Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Chapter 328: Nobles are Scary, Nobles are Really Scary

Translated by Zzonkedd

Edited by Gumihou and Onionpi

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Note from Gumi: for some reason, Eguchi-san kept calling Willem-san ‘the Guild Master’ as though he has no other name…

Count Langridge was expected to come today.

The entire Adventurer’s Guild was packed since early morning.

The Guild Master had announced to all guild members as well as Adventurers that ‘Count Langridge would be coming on this day’ resulting in today’s crowded guild.

As expected, when a nobleman pays a visit to the guild, everyone would be excited by the prospect of meeting him.

Not long after that, the Count’s party arrived.

[9] The man himself was quite a powerful-looking man in his mid-40s, if I must say, he has the elegant handsomeness of the actor who played the 5th generation 007 [10].

From the top of his head to the tip of his shiny boots he was the very epitome of a cool middle-aged man with money, power and women at his feet and want for nothing.

[9] That was… if you see him from the side profile…

[9] …when he turned towards my direction, I was immediately struck by the very obvious bald spot that run from his forehead to the back of his head. The badly covered comb over hairstyle reminded me of a certain comedian called Mister Fujixx [10].

His sad looking hair really didn’t fit the rest of his cool and heroic persona. If he had been battling hair loss all this while, I could understand his excitement at seeing Willem-san’s transformation.

He must have been so hyped up to finally encounter a solution to his ‘problem’.

Apologies but I think I finally understood how bad your situation was.

[9] Thus, as part of the ‘inspection’, the Count was given a tour of the guild by Willem-san. Naturally, I was also absorbed into the ‘tour group’ along with Fer & Co.

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“Count Langridge, this is the S Rank Adventurer, Mukouda,” Willem-san introduced me and I exchanged salutations with the Count.

“Greetings to Count Langridge. My name is Mukouda,”

“Umu, I’ve heard plenty about you. Well, I supposed this is the rumoured Fenrir?”

Fer, Dora-chan and Sui were lounging on the floor, none of them bothered to stand at attention, let alone give their greetings to the Count.

“Oi, aren’t you being too rude to the Count? Get to your feet quickly!”

“Shut up, human. Do you think the likes of you could order me around? Since when do insects like you could tell a superior being like me what to do?” Fer’s voice was at its lowest register as his lips curled back threateningly.

Yes, yes, put away your fangs, please. [1] Why are you being so sensitive today?

“Hiii…!!!!”

The servant turned pale with fright and looked like a stray wind could blow him away.

“Calm down, Fer.”

“Humph, to think that a foolish human would try to order a Fenrir around. The only one I am willing to listen to is this one. I would never lower myself to obey other humans. If you dare to push your luck, I shall destroy this city, no, this entire country.”

“… …” [2] Fer-san, do please shut up for a moment. Please refrain from saying all those scary things. What’s all this about destroying cities or whatnot, [1] you’ll cause a scene, you know?

The pale servant twitched and finally collapsed in place.

[9] Ah.

Speaking of which, the Count, as well as the knights and even Willem-san, were all very pale. [1] How do I fix this?

“Ahem, well, he is a Fenrir after all. So, uh, do be careful with your language around him… naturally, I shall do my best to restrain him but if he gets too angry… I can only apologise…”

Not that Fer would really do anything, I’m sure, [2] but it was true that he has the power to destroy cities and countries.

“U- umu, I understand. Everyone, make sure you understand too, yes?”

Everyone nodded at the Count’s very obvious hint. The rude servant, the one who had collapsed just now, had been taken away before I even realised it.

“Mukouda-san, there’s no need for you to be so humble. According to the Royal Decree, you and your party could live your life freely. We have no intention of going against the decree or forcing you into anything. [5]”

“Many thanks, hearing this makes me feel safe to be in this country.”

The Count grinned, “Well, so long as the Fenrir stays within our territory, we already have the advantage even without you having to do anything.”

I see, [6] I supposed it’s kind of like a nuclear weapon? Like how the US and other countries build nuclear weapons to passively (?) threaten other countries?

Well, so long as we don’t have to be directly involved in any of their political disputes, I guess it’s fine for us to be their tools.

“Now then, I do believe a change of topic is prudent. Let’s see, there’s been a certain something I’ve been looking forward to…”

“Ah, right.” Catching the hint, I took out the gift from my [Item Box].

To maximise the impact of my gift, I had placed soap, shampoo, conditioner and hair treatment inside a treasure chest that I had gotten from the dungeons of Doran. The jewels outside looked good enough on their own so there was no need for me to add any other decorations. Naturally, I properly stuffed the chest until it was full.

[9] “Please accept this gift from me. This chest contained all the hair and skincare items you can find at Lambert’s.” [5]

“Oho, from Lambert’s? My wife and daughters love them. Thank you very much, I shall gladly accept.”

I guess I found out the reason why the Count was so willing to protect Lambert’s business.

“And this… is something I had prepared with Count Langridge in mind,” [3] this time, I pulled out a much smaller chest. [2] Also something I had gotten from Doran’s dungeon. [6] Naturally, to fully gain the support of a patron, one should not neglect their family members. However, it is also important to give special treatment to your patron.

[9] Within this chest were two sets of the Divine Medicine, Hair Power that he wanted so much. [5]

“Will I see the same effect as Willem?” asked the Count seriously.

“According to the Guild Master’s report, some individual differences are to be expected but the hair growth effect should happen,” I said just as seriously.

I’m 100% sure the tonic would work because it had been transformed into Divine Medicine with Sui’s Special Elixir (low grade). [5]

“Umu, I shall try it out later today,”

I gave the Count the instructions on how to use both shampoo and tonic.

[6] He may as well be listening to national secrets based on the seriousness he paid to my words…

“Umu,” said the Count with a grin. “We shall be entering the high social season soon. I am lucky to have gotten my hands on this before it happens.”

“Ahaha,” from the way the Count kept going on about it, it looked like aristocrats took their appearances very seriously.

Although the Count was a handsome man, his shiny head gave him serious negative points. However, after using the Divine Medicine, Hair Power he would transform into an outstandingly handsome man. [5]

[6] Wait, isn’t this against natural law somehow?

Maybe I shouldn’t have interfered with God’s creation and given him the Divine Medicine?

I was still worrying over this when the Count said, “Speaking of which, I heard from Willem that you’re in a rather… tight spot now, yes?” [5]

“Yes, with regards to the soap and shampoo business. I haven’t done anything about the matter yet and…”

“Do not worry. I shall not let them touch you and yours. Let us take this opportunity to cooperate with the Royal Palace and crush those people. Their wickedness has been quite intolerable for quite a while now. I shall be more than happy to destroy that organisation for you.”

Did I… just hear something scary?

By ‘crush’ do you mean to say you plan to crush Baron Culverts and the Stars Company?

I’m honestly frightened by these nobles. Aren’t they too scary?

“Speaking of which, I wonder if I could have a steady supply of these products?” hinted the Count while cradling the treasure chest (small) containing the Divine Medicine in his arms.

Ehhhh, isn’t this too great a subject change?

It was all ‘I’m gonna destroy someone’ and now you’re going to talk about getting regular access to a miracle product?

Count Langridge was just too smooth at changing subjects.

“Y-yes, I’m thinking of asking Lambert to sell it on my behalf.”

“Fumu, this is not something that just anyone should get their hands on. Be sure to consult with Lambert on this.”

I had thought of just selling this as a regular product at Lambert’s but perhaps the Count was right. Although it was just a drop, each bottle of tonic still has Elixir mixed into it. Therefore, the price should be set higher.

“I’m sure you understand that I must have priority.”

“Yes, of course.”

Count-sama, there’s no way I wouldn’t understand this.

Thereafter, the Count left his seat and continued to play his role of ‘inspecting’ the guild.

Finally, it was time to see the Count off.

“I am very pleased that an S Ranker has decided to base himself within our territory. Mukouda, regardless of how small your problem is, if there’s anything I can assist with, do feel free to inform me. I give my word that I shall deal with the matter quickly.” The Count said with a smile as he patted my shoulder heavily.

“Naturally, I will rely on your help if there’s anything,” I answered, returning his smile.

Everyone watching us probably thought that the Count and I were on very good terms.

After that, the Count got onto his carriage and trundled off.

As the carriage disappeared down the road, I turned to the Guild Master, “Willem-san,”

“Yes?”

“Do you think the Count is serious about… um, crushing… those people?

“If he went so far as to say so openly, then, yes.”

“…Baron Culverts and the Stars Company?”

“Perhaps. Now that we have the Royal Palace backing us, neither of them could get away with their crimes now. Especially Baron Culverts. That man had squeaked through all sorts of investigations by virtue of being a noble but there’s no escaping his fate if the nation decides to turn its eye on him. The entire barony would most likely be crushed and members of the Stars Company would be sent to the mines if found guilty of major crimes.”

[4] “Woah…” [5]

“They have gone too far and done too much. In the end, you reap what you sow.”

[4] “I suppose they deserve it but isn’t turning them into criminal slaves a bit too much?”

“If you compare yourself to Baron Culverts and the Fenrir to the Stars Company, which do you think the country would prefer to keep good relations with?”

[4] “Wait, are you saying it’s our fault that they’re being investigated so vigorously? But, I never said anything-”

“Well, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, Baron Culverts and the Stars Company’s fate I mean. You don’t have to do anything at all so just sit back and use this city as your base any way you like. I expect great things from you!”

Expect great things, huh?

Well, at least I don’t have to worry about some shady company coming after me anymore. [1] Now that the matter has resolved itself, or rather, had been solved by the Count, there’s really no reason for me to hang around the city anymore.

“I expect Fer and the others are going to bug me about dungeon diving again…” [5]

Speaking of which, Fer & Co. were currently napping in the Guild Master’s room. None of them wanted to come down to see the Count off.

I wonder, how far will they keep ‘Going My Way’?

[Gumihou: ‘Going My Way’ is worded in katakana here, with the meaning of ‘regardless of others, stick to your own way of life and style’]

[1] Structural Change: Combine 2 paragraphs

[2] Structural Change: Combine 3 paragraphs

[3] Structural Change: Combine paragraph & dialogue

[4] Structural Change: Change passive sentence to dialogue

[5] Delete Repetitive or Pointless Information

[6] Additional Information for Aesthetic Purpose

[7] Add Dialogue Tag

[8] Creative Licence Taken

[9] Rearranged some details re Count Langridge’s appearance and his interaction with the people

[10] 5th generation 007. It’s Pierce Brosnan, lol.

[11] FujiX – probably Fujisai? 斎〇さん