NovelEnglishChapter 42
Matteo
My heart sank at the sight of my beautiful wife as she slept away her sorrows. Alena had always been petite but
ever since we lost Marco, she had been losing more weight. She skipped her meals, spent most of her time
staring out the window and deep in her thoughts. My wife was always full of light, wherever she went..
Yet, all | wanted now was to wish for her peace.
The first couple of nights were rough for her as she kept having nightmares and ever since then, | had spent my
nights. staring at her, watching her sleep instead of falling asleep beside her. Just incase she needed someone if
she woke up.
| couldn't sleep even if | wanted to; the pain was too much to bear but Alena's situation was worse than mine,
she needed the support more than me, she could cry her heart out and all | had to do was be there to help her
heal. | had convinced myself to never cry in front of her right now.
Whenever felt the urge to cry, | had locked myself in the bathroom. It would take at least thirty-minutes forto
feel calm and kept on the pretence.
Despite the devastating news, | had never blamed Alena for what happened. It wasn't her fault-as a matter of
fact had blamed myself more than anyone else. If | had taken better care of her, maybe we wouldn't be in this
situation.
It was my fault. Not anyone elses. Not hers.
I slowly grabbed a hold of her hand, caressing the back of it with my thumb.
I missed her smile, her laugh, everything about her. | missed the way her eyes would light up whenever she
looked at me.
shutting herself away. missed the way she reached out to me. Now, | felt as if | had lost her and she was
As much as | hated that, | needed to give her stime.
A tear had slipped my eyes and | quickly wiped it away, not wanting to succumb to the sadness.
Just like that, | saw my wife looking at me.
Neither of us said a word as we stared at each other. Her stare was empty and she had a straight face, leaving
wrap her around my arms but now, | needed to keep reminding myself not to invade her space
"I'm sorry if | woke you," my voice sounded more like a whisper
However, it felt loud. Maybe, just maybe, it was too quiet.
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She didn't move. She didn't blink.
"Alena... "I breathed, slightly pulling her hand closer towardsbut she pulled away.
It was unusual for her to pull away, yet she did it willingly. It was the closest | had been with my wife, feeling the
warmth of her skin but it went away just like that.
Nhad lost our son. | didn't want to lose my wife as well.
"What are you doing?" She asked, as if | was a stranger.
08:33 Wed, Oct 23 GY
Chapter 42
"| couldn't sleep and | thought | could accompany you,"
"By staring at me?"
"Alena, you're my wife. I'm just looking at my wife,"
"Please don't. You've done your part."
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, not understanding the meaning behind her words.
"What do you mean by that?" | asked.
"Admit it, Matteo. Nothing is going to be the safter this,"
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"Everything is the same, Alena. You're still my wife and I'm still your husband-we're married and very much in
love. Not a single thing has changed despite what happened," my response was straight forward and | meant
every single word.
We were going through a tough ttogether and it shouldn't be the cause of our marriage to drift apart. We
were supposed to stay strong, in order for us to heal. We had lost our hope but we couldn't continue to behave
this way, we were risking our relationship. | loved Marco. If | could, | would change every thing that happened
just to make sure my wife was happy-just to make sure our baby had survived. It was out of my power and the
only thing I could save now was our marriage.
"You're just saying that now. What happens next year? In the next two or three years?" She pushed herself up to
on the bed's headboard.
| remained still in my spot, eyeing her every movement.
"You're talking nonsense, Alena. This is not you,"
"This is me, Matteo. I'm talking straight facts here!"
""Don't do that. You don't get to do that." "Do what?"
"Pushingaway. Puttingon the edge."
leaning
When she threw the flowers away earlier today, | didn't waste my tto throw them out when she went
upstairs. She wanted all of them out of her sight and | respected that; she couldn't be in a stressful situation and
| wanted to help her as much as | could. Even if she kept pushingaway. Even if she didn't wantto.
"I'm done talking to you." She looked away, showing zero interest.
"I'm not."
As | waited for her to turn around and look atwhich she never did, | had decided it was best to step off the
bed. | was standing in front of her as she stared atas if | had lost my mind; she was different, even the way
she looked at me.
| could barely recognised my own wife.
Where was the love in her eyes?
Where was the adoration?
Was | wrong all along?
08:33 Wed, Oct 23
Chapter 42
"Just leavealone, Matteo
8
"You don't mean that, Alena. You don't mean that at all," | ran my fingers through my hair. "Admit it, you want
doing this to yourself? Why are you saying all of these things? You don't mean it, baby."
It sounded as if | was begging but it didn't botherone bit. It didn't matter if | sounded that way because all |
wanted was for us to work things out.
| had put everything on hold just to make sure we were fine.
When I thought | had lost Sofia, a part ofhad died with her. Not a day went by withoutgrieving her
passing and wantng her to cback tountil | met Alena, she was the rainbow after the rain. She was the
sunlight to shine through my days. She was the angel for an awful sinner like me.
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| had always wondered if | deserved her.
She was too good for me.
Just when | thought | had found the love of my life with Sofia, | had lost hope and trust when she cback alive
but | believed in Alena. | believed in my wife and her sincerity.
| was down on my knees in front of her, grabbing her hand before kissing them. Every worry, every anxiety and
every misery flew away as | reached out for my wife. Her hands were tiny and | was afraid of hurting her if |
pressed on any harder. All of a sudden, she becfragile to me.
"I... I don't think I'm good for you. All of this happened because of me." She stuttered, her eyes were slowly
getting teary but she held herself back.
"Who said that? | never said that, baby."
"These thoughts are killing me, Matteo."
| leaned forward, cupping her face. It didn't take her long for the tears to fall down and she was crying her heart
out. | had quickly pulled her in, wanting her to cry in my arms-I couldn't stop the tears from falling but I could
ease her pain.
I knew as the days go by, she was going to be better. We were going to be better.
"Those thoughts are not real," | whispered. "I'm real. I'm real and I'm here."
Not a single word left her mouth as she sobbed, holding onto my shirt. It took her about fifteen minutes for her to
stop crying and when | had looked down at her face, her eyes were already red and swollen; she looked pale.
Her lips were slightly dry as she kept on biting onto them, probably trying to hold back from crying again.
Those eyes were staring at me, it felt as if they were piercing straight into my soul but | remained still. | was
afraid if a slight movement could make her uncomfortable; it had been awhile since she was this long in my
arms, | didn't want to lose it just yet. | had missed this. | had missed us. | had missed her.
Alena leaned forward, one of her hand on the side of my face.
My heart was beating fast, it felt as if it could thump out of my chest when I felt her lips softly meeting mine. |
kissed her back, matching her rhythm because | was scared if a single twitch could make her pushaway. It
didn't matter if she was going to pushaway again later because right now, all | wanted was to feel her again.
08:33 Wed, Oct 23
Chapter 42
| missed the softness of her lips.
| missed the way her lips moved against mine.
Whenever we kissed, we were always one.
She reached out to the back of my head before playing with the tips of my hair as we continued to kiss, realising
how much I had missed her. We had been tensed towards each other since last week, it was a relief to
experience this again. Even if it was cut short by the sound of thunder.
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