Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

“Mukouda-san, please accept my most heartfelt apologies.”

With dark bags under his eyes, Ugor-san bowed his head apologetically at me.

“No, no, please don’t do this. Elland-san’s actions should not be blamed on Ugor-san. On the contrary, for Ugor-san to have to suddenly make such a long journey to meet me like this even though you must be busy with work at Doran… I should be the one to apologise.”

“No, this matter has nothing to do with Mukouda-san, so please don’t apologise. My absurd and idiotic master is the root of all evil.”

Woah, I think… I see flames of anger in Ugor-san’s eyes…

It was kind of scary.

“So, where is this Idiot Master of mine?”

Naturally, I was quick to update him about everything that had happened.

As I spoke, the blue veins on Ugor-san’s forehead became even more prominent…

“That rotten, worthless, perverted…”

Ugor-san, please steady yourself…

“That is why we cannot entertain him in the main house, I had him lodged with my guards, I hope that’s fine…”

“It is our Idiot Master who had caused you trouble. I shall collect him right away. Could you please guide me to where he is staying?”

“Ah, I think it is fine to stay here. To be honest, although I did order my guards to monitor him, they could not overpower a former S Ranker. Therefore, he often slips their surveillance and peeps through the window. I do believe that it is often around this time that he…”

That was when Grandpa Gon and Dora-chan simultaneously complained through telepathy.

“”Oi, that Elf is here again. He’s peeping at us again!!””

“”That stupid Elf, urgh, I feel so violated!!””

Ah, both my familiars sound very disgusted.

“Ugor-san, it would appear that Elland-san is currently peeping into my living room…”

Ugor-san looked in the same direction as my half-dead gaze. He gnashed his teeth and said, “That embarrassment, wait till I get my hands on you.”

[1] As Ugor-san stomped over, I hurried after him, “Uh, not to disparage your authority, Ugor-san, but you’re B Ranker, right? Elland-san might be a disgusting pervert, but he’s still an S Ranker.”

[1] “Fufufu, while that fellow might have been an S Ranker, I have my ways.”

[2] Then, he dramatically snaps his fingers.

Hmm? What’s with that dramatic gesture-

“Ha?! Hey, wha- why are you guys here?!”

That was… Elland-san?

“Hey, stop! What are you doing?!! Don’t you know who I am?!”

There were sounds of people fighting.

“This is a mission request, it’s nothing personal.”

[2] I looked at Ugor-san. Then in the direction of the living room where I think Elland-san had been peeping through the windows.

“A mission request?” I asked.

“Fufufu, a Vice Guild Master has the right to set mission requests as well as the mission reward.”

[2] Before I could comment on that, four men appeared. Two of them, a human and a beastman, were carrying a chain-wrapped Elland-san, All four were in their mid to late 30s, they appeared to be veteran Adventurers. Considering how they had quickly subdued Elland-san… they must be pretty skilled.

[2]

One of the party members stepped forward. He has the look of a handsome older man with a scar down one cheek that ran down his chin, giving him a rather cool and wild look. A pair of twin swords hung from his waist.

Thump.

Elland-san was unceremoniously dumped at our feet.

“Mission complete.”

“Hmmm!! Hmmmfff!!!”

Ah, that frisky mouth had been gagged too.

“Apologies, Guild Master~”

“Vice Guild Master, it was too noisy, so I stuck a cloth in his gob.”

The ones speaking were the two very good-looking guys who had carried Elland-san in and dropped him so mercilessly on the floor.

“Don’t worry about it. Considering what this Idiot Master had done, he is in no position to complain about a little rough treatment,” said Ugor-san indifferently. Then, he put a foot on Elland-san’s stomach and said menacingly, “Hey, you agree too, don’t you?”

The look in Ugor-san’s eyes…

Scary…

It was really, truly scary…

“Nnnn—-!!!”

Elland-san struggled under Ugor-san’s foot.

“Shut up!”

Ugor-san stomped on Elland-san’s stomach. He… he basically trampled on his chained-up superior…

[2a] I… I respect you!!

