Will of chaos

Chapter 1274 Cap 1272: I'm selfish for you

I wake up in the same room and look up, there were the branches of a small tree bearing flowers of different colors each petal, when I get up I see the state of the tree that Freya has become. 

"Don't be sorry, it's disrespectful to her wishes." (Diana) 

"You can understand, as a Champion of a God followed the most appropriate training and I'm sure the God Fenrir would do nothing to kill her in her training." (I) 

"But those three chose to throw themselves into a power beyond my control blindly, just imagining the possibility of my power causing their deaths is paralyzing... unbearable on a level I don't know how to describe..." (I) 

I could feel her long before approaching this place, the ferocity she emanates is as natural as her breathing, when she entered I felt her eyes not on me, but on the tree just like me, and doing so without turning to look at her. 

"This decision was ours, Ibuki may have been the first to speak, but we had all been thinking about it for a while." (Diana) 

"I don't know how to react, even now I don't know whether to scream at you, hug you, or stay in the fetal position fearing something that fortunately didn't happen." (I) 

"That's why you haven't reached out to any of us until now?" (Diana) 

"That's why you've been hiding in that room for almost a week?" (Diana) 

"Yes, I don't know what to think even now because one of you is still at risk, Silvia told me that perhaps Freya will never return to normal, her Soul is also at risk of not supporting her transformation... the one who wakes up can very Well, it's not even her..." (I) 

"SHUT UP! It wasn't this Zenos I fell in love with and it wasn't this Zenos we chose to follow!" (Diana) 

Diana pulls me by the shoulder with such force that just the pressure of my body turning makes the dust in the entire room rise, then she grabs my shirt, lifting my small body to the level of her fierce eyes. 

"None of us want to be protected by you while we are powerless every time you return with your body in pieces!" (Diana) 

"Do you have any idea how we felt in the Morror Kingdom when that body was almost destroyed or how we felt when it returned from the Moon now in your hand in a state where it took 2 Deities and the Saint Primordial of Life to save your life!?" (Diana) 

Tears 

"We want to be by your side! We want to protect you just like you've always been there to protect us! We want to be by your side and not hiding behind your back while your blood splatters with every step forward!!!" (Diana) 

Tears 

"What you're feeling right now is something we went through every time you lost consciousness, always wondering if you'll wake up and if there will be any consequences!" (Diana) 

Tears 

"None of us can bear this pain and this helplessness... we can no longer accept this weakness..." (Diana) 

Tears 

"..." (I) 

Tears 

With each sentence of hers, her eyes glowed with more desire as her ferocity sank deeper and deeper into fear and sadness, her eyes beginning to fill with tears that flowed as her screams became heavier. 

In the end, tears also started streaming down my face as my hands held Diana's face like the most precise thing there was. 

"I understand... but I won't apologize for my hypocrisy..." (I) 

Tears 

"You're a bastard... a selfish bastard..." (Diana) 

Tears 

"Yes I am and I will continue to be, your safety to me is more important than any stupid honor." (I) 

Tears 

"You bastard..." (Diana) 

"Such a bastard who loves you more than anything in this world." (I) 

I knew my thinking was selfish and hypocritical, I was doing exactly the things they did now, making stupid decisions without knowing the consequences hoping for the best, but I didn't care, I'm far from perfect and their safety was more important to me than anything. 

I wiped the tears from her eyes and closed the few inches away from our faces to steal her lips for a few dozen seconds before we separated with her reluctantly letting me go. 

"This kiss doesn't change that I'm mad at you." (Diana) 

"It doesn't change anything I said before, every time you're in danger I'll do everything I can to be there, I don't care what you say or think about me as long as you're safe." (I) 

"Then we'll be so strong to be by your side on the front lines, to the point where we'll be protecting you from another stupid decision you'll make sooner or later." (Diana) 

She sat up pulling me into her lap as she hugged me, our eyes looking at Freya. 

