Villain Cultivator (Web Novel)

'I hate you, though. Of course, I don't hate my SIMP dao gods.'

[Your sponsor is heartbroken. He is sobbing in a corner.]

Miaomiao scratched his head and sighed. It seemed that the strange energy that Dion had warned him was the virus inside Liu Bian's soul or his Heavenly Fate Fragment.

Now, he felt like a fool, who had downloaded a virus file from a porn website.

'Dion, babe, you should have warned me earlier about the virus.'

[…]

Dion didn't reply, but Miaomiao could tell that she was still there. Had Dion been consumed or disappeared, there should have been a notification or instant messages whenever he asked for something.

It didn't take 10 seconds for Dion to return.

Ding

[Your system is currently quarantining her consciousness from external beings' intervention.]

[Macho Joshua has logged into your system with Dion's permission.

[Macho Joshua has inspected the Anti-Virus Program.]

[Macho Joshua has discovered the source of the irregular activities!]

[Macho Joshua has disabled all system's permissions of your sponsor!]

[Macho Joshua has deleted several virus files in your system.]

[Daotube-Backdoor.exe has been quarantined and deleted.]

[Daologger.xls has been quarantined and deleted.]

[Daosnatcher.bat has been quarantined and deleted.]

[Ransomware.exe has been quarantined and deleted.]

[Macho Joshua has filed a lawsuit against your sponsor for his illegal activities.]

[Macho Joshua has flagged your sponsor's channel for his illegal activities.]

"… Wow."

A new badass constellation suddenly appeared and did something to his system. He even counterattacked against the devil in his stead.

["Hello, this is your friendly DG, MACHO JOSHUA!!"]

"…"

Miaomiao wasn't surprised anymore. Buddha became OG-Buddha, then why wouldn't Jesus became MACHO. He couldn't help imagine Jesus on the cross with the Hulk's physique.

That felt weird.

["I've cleaned your system. That devil shouldn't be a problem anymore."]

'Hello, Macho God. Thanks for your help.'

["No problem! That idiot may be vengeful and stubborn, but he's a noob hacker. As long as you don't absorb something weird with your energy-drain signature type abilities, he shouldn't be able to hijack your system again."]

["Also, I've contacted my Trumpet Alliance. They will visit that devil and do something about him shortly."]

Miaomiao gave Jesus a thumbs up. He didn't mind having a baptism and join a church now since their god was so efficient and friendly.

["During the meantime, I shall monitor your system and protect you until the subscription period is over. Make sure to fill the application form if you want to activate the auto-resub option. Just so you know, the first year subscription cost one Heavenly Fate Fragment, but the second year onward only cost a tenth of Heavenly Fate Fragment. You will instantly get 12 years' worth of protection if you choose to resub before the deadline!"]

Miaomiao took it back. This Capitalism Jesus was definitely a Catholic!

Ding

[Macho Joshua has adjusted the observer permissions.]

[From now on, observing dao gods may give you side-quests. However, they can not force you to do their bidding by imposing heavy penalties as a threat. All quests are now optional, and you can choose to decline or cancel them whenever you want!]

"OH!!"

That was what Miaomiao had been dying for – A system that wouldn't manipulate him or force a quest on him! As long as Jesus or other dao gods could never force him to do anything all the time, Miaomiao could finally chill and take it slow, building his strength at his pace.

Even if protagonists might show up, he had Lu Fengxian and several strong guys as his allies. Miaomiao could even pretend to be a neutral NPC and stay out of new protagonists' radars.

Ding

[Macho Joshua has established a new Daotube Channel, Mao Miaomiao's MACHO LIFE.]

[From now on, dao gods may spectate your daily life and donate to you directly. Companies or various immortal organizations may request to put an ad on your channel and give you various perks, items, or cash.]

[Due to your mortal status, Macho Joshua has designated himself as your Dao Guardian. He is obliged to protect you from immortals and external beings while you're a resident of Heavenly Goose Planet. In return, he shall take a 90% cut from your channel's official income, except the direct donations.]

[Macho Joshua has returned the system administrator status to Dion.]

[Your system, KONO DION DA, has regained her authority over the system and Mao Miaomiao's MACHO LIFE channel.]

Ding

[MACHO Joshua has subscribed to your channel.]

[Kunwu has subscribed to your channel.]

[Tilted Hongjun has subscribed to your channel.]

[Sun Crow has subscribed to your channel.]

[OG-Buddha has subscribed to your channel.]

