Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Eguchi Ren: Thank you to everyone who bought the books and manga!

So, the large hill before us is the Dragon Turtle.

There is a large hill-like Dragon Turtle in front of us.

The creature before us was as large as a… anyway, I’m sure you get it.

“How the heck are you going to take down something this big?” I said out loud, not expecting anyone to answer.

“Umu,”

“Well…”

The two most powerful familiars began, but they were cut off by Sui and Dora-chan.

“”Sui wants to fight~! Sui wants to fight~!””

“”Ou! Let us have a go!! Let us! Let us!””

Before I could say anything, Fer said, “Of course, go ahead.”

“”Yay~!!””

“”Ou!!””

Ice Pillars formed in the air and stabbed towards the Dragon Turtle.

Crack-! Crack-! Crack-! Crack-!

Crack-! Crack-!

The Ice Pillars smashed to pieces against the hard shell.

“”Tsk!””

“”Sui next~! Sui next~!””

Pew-! Pew-! Pew-!

Large Acid Bullets struck the shell. There was a visible sizzle, but when the smoke disappeared, although we could see that some of the spiked shell bits had been melted, it did not penetrate the shell at all.

“”Hm~?””

“”Grrr, what’s with that stupidly strong shell?”” Dora-chan grumbled as he flew in angry loops around the space.

The Dragon Turtle did not move even after the attacks.

““Gununu~! Sui will melt you~~!!””

Pew!! Pew!! Pew!!

Even bigger Acid Bullets struck the creature. The result was… the same…

“”Sui! We have to change our strategy!”” called Dora-chan.

“”Muu~ Sui is strong~!”” [1]

Sui was bouncing in place very angrily.

““Yeahhh, but we need to use strategy. If one thing doesn’t work, we gotta use another,”” said Dora-chan. “”Take that!!””

The ground rumbled, and suddenly, a section of the earth shot up from under the Dragon Turtle. It came up from such an awkward angle that it tipped the mountain-like Dragon Turtle over. Even with all the commotion, the Dragon Turtle did not stick a single tail or foot out.

““Kukuku, your shell is pretty hard, but what about your underbelly~?””

Ice Pillars formed in the air and stabbed into the underbelly of the Dragon Turtle.

Suddenly, a muffled ‘Guwooo—!!’ was heard.

A few of Dora-chan’s Ice Pillars managed to partially penetrate the belly of the beast. The injuries were clearly non-fatal, but the Dragon Turtle obviously felt it.

““Take that! In fact, have some moree!!!””

Another Ice Pillar formed in the sky, this time, it was a single huge pillar of ice.

“”Hah!!!””

Guoooooo—!!!

“”Amazing~! Amazing~!”” Sui was bouncing up and down excitedly in place.

“Um,” I said, “will he win?”

“Unclear, though turning it upside down is a good move,” said Grandpa Gon.

“Umu,”

They both looked… excited. Am I the only one feeling pity for the poor Dragon Turtle that had been minding its own business but was suddenly flipped upside down by the unexpected menace called Dora-chan?

Aren’t Pixie Dragons meant to be cute?

“”Oi! Is it coming out?”” Dora-chan hollered. “”Sui, your turn! Chop its head off when you see it!””

“”Ye~es~”” said Sui in her sweetest and cutest Sui voice.

No, no, no, don’t come out—!!

I thought desperately.

However, it was too late. Per Dora-chan’s egging, as soon as the head was extended enough to expose its neck, water shot out of Sui like a razor-sharp blade.

Guoo—!

“”Ehhh… Sui did not cut it through…””

“”Who cares? We won!””

Indeed, the head was flopping sadly by one side of the neck, probably only attached by the flap of its incredibly strong skin. However, all the important bits necessary for breathing and thinking had been severed. Furthermore, it was on its back, therefore, the most vulnerable bit, the underside of its neck was exposed…

““We won~ we won~””

What happened was insanely violent and cruel. How could- this is-

Sui and Dora-chan were bouncing and flying around, cheerfully celebrating their win against a gigantic beast.

“What is this insane violence,” I muttered to myself.

“Good, I get the next one. Found it already,” said Fer with great satisfaction.

“Wait, a-again? Isn’t one good enough?” I pointed a shaky finger at the upside-down mountain that was bleeding sticky blood from its neck. The neck that had been severed by Sui no less.

“What are you saying, this is a hunt. Therefore, we shall hunt.”

“No, wait-”

“Dragon Turtles are not as good to eat as Leviathans, but they are good enough.”

“That’s beside the point, I mean. Surely there’s no need to hunt more?!”

“Master, I wish to hunt too,” said Grandpa Gon.

“Wait, you too!” I had been hoping that he would be the voice of reason, but instead, he wants to hunt too?!

“Well, it is a hunting ground after all,”

“Don’t you dare use that reasonable tone at me!”

“But Master, isn’t it natural for predators to hunt?”

[2] “U-ughh…” I really don’t want to think about it, but now… I think there’s something strange with my familiars’ eyes. Ugh, I suddenly thought back to that time when my sister showed me a magazine article about ‘herbivore men’ and told me that ‘you are totally a herbivore, oniisan!’

