Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

We finally landed on the island where we would set up camp for the night.

It was time for me to prepare dinner, but, I have a dilemma.

My familiars are demanding Murder Turtle meat.

“I don’t know how to cook that thing,” I said as I folded my arms and glared at them.

“Since it is Master, I’m sure you can manage it.”

“Umu, it’s Master after all.”

“”Yeah! Master is the best at this!””

“”Aruji~~ please~~””

“Haaaahhh…”

Which is why I am now staring at the grotesque lump of meat on my table. The actual meat itself was a dark red, but for some reason, the dungeon decided to not trim the ugly-looking skin off.

Whyyy??

It’s like selling chickens with their heads and feet attached at supermarkets!

I guess… the first thing I should do is the salt and pepper taste test?

Ugh, even though it looked terrible, I must endure and cut off a small piece and pan-fry it…

I poked at the sizzling meat on the pan with my chopsticks and frowned.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, this isn’t the first turtle meat you eat, remember? Soft-shelled turtles and Murder snake-headed Turtles are all turtles, so it should be fine, right? Right.”

Ugh.

I threw the tiny piece of meat into my mouth and chewed gingerly.

“… …” I guess it’s kind of beefy? Pork-ish? Tasted kind of like chicken?

Mmm… the texture is hard to describe, but if I have to say something about it, I think smells kind of like mutton?

Anyway, it tasted completely different from Big Bite Turtle, in other words, this is nothing like a soft-shelled turtle.

I’m not sure what to do about the texture yet, but the muttony smell could be dealt with through various herbs and spices. That’s right let’s panfry the next piece of meat using some herb salt.

Speaking of which, I should probably strip the bones off since meat closer to bones has the strongest smell. Eh, whatever, the bones are pretty soft, so let’s just cook everything. No, before that, I should strip off this ugly skin… Ugh, why did the dungeon include the skin on this meat?

Hmm, grilled or pan-fried meat with herbed salt seems to be good. I could maybe make a broth with the bones? For now, let’s slice the meat down and pan-fry them with herb salt.

“Umu, not bad, but turtle meat is best as hotpot.”

“Indeed, I agree. This is not bad, but hotpot imbues the most wonderful flavour into the meat.”

[1] Etc etc

Whack!!

These complainers were starting to piss me off. I wrenched the knife off the cutting board and ground out, “I worked so hard to strip that ugly skin off this grotesque-looking meat that you insisted on eating and yet all I get are complaints from you?” I growled, whacking my knife indiscriminately through more meat.

Whack!! Whack!! Whack!!

“O-oh my, this refreshing herbed scent, you can’t get this with a hotpot!”

“U-umu, it’s meat, I’m happy…”

“”Y-yeah, not bad! Not bad!””

“”Yummy~~ everything Aruji makes is yummy~~?””

Sui, is that a question mark at the end of your sentence?

“Hahhh… whatever, since you are the ones who insisted you want to eat this horrible-looking thing, keep eating.”

The four of them obediently begin to eat, now and then spouting some nonsense about how ‘refreshing’ and ‘unique’ it tasted.

Like I said, your fault. [2]

In contrast, the [Ark] members were happily eating the Murder Turtle, chomping at the meat and stripping the bones with their teeth.

“I never thought Murder Turtles would be edible…”

“Or so delicious,”

“Indeed, it is unexpectedly good.”

“Meat… good…”

“Compared to how it looks, it sure is unexpectedly delicious!”

“Bahahaha!!”

Humph, now that’s what I called appreciative customers. I supposed Fer and the rest are too spoilt. As for the [Ark], I think that so long as I don’t serve them anything freshly cooked and not too dubious, they would be very happy to have a hot meal in these dungeons.

“Ahh, to be able to eat to my heart’s content is so amazing~”

“Ou, if I could get some beer~~”

Nope, don’t even think about it, you alcoholic Dwarf!

“Fresh meat…”

The rave reviews I’m getting from [Ark] totally made everything worth it.

“Only…”

“Hm…”

“Indeed…”

“… …”

“Eh, what’s with this gloomy atmosphere?” I shot over cheerfully as I set another large plate of meat in front of them. “Come on, eat up, eat up, there’s more where that came from~~”

“Haahh… this is exactly the problem,” said Gaudino-san.

“I- I can’t bear to even think about it, sob,”

Gideon-san, are you actually shedding tears?

“It’s inevitable, so let us enjoy while we can,” was Siegwald-san’s enigmatic answer.

“Sad…”

“Eh, what? Why?”

“It’s nothing, Mukouda-san. This is our party’s own problem. It’s just… now that we have gotten used to eating like this… it would be quite difficult to revert back to the original lifestyle…”

“…of hardtacks,”

“…water…”

“…dry meat…”

Suddenly, all four people stared at me with burning eyes.

“Eh?” I took a couple of steps back. “Wha-”

Suddenly, I get the impression that I was seeing a digital sign floating above their heads. The blue digital sign that said:

[ARK] WOULD LIKE TO BE YOUR FRIEND

BEFRIEND THEM

YES/NO

What the-

I blinked twice and… the sign disappeared. Did I hallucinate it?

Whatever.

I saw nothing.

Nothing I say!

I turned around and shoved Panfried Murder Turtle Meat into my mouth and washed it down with rice.

Nope, nope, nope.

The deal was for me to provide food for our dungeon challenge. The duration only lasts so long as we are in this dungeon. I already have my hands full with this gluttonous quartet.

I refuse to be responsible for your meals forever!

[Gumihou: A short chapter, cut off fillers that pushed it to over 1000 words. Trust me, you won’t miss it.]

[1] Rinse and repeat, I guess Eguchi Ren ran out of ideas

[2] Deleted some old worries that really should not be here.