Shit!” swore Zi Feiji as he angrily shut the screen only to be met by his grandson’s puzzled gaze.

“What are you doing?” asked Zi Han as he stood there watching him type.

“Ah... I uploaded your picture in my moments but these old basta-..... For years I endured them posting cute pictures of their grandkids doing the dumbest things.”

“What’s so cute about a baby smearing their body with butter or a toddler with their head stuck in between bannisters..... Why are you laughing?”

Zi Han had indeed started snickering when his grandfather started mentioning some of the so-called dumb stuff. He couldn’t help it, but seeing his grandpa’s dark expression he put away his smile and gestured with his hand for him to continue.

“When it’s finally my turn they roast you instead. How annoying,” said a flustered Zi Feiji with a displeased tone.

Zi Han sat down opposite his grandfather and said, “That’s because those were kids doing adorable things. I on other hand am not a kid anymore... And why would you upload such an unflattering picture of me?”

As he said this the old steward served breakfast alongside the new housekeeping robot.