[2] Fine! I’ll admit it! I’m a herbivore man! A herbivore stuck between these crazy hunting carnivorous fanatics!!

Still, I tried my best to make one more appeal on behalf of all herbivores. Wait, are Dragon Turtle herbivores?

“H-hey, if you overhunt them, Dragon Turtles will go extinct, you know?”

“Kuuuh—”

“Guuuh—“

“I-it’s fine, there are signs of breeding. In fact, there are a few cubs around somewhere…”

I looked around the flattened plain pointedly before turning my glare at Grandpa Gon, “You said you nearly hunted them into extinction.”

“Th-that is why I did not hunt them all. I left the cubs alone…”

I continued to glare for a little longer before sighing and saying, “Fine, you two get one each. No more, understand?”

The two of them nodded reluctantly.

Sheesh, they make me feel like I was the one in the wrong for not letting them do as they like. As though I’m rationing their meat by the gram instead of telling them not to decimate the local ecosystem.

After making sure that I had properly exerted my dominance, I put the Dragon Turtle with the flopping head away. Next, it was time to go after Fer’s prey.

The next Dragon Turtle we came across was a slightly small walking mountain. Perhaps feeling the strong presence of Fer and Grandpa Gon, it quickly retracked its head and limbs into its shell.

“Right,” a sadistic grin crossed Fer’s face. “Let’s do this.”

Dogooon— baribaribaribaribaribariiii——

Dogooon— baribaribaribaribaribariiii——

Dogooon— baribaribaribaribaribariiii——

Huge bolts of lightning struck the mountain. There was nothing I could do but crouch behind Grandpa Gon with my hands over my ears and my eyes tightly closed until…

“Oi, what are you doing? It’s over,” came an infuriatingly familiar smug voice.

I slowly opened my eyes, more annoyed by the thought of having to see a certain smug face than-

“Woah, it’s completely cracked!”

“Of course,”

I was too busy gaping at the sight of the cracked-open creature to be annoyed by Fer’s smug face.

““Tch, as expected,””

“”Uncle Fer is amazing~~””

“Humph, this much is natural, humph.”

I’m not sure why, but Fer sounded a little… dissatisfied? Am I imagining it?

“My turn next.”

Ah, I had nearly forgotten about Grandpa Gon.

Well, after putting away the broken Dragon Turtle (please accept my sincerest apologies…) we went after the next Dragon Turtle, which was found almost immediately thanks to Fer’s overwhelming ability to track things down.

The third creature was the same size as the one Fer took down earlier.

“Umu, how are you going to do it?”

“The best way, of course,” said Grandpa Gon. Then, he stepped forward and grew bigger and bigger until he was back to his original size.

The next thing I knew, Grandpa Gon flew forward to grab the Dragon Turtle and, with a mighty flap of his leathery wings, propelled upwards like a rocket. The huge black dragon eventually became the size of a pea.

“Eh?”

The pea split into two. One remained in the air while the other was growing bigger and bigger and…

“Run for cover!!!” I screamed, doing exactly that.

There was nowhere to hide in this flat, featureless land except behind Fer, and you bet I did exactly that!

Booom—!!!

Sudden air pressure gushed forward and, even while hiding behind Fer, dust particles that struck me hurt a bit. For a moment, there was nothing to see but a huge dust cloud. Dora-chan and Sui were clinging to Fer’s back, having nearly been blown away by the impact.

When Fer suddenly stood up, I nearly fell over. All of us walked to the centre of the impact together curious to see what happened to the creature. There was a depression right in the middle and Fer curled his lips judgementally. “Tch, what a barbaric way of hunting.”

Grandpa Gon’s wings flapped as he landed gently by the crater, “I don’t think you have the right to say that to me.”

I totally agree with that statement. Even so, I had to say it.

“Grandpa Gon, you call that hunting?” I said, pointing at the broken Dragon Turtle lying in bits of dust and shattered shell pieces.

“It’s the best way to take down hard shell creatures.”

“… …” Well, it’s not like I can deny that.

“”That was amazing!!”” Dora-chan screeched.

““Grandpa Gon is amazing~~ Amazing~~””

“”Woah, to drop something from such a great height, I never tried it before!! What a dynamic way of hunting!!””

“Hohoho, you praise me too much,”

“Kuuuhh— my way is better…”

“We are never coming back here again!!” I snapped.

“Eh?”

“What?”

“”Oi!””

“”Aruji~?””

I was shaking in place now. I thought back to all the horrors that I had just witnessed. Pierced in the belly by a pillar of ice, neck lopped off, lightning strikes and now dropped to death from a great height.

All three of these poor creatures had died a pathetic death!

I’m so sorry for bringing destruction to your people.

I will never let these guys come here anymore!

So.

Please rest in peace.

[Gumihou: Woah, that’s… harsh]

[1] Delete the repetitive ‘me strong!’ and ‘ahaha’ which is also oddly out of character.

[2] Added this bit, since it seems appropriate