[2a] How many times have I imagined stomping on a stupid boss who exists to give vague orders and was incompetent in their own job?

[2a] If only I could have the courage to call them ‘Idiot Boss’ and step on them like Ugor-san…

After trampling on his boss, Ugor-san calmly turn to me and said, “Ah, Mukouda-san. Do allow me to make the introductions. They are the [Abyss Watchers]. An S Ranker party, here to complete the ‘Capture & Recover the Idiot Master’ mission.”

“Umm, nice to meet you…”

I tried to bow at these four esteemed Adventurers, but they held up their hands to say, “No need for that. We just happened to return to the surface when we got the mission. Idiot Master might be an idiot, but he is still a powerful idiot filled with crazy strength and insane cunning. I’m just glad that we are able to complete the mission so smoothly.”

“… …” how many times was the word [2b] ‘idiot’ used here?

“We happen to be a party that specialises in dungeon challenges. However, I cannot refuse a request from the Vice Guild Master himself, whom I am indebted to.” The speaker wore a priest outfit with a mace strapped to his waist. He had the gentle look of a recovery magic user and spoke in a very polite manner.

The rest of the members nodded at his words.

Well, well, this gentle-looking fellow is their leader? Wow.

“I- I see, uh, so you guys specialised in dungeon challenges,” I repeated for the lack of anything else to say.

“Indeed, we have been working mainly in Doran’s dungeon for the past two years, trying to get to the bottom level.”

“Well, you’re way ahead of us, but we’re doing our best!” a jovial, well-built Beastman said.

“Ah, that… well…” it’s kind of impossible not to make it with my party of overpowered gluttons…

“I guess it can’t be helped, due to our strength difference,” a second Beastman patted his companion on the shoulder.

“Speaking of which,” said Ugor-san. “Where are Fer-sama and the others? Since I have caused trouble for everyone, especially Mukouda-san’s newest subordinate, I would like to personally apologise.”

The members of the [Abyssal Watchers] also looked curious.

“Well, everyone’s in the living room…”

On the floor, Elland-san began to wriggle and make a fuss again.

“Humph, shut up you Idiot Master,” Ugor-san’s foot, which had been resting on Elland-san’s belly, pressed down.

“Don’t worry about the Idiot Master, there’s no way he could get out of these chains,” said Ugor-san with a smirk. “Some crazy noble commissioned a super powerful chain from us. Luckily, we demanded a deposit before making it, because that fellow ended up backing out of the deal. At any rate, the cost of material had been paid for so it had been kept in the guild all this while…”

“I- I see…”

“So there’s no way you can get out of this thing.” Ugor-san shoved at Elland-san with his foot again.

Right, since Ugor-san was confident, and since he was here anyway, I called my familiars over through telepathy.

““Hahah! This is awesome!”” Dora-chan crowed happily.

“He deserves it,” muttered Grandpa Gon.

The words were kind of mean, but I can understand why they say them.

“Good, we can now go hunting.”

“”Yay~ Yay~ We can play outside~~””

Fer and Sui were also happy to see this fellow all tied up.

“Fer-sama, it’s been a long time. Everyone, please accept my apologies for the inconvenience caused by this idiot. Rest assured, I shall take responsibility for him and drag him back.”

“You may take him back, but what if he comes here again?” Grandpa Gon rumbled as he stepped forward.

“Ah, Ugor-san, this is my new familiar. Grandpa Gon, the Ancient Dragon,” I quickly interjected. Swallowing the automatic ‘it is all fine!!’

“I understand your concerns, however, I’m sure it will be fine.” Suddenly, he added pressure to his foot, causing Elland-san to squeak. “Oi, listen well, you Idiot Master, your antics have reached the ears of the higher-ranking officials at the Royal Capital and, I must say, they are quite angry at you. They are not happy to see one of their most highly paid employees running around unsupervised, causing trouble and costing valuable resources. In addition to a one-year salary cut, you shall be put under surveillance.”

“S-surveillance? Elland-san?”