Even though Jesus was a capitalist, his service was professional. Not only he got rid of the devil, but he also established a new channel for Miaomiao to reap the profits. Still, the 90% cut was nasty, but Miaomiao had no choice.

[Heya, I'm back!]

Moreover, Dion returned safely. Since his girl was okay, Miaomiao felt like tipping Jesus for his amazing job.

Ding

[Anonymous Devil has subscribed to your channel.]

Miaomiao was about to celebrate, but the sixth subscriber irked him. He didn't want him in this channel.

"Miaomiao, what are you doing talking to yourself?"

While Miaomiao was staring at the semi-transparent screens, Jia Shan floated next to him, wondering what his disciple was thinking.

"Oh, uh, nothing. I'm just absentminded."

"I thought you were being possessed by that prince's spirit or something."

Miaomiao broke a sweat. His sword mentor was too sharp sometimes, "It's nothing. I just accidentally absorbed a strand of shadow element Qi, and it takes a while to eject it. That's all."

"I see…"

Jia Shan gave Miaomiao an odd look as if he was dissatisfied with his current carefree attitude. He knew that Miaomiao could be reckless most of the time, but he had enough strength to recover himself from predicaments.

Still, Miaomiao had several major flaws that needed to be fixed.

"Have I told you that your Vampiric Touch Technique is derived from a demon clan? It's not good if you keep using demonic art even if it can grant you instant power-ups. One day, you will probably absorb something sinister by accident and get yourself killed. If you have a better cultivation technique, you'd better switch to the new one right away."

Jia Shan reminded Miaomiao about the flaws in his favorite technique. He had seen the latter abusing this skill so many times, and it worried him.

He was afraid that Miaomiao would turn into someone like Fu De.

"… I'll keep that in mind," Miaomiao also thought of Fu De. He swore that he wouldn't degrade his bloodline into a vampire.

"Anyway, just in case you didn't notice, Ju Xie has already entered the gate."

As Miaomiao was busy with his system, the child emperor had already entered the gate. Jia Shan reminded what Miaomiao had been missing before he rejoined with Ma Ping and Ju Shoufen.

The group floated in front of the giant gate, which had already been closed. They waited for Ju Xie to bring them the rumor record book, which was the copy of a time-and-space mural of the Liu Clan.

Being reminded of the mural piece, Miaomiao asked the devil, who might be observing him at the moment.

'Hey, my ex-sponsor. Are you there?'

[Enabling Anonymous Devil's chat permission.]

[Anonymous Devil is annoyed, "What do you want?"]

'You owe me a mural piece. I killed Liu Bian, but you haven't given me any reward yet.'

["What mural piece?"]

Miaomiao rolled his eyes as he fetched a quest log.

…

Quest Rewards

1. Obtain any item of your choice from this world. (Your sponsor will steal the item from a local cultivator of this mortal world and give it to you. It doesn't matter if it's a piece of time-and-space mural, the max-upgraded pylon tower from the strongest clan of Holy Land Continent, or any heavenly artifact as long as it exists in your world.)

2. Enable 5th-stage advancement.

3. Increase your dantian capacity by 100 billion liters.

4. 100 billion liters of Life Essence will be added to your dantian.

5. A random supply box from your sponsor.

…

Miaomiao had already received quest reward number two to five. However, Dion was unable to give him the first reward since the devil didn't deposit the items beforehand. As such, Miaomiao extorted the devil for the prize.

["You're no longer my vessel. You have no right to ask for a reward or help from me."]

'Now, you're admitting that I was your VESSEL! You had been tricking me, I see.'

[Anonymous Devil clicks his tongue in frustration.]

[Anonymous Devil has logged out.]

The loser left.

Miaomiao sighed in pity. He wished that he could get the third piece of time-and-space mural with the devil's help. Unfortunately, their relationship wouldn't be the same anymore as Miaomiao was now in control of his channel.

As Miaomiao had a lot of free time at hand, he began to sort his system inventory. He fetched the newly acquired supply box and placed it outside.

When Miaomiao brought it out from his inventory, the item icon became a sealed glass coffin with a naked silicone doll of an attractive woman inside.

He sensed a déjà vu.

"I have been in this place before…"

Miaomiao almost sang a Eurobeat song. Had he been driving, he could have enacted the meme.

[The Legendary Tofu Delivery Driver has been summoned.]

[The Legendary Tofu Delivery Driver has subscribed to your channel.]

