Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Eguchi Ren: This is the 500th Chapter! Dear readers, thank you for your continuous support of ‘Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi~!

Gumihou: Woah, it really is the 500th chapter if you add up all the ‘Idle Talks’!

After dinner, I sat my familiars down with a drink and broached the matter of Demiurgos-sama’s oracle. [1a]

“…so, Demiurgos-sama wants us to, uh, subjugate a country, I guess?”

“… …”

“Everyone?”

“Kukukuku…”

“Fumu, gwahahahaha!!”

“Erm…”

Fer and Grandpa Gon were both giving off these really nasty and overwhelming vibes, also, their grinning faces were particularly scary with those huge fangs…

““Fuhahahah, we have been granted a divine order to eliminate those idiots!! Now if an oracle could come on a certain Guild Master…””

Dora-chan, your thoughts are leaking out…

““Yay~! Sui will beat up people who annoy Aruji~!!””

Sui…

“I wonder, what skill should I use to destroy them?”

“I shall use Dragon’s Breath-”

“Stop it! Stop it!” I shrieked. “We are not destroying a whole country!!”

“But you just said we are subjugating a country…”

“No, no, you misunderstand me! What we need to destroy is the Rubanov religion! Not the whole country! I don’t like the church people, but there’s no need to drag the ordinary people into it!”

“Humph, Master is too soft.”

“Indeed~ however, it is most like Master to be soft.”

“Ugh, say what you like, but I still think it’s wrong to make trouble for unrelated people. The Rubanovs are the ones in the wrong, discriminating against other races and causing all of this trouble.”

“”Master is indeed soft,”” said Dora-chan. “”But I don’t hate it~!””

“”Ehhh~? Sui can’t pew pew~?””

“Think about it, everyone. With how the church is like, if they treat everyone like this, won’t the people suffer? Why should we make their lives worse?”

“Humph, people have nothing to do with me.”

“I must say it is the same for me.”

“Oh really? Where do you think money comes from? Hm?”

“U-umu…”

“Isn’t it from dungeon goods and monster parts?” said Grandpa Gon.

“Indeed, and where do we sell these things?”

“Umu, the Adventurer’s Guild?”

“Excellent, Grandpa Gon. And what do you think would happen if you destroy a whole country? Do you think guilds from other countries and cities will still want to trade with us?”

“This…”

“Exactly! If people don’t trade with us, we don’t get money! No money, no delicious food!”

“Nuuooo!!!”

“Nooo!!”

Satisfied by their reaction, I said, “Now you understand?”

“U-umu…”

“…yes…”

“Good,”

A short while later, Grandpa Gon ventured to ask, “Then, what should we do? If we cannot destroy the country…”

“Hmm, the problem is the religion. Do you know that there is no God of Rubanov?”

“What! This is heresy!” Fer yelled.

Ah, the devoted follower of Ninril-sama is angry, good, good.

“No god? Then, the religion is…?”

“That means the religion is against all that is good and right in this world!” I passionately declared. “Not only does it discriminates all sentient beings aside from humans, but they also go against the natural order of things. Therefore, we must stop them from gathering followers!! We must smash all Rubanov churches!!”

“Umu, I approve of smashing!”

“I am unclear how this information is relevant, but I am fine with smashing.”

“”Sui will pew pew them~!!””

““Ou!! Let’s go right away!!””

“Actually, we can’t. We have a long way to travel, and with the Magic Stove dead, I’ll have to make the food here…” [1b]

“Master, I can take you anywhere within the day. So long as I am in my original size…”

“Rejected,”

I have already been lectured by the Guild Master once, I am not interested in being lectured again.

“Then… how about if I’m half the size? We can reach the target location in two days…”

“I’d still have to prepare the meals, so we can’t leave right away.”

“Then, when should we leave?” Fer snorted.

“In about five days-”

“What?! Five days?! Let’s go the day after tomorrow!”

“Wha- no way, that’s too short. Don’t decide on these things yourself, Fer!!”

“Hmph, it’s not just me. You three, what do you think?”

“Two days is good.”

“”Ou!! The sooner the better!””

“”Sui wants to pew pew soon~!””

Fer turned to me with an obnoxious smirk on his face. “We have decided.”

“Gunununu…” Ugh, I want to punch that smug face… maybe we should have more vegetables today? “Fine, whatever. I’ll get everything ready by tomorrow. However, since I don’t have a magic stove, don’t complain about what we eat later.”

“Hmm, is the magic tool that important for delicious food?” Fer muttered. “Oi, just buy another one.”

“I can’t, there’s no such thing in a city like Carelina. I heard that Ronkainen has them, but…”

“Then, we should go to Ronkainen,” said Grandpa Gon. “I believe I know the way.”

“No, wait. Ronkainen is situated on the border between the Republic of Quinn and some small war-mongering countries. It isn’t safe there.”

“Not safe? Surely that has nothing to do with us?” Fer sneered.

““Wow, my weak Master is a weakling at heart.””

Dora-chan…

“”Sui will protect Aruji~~””

“Ah, Sui-tan is still the best~” I said. “Fine, after we destroyed the Rubanov Church we’ll go to Ronkainen.”

“Umu, for delicious food!”

“Delicious food, yes, a very good reason indeed.”

“”Delicious food!!””

“”Yummy food~!!””

Ah, as expected of my gluttonous quartet.

“Kukuku, a border country with a group of small countries, hmm?”

Hey, Fer, what’s with that creepy smile?

I… have a bad feeling about this.

Anyway, I tried not to think about Fer and his schemes as I settled down to prepare for the oncoming trip.

Aside from food for our trip, I have to let my servants know and make sure they have everything they need while I’m away.

Luckily, everyone already know the routine well and things went on swimmingly.

After this, I must make sure to inform the Adventurer’s Guild about my travelling via GG Airways before I get into trouble again.

When asked where I planned to go, I can’t exactly say that I’m heading toward the Holy Nation to destroy their church, so I just say something like, ‘Oh, to Ronkainen and a few other places…”

That night, I made an offering to Demiurgos-sama. It was a little earlier than usual, but I wanted to speak with him about our oncoming trip.

Naturally, saké made up the main contribution. I prepared a set of gold medal winning saké along with two bottles of plum wine as well as a set of luxury canned food.

[2]

“Ahem, so, uh, we’ll be setting out to Rubanov soon and, well, I guess the plan is to attack the church and church leaders, but leave the people alone.”

“Sounds like a good plan, it is unfortunate that it has come to this, but needs must,” said Demiurgos-sama.

“Hopefully, the people won’t be too upset…”

“Umu, it is always difficult to have one’s belief’s shaken, but it is ultimately better for the people.”

“I see…”

Well, now that I literally have God’s approval to attack a Holy Nation, I felt much better.

On the day of our departure, everyone looked excited. In fact, they looked like they were setting out for a picnic…

My servants came out to see us off.

I waved at them, “See you soon!”

With that, we left for the Holy Nation of Rubanov.

[Gumihou: Practically rewrite the whole thing, but with the same message.]

[1] Deleted stuff:

[1a] Deleted meandering scene about what happened earlier etc, because we just came from the . About 150 words worth.

[1b] Deleted meandering reason why he had to make more food. Draggy.

[2] The ‘plan’ was rather vague and not voiced out as dialogue. Just ‘there’s a plan, Demiurgos-sama nodded and agreed’.

Gumi was like: … that’s it?