"Freya will be fine, she is strong and only makes a decision when she is sure." (Diana) 

"I know, but until I see it well, the shadow of that tree won't leave my mind." (I) 

"How are the others?" (I) 

"Kira is fine, she tried to stop me from coming here saying you needed time to think." (Diana) 

"She's right, I have a lot to think about, be it about the Gods, about the Dungeon, about the young people that Magnus trained, about the Divine Weapons, about the Church of Light, about the Apostles of Truth, about an Evil God of the mind being our guest, to say the least, about you and especially about what we are going to do from now on." (I) 

"But I can't think about any of that, not while Freya is like this, a constant reminder of what Ibuki and the others did that could have led to a very different outcome." (I) 

"Still I couldn't sit still, I was irritated at being ignored all this time and irritated at you being locked in here all the time." (Diana) 

"And the others?" (I) 

"Ibuki became a training Demon, she doesn't say anything, but she is feeling anxiety and fear of her reaction, out of all of us she is the one who seeks your approval the most." (Diana) 

"In Ibuki's mind, all this came from me, I was the first to extend my hand to her who has been with me since my weakest state, all her power comes from me, and my image in her mind has never changed since I was a Goblin." (I) 

I tried everything to make Ibuki connect more directly with other people and places, but as I have always been by her side I know that she always associates everything with me, making my figure in her mind become bigger and bigger, her obsession with me is the pillar of her mind to the point of fanaticism, which I don't think is healthy for her. 

"That will never change, just leave her." (Diana) 

"Anything to say about Érica?" (I) 

"That one scares me, she's thinking of ways to get you out of here and talk to her again, her curses are getting more and more..." (Diana) 

Cough Cough 

"Stop it, I can imagine." (I) 

Sigh 

Érica has always been like this, she is not one to wait around, she has always been as aggressive as Diana, but her methods are more cunning and patient in her actions, which is much more frightening. 

"(I have to look them all up later before a tragedy happens.)" (I) 

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The next day I was using a cane to walk, I had some broken bones still healing, bite marks on my arms and shoulders, and claw marks on my back and chest, I was also physically exhausted by the time I managed to drag myself out of bed. 

This time I went straight out of the Dungeon thinking about clearing my head while giving my body time to heal. 

"You finally decided to leave? Why are you like this?" (Yaramaki) 

"< Pulse of Life >" (Yaramaki) 

My heart gave a loud thump as warm energy flowed through it to my entire body, my once worn out body was recovering normally in milliseconds as I dropped the makeshift cane I made. 

"Thank you, Santa." (I) 

"Call me like you did my separate part." (Yaramaki) 

"I don't know if I should, we just met..." (I) 

"It may seem that way to you, but she and I are one and the same person." (Yaramaki) 

I heard that the Saint of Life only recovered so quickly after absorbing High Priestess Yara, a clone of her made with her power. 

"They are not unique individuals, they have echoes of my Soul and copies of my mind, I use them to experience life from multiple perspectives that I cannot in my real body." (Yaramaki) 

"I know, my sister told you about it, but it's hard to change the perception that I just met you, it's going to take me a while to do that." (I) 

As we spoke we went outside the bone base in space, the Dungeon had been set up there since the Planetary battle. 

When we went outside, a whole new world was shining in countless colors with dozens of energy rings pulsing around it in different colors. 

"That's an incredibly beautiful sight." (I) 

"Life is full of moments like this, truly beautiful if it weren't for the meaning behind this beauty being the reconstruction of the life of an entire Star System." (Yaramaki) 

"Sorry, it seems like I once again made a mistake without realizing it." (I) 

"No need to worry, you did what you thought was right, you took a path that allowed the Wills of the Worlds of this Estar System to live, don't apologize for that." (Yaramaki) 

"Many Planets disappear, most of them destroyed, others devoured and some becoming strange creatures, this case is just one among them." (Yaramaki) 

It reminds me of the Undead Planet that looked like a Golem I saw in the past and the Planet that is actually a Ghost Serpent that Hela talked about, even the world I'm seeing surrounded by colorful energy rings is actually a Divine Beast of Life that looks like a Planet. 

I just see the energy pulsing through flows of raw energy traveling towards other planets in the surroundings, I couldn't track the entire route with my senses due to the long distance, but it's incredible that these dead worlds can still be reborn full of life one day.