'Sorry, Takumi. I'm not a racer or a driver. You should go observe a protagonist that has been reincarnated as a truck-kun or something similar.'

[The Legendary Tofu Delivery Driver is disappointed.]

[The Legendary Tofu Delivery Driver has unsubscribed your channel.]

Miaomiao ignored the meme dao god. He put the sealed coffin back to his inventory as he had learned from the past mistakes.

He wouldn't unseal the coffin and let whatever monster loose in the real world. Instead, he would unseal it in ITS and exploit the auto-resurrection feature had things went south.

Fortunately, nobody noticed the coffin as they were too focused on the gate.

"Whew."

[Kunwu is curious about what inside the coffin.]

[Sun Crow thinks it might be another prank from the devil.]

[Tilted Hongjun wonders if it is a combat marionette.]

[OG-Buddha is happy that you reeled in your carnal desire.]

[OG-Buddha has blessed you.]

[Your sexual desire and sexual sensitivity have increased by 500% for 24 hours.]

'You're supposed to prevent me from indulging in carnal desire, not boosting it!'

Miaomiao screamed inwardly as OG-Buddha pranked Miaomiao. Now, he had a steel erection, and it leaked pre-cum.

Because of his sex drive, his bloodshot eyes found Ju Shoufen's perky little buttocks. However, as many seniors were around, Miaomiao bit the tip of his tongue to control his urge.

10 minutes

30 minutes

An hour

Three hours passed since Ju Xie had entered the gate. Yet, he hadn't come out.

The elders began to get restless. They circled around the giant gate, wondering when Ju Xie would come out.

Meanwhile, Miaomiao had already counted one to a million in his mind. Unfortunately, his pants were about to burst as the erection and the urge became unbearable.

Since Miaomiao couldn't use Ju Shoufen. He sat on the ground next to the exit gate. Then, he meditated, trying to fall asleep.

As Miaomiao got used to sleeping in this position, his consciousness entered Isolation Training Space within a minute.

…

Inside ITS, Miaomiao returned to the grass meadow. The horizon seemed to have been expanded, and the black hole in the sky, the backup dantian, was still as menacing as ever.

Miaomiao didn't care about the changes of this place. He spread his Qi sense to find a certain sex doll. Once he found Xu Chu, he dashed toward her, who was minding her business sleeping peacefully on the soft grassland.

The lustful idiot opened her legs and penetrated Xu Chu in her sleep right away!

PA PA PA

"…"

Xu Chu opened her eyes halfway and stared at Miaomiao, who seemed intoxicated by a BLESSING. She had a deep frown on her face as she shook her head in annoyance. Yet, she allowed the pervert to ravish her body as he pleased.

Miaomiao didn't notice a floating orb in the space. After he had devoured Liu Bian's empty Heavenly Fate Fragment and his soul fragments, a new resident of Isolation Training Space was born.

Floating Life Essence gathered around the soul fragments. A fetus of a human child manifested in mid-air.

As soon as a new member appeared, Xu Chu glanced at the newborn soul for a moment. Then, she snickered.

"Brat," Xu Chu pushed Miaomiao's stomach, stopping him temporarily.

"Yeah?"

"Have you devoured a soul recently?"

"Right," Miaomiao recalled that he had absorbed Liu Bian's soul fragments and got himself into trouble. He also wanted to consult Xu Chu about how to deal with it. "I've eaten one recently. Do you know how to digest or destroy it?"

"Digesting a soul will turn you into a monster, body and soul. Samsara God will also declare you as a heretic and put a bounty on you. Are you sure you want to become enemies of orthodox immortals and dao gods?"

"Erm, maybe not. Then, how do I destroy it?"

"You also can't. A soul needs to be returned to the Samsara River to be recycled or reincarnated. All mortal souls have brands on them, so you can't destroy them. If you want those nasty orthodox immortal clans like the Fang Clan or the Meng Clan that can freely enter mortal worlds to come after your ass, be my guest, but don't get me involved."

Miaomiao's boner was killed. He began to worry about his future. If Miaomiao were to release Liu Bian's soul fragments to the Samsara or whatever its name was, he would live a short life as a villain since Liu Bian would 100% come back for his life.

"Then, what should I do with it since Liu Bian can definitely reincarnate and retain his memory in his previous life. I'm certain that he will come after me in a few decades if I were to let him go!"

Xu Chu laughed and pointed at the floating fetus several hundred meters away from their location.

"Simple, tamper his soul, brainwash him, and reincarnate him as your familiar!"