The Abandoned Empress

I blinked my eyes slowly.

The reason I felt frustrated and as if all my efforts were in vain was because I felt I was following the fate already determined regardless of my intention, not because I was resentful about him who could not resolve this situation.

As I could do nothing, he would have done nothing else. The marriage involving a royal family member was politically motivated and arranged to promote each other’s interests without reflecting the opinions of the bride and bridegroom.

So, the crown prince didn’t have to apologize to me. In fact, he tried his best to buy me some more time.

“But I promise you this. Let me swear on my name that I will not force you to do what you don’t want. I will never force you to be my wife if you don’t change your mind even one year from now.”

Something warm began to fill my empty heart. The ray of hope he gave me in his words when I felt so empty made me very excited. Tears pricked my ears when he promised to respect my intentions under his name and not to force his will.

“So, please be tough and hang in there until then … ”

“… ”

“Just don’t ignore me.”

“… Your Majesty.”

I pulled my face from his chest and looked up at him. When I felt a little relieved, I could feel his expression. I saw his sincerity not only in his earnest promise and expression as he looked at me seriously.

I suddenly realized that he was really different from the old him.

If the young man in front of me was the old him, he would never have said this to me.

If he was the same man of the past who always looked down on me arrogantly, if he was the same man of the past who was armed with a cold reason, he would not have cared for me like this. If he had been the old him, he would immediately have accepted me along with Jiun from the moment he confirmed my middle name.

Suddenly, I made a bitter smile. He asked me to see him as he was, but I was comparing the two again unconsciously.

‘When can I be freed from my past memory?’

I let out a sigh out of frustration. As I tried to disengage my body from him with a bitter smile, I felt him tightening his arms holding me. He said with a subdued voice, “… Why are you so skinny?”

“… Your Majesty.”

“If somebody looks at you, they might think your father is starving you. Are you eating properly? ”

“… Yes, Your Majesty. ”

“You must have been in a hurry to see me in the morning. Did you eat anything?”

I was silent. I felt sorry to see him beating around the bush. I felt grateful but awkward when I found him trying hard to care for me. Taking his hand off my shoulder, he asked, looking at me, “It seems like you didn’t eat anything today, right?”

“…Yes, Your Majesty. ”

“You know you are small, and you shouldn’t skip meals. Come with me to eat something.”

“No, thanks, Your Majesty, I ‘m fine.”

“It’s my order.”

I looked up at him blankly as he spoke firmly with a straight face. His navy blue eyes were staring at me firmly.

As I was hesitant, at a loss what to say, he reached out. I helplessly put my hand lightly on his hand with a sigh.

It seems that he already arranged for the attendant to prepare food for me.

When I and the crown prince went into the crown prince’s palace after going around the place, the chief attendant, who was now familiar to me, escorted us. As soon as I sat at the table, food was served. The plates started to pile up on the table.

‘So many kinds of foods!’

I tilted my head a bit. He prefered a simple course for food, so it was unusual that the table was served with too many foods like this.

I felt something strange. He preferred fresh, rarely seasoned dishes, but the food served here was far from his taste. As for vegetables, there were some made from fresh vegetables, or some boiled with little or no seasoning, while others were marinated with spices and stir-fried with vinegar and sugar. There were even fruits of the deli tree famous for their spicy taste.

‘Did his taste change already?’

While eating a variety of vegetable dishes in confusion, I suddenly raised my head as I felt his gaze on me. The young man with blue hair, staring at me, said with a smile, “Don’t eat vegetable dishes only.”

‘Oh did I?’

Tilting my head a bit, I was lost in thought. I’ve never thought I picked at food. Come to think of it, I ate vegetables only. As there were so many side dishes, I didn’t seem to recognize that I was eating vegetables only.

I felt bitter and even heartbroken when I confirmed his kind attitude that I had been looking for so dearly, that I could never imagine before.

‘I never thought a day like this would ever come.’

I felt like breaking into tears, so I said what came to my mind.

“Your Majesty.”

“Um?”

“Won’t you go to Duke Jena’s daughter?”

“… Why should I do that? ”

He looked at me as if he was dumbfounded, and said with a deep sigh, “As you are so smart, I don’t believe you think what I said at the conference was to make her my wife, right? I requested you so many times before. Are you still trying to push me away?”

“… ”

“As I have only one woman in my mind, I can’t open my heart to her, well not only her but any other woman.”

“… ”

“The reason I said that at the conference hall was because my power is still weak at this point, so that’s all I could announce. So, please stop pushing me away from you.”

I dropped my head as I had nothing to say.

I thought that he would feel attracted to Jiun when she appeared. But he didn’t, and he kept being kind to me, which made me have mixed feelings about him. My frozen heart began to melt away, even as my erstwhile bitter and resentful feelings troubled my heart.

I know that the person in front of me is different from him in the past, but I was still resentful towards him for a reason.

‘How good it would have been if he had acted like this in the past. I wish he had done the same to me back then.’

If so, I wouldn’t have left with this bitter feeling. I would not have felt so bitter and heartbroken because of my painful memories of the past.

My eyes began to blur with tears gradually. I could not help but smile bitterly. As I let out a deep sigh, he said with a sigh after being silent for a moment, “…By the way, why are you eating so little? That’s why you are so skinny. Have some more. I’m watching you.”

It looked like he wasn’t saying empty words. He was watching me eat, recommending various dishes. I couldn’t taste or smell any of it because I lost appetite, but I picked up the food and put it in my mouth silently as he recommended. I could not refuse his kindness, though it was too late.

How much time passed? A stack of plates was removed from the tabe one by one, along with silver forks and knives. A white tablecloth made of lace was newly laid on the table, and a couple of small glasses were newly placed on it. A cute silver spoon was next to it.

Only

I stared at something orange in the opaque glass. I felt something cold from the glass emitting white vapor. Cold water droplets formed on the white cloudy glass.

‘Is it ice sorbet?’

I picked up the small silver spoon and scooped out some of the orange substance. As I swallowed the refreshing and cool sorbet, I felt my frustration and depression fading away a bit.

When I, with my eyes closed, enjoyed the chillness spreading all over my body, I heard him whispering to me, “Now you look a little better.”

“Pardon, Your Majesty?”

“Well… A little while ago you looked somewhat restless and even dangerous. Even though you answered my question, it looked like you would disappear somewhere.”

“… Did I?”

He nodded silently and hesitated for a moment.