“Indeed, the supervisor shall be Moira-sama,”

“MMmmmm!!! Hmmm!! Hmmm!!!!”

[2c]

Woah, Elland-san was thrashing about in a panic now. I must know…

“Er, Moira-sama…?”

“That’s right. She’s a high-ranking Elf from the Capital’s Adventurer’s Guild. A powerful and serious S Ranker with a steady personality. A very no-nonsense type of person.”

“HhhmmmmMMMmmm!!!!”

Elland-san was shaking his head frantically.

I felt kind of sorry for him, but… he really deserved it…

“What if he escapes this Moira?” Grandpa Gon rumbled.

“Even if he manages to run from Moira-sama, there is no way that this Idiot Master could run from an entire nation of Adventurers. Moreover, his actions would piss off even more people.”

Tears were running down Elland-san’s eyes like twin waterfalls… I… really don’t want a wanted fugitive running to my house… So, it’s probably best if I give him some reassurance.

“Ahem, Elland-san, it’s not like we’ll never meet again you know?”

The waterfall stopped.

“Although it won’t be right away, I will definitely visit Doran sooner or later…”

The eyes were shining again.

[2c]

I decided to look away. There was no way I’m going anywhere near Doran for the foreseeable future…

While trying to avoid Elland-san, I caught sight of the [Abyssal Watchers] who were looking at Fer and Grandpa Gon with half-open mouths.

One of them, the well-built Beastman said, “Goodness… if that’s the team that challenged Doran’s dungeons last time, it’s no wonder they got ahead of us.”

The rest nodded at his words.

Ah, well, um…

Fortunately, that was when Ugor-san said, “Well, now that we have captured my Idiot Master, it’s time to go. I think we have enough of a break.”

“Oh, now? So soon?” I thought of treating Ugor-san and his party to lunch or something…

“Indeed, it took us a long time to get here, it will take us just as long to go back. It’s not good to leave a city without its Guild Master or Vice Guild Master for too long.”

“I see, you’re right. Ah, but please hold on a moment.” I rushed to the kitchen and took out the extra Dungeon Beef Cutlets from last night’s dinner and quickly prepared some Dungeon Beef Cutlet Sandwiches.

After packing up the sandwiches, I thought for a bit and opened up [Net Super] and bought some gifts for Ugor-san’s wife and children. They must have also suffered from Elland-san’s bout of mischief.

“Sorry for the wait, but please have these. Since you can’t stay for a meal, this is the best I can do.”

“Thank you very much, Mukouda-san. Your food is always delicious and I’m grateful to receive it. The Idiot Master won’t be getting any though.”

“And please take these as well,” I handed over a sturdy glass bottle which I had transferred some hard candy drops into. “It’s a type of candy, you mentioned that your wife and children like sweets?”

“Oh, your thoughtfulness is much appreciated, I’m sure my family will be delighted,” said Ugor-san as he carefully wrapped the bottle in some spare cloth and placed it deep inside his bag. “Well, I’m off. I plan to take some holiday time after this.”

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“No, no, my apologies for the troubles caused by the Idiot Master.”

Finally, the group departed, with Elland-san still wrapped in chains and carried by one of the members of [Abyss Watchers].

“Hahhh… finally…”

“Umu, let’s go hunting tomorrow!”

““Oh, nice! I’ve been feeling stuffy from hiding inside the house all day!!””

“”Hunting~~ hunting~~ Sui will pew pew lots~~””

“Hooh~ hunting sounds fun. I shall participate as well.”

“Well, I guess we all deserve an outing,” I said.

Oddly enough, I was looking forward to the hunting as well.

[Gumihou: Despite the deletes, we hit over 2000 words!]

[1] Adjust dialogue, and redistributed who says what for a more natural and dramatic flow.

[2] Adjust action text for dramatic purpose and immediacy.

[2a] At some point in his life, Mukouda must have encountered some bad bosses or superiors. Be honest, how many of my dear readers wished they could do this to an idiot boss?

[2b] Draw attention to the excessive use of ‘idiot’

[2c] Adjust text so that its more dramatic and